Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
A mutual friend and I have decided to do something nice for my fiance. My fiance is a very hard working man, but he doesn’t make much money. He is very stressed about being able to afford the wedding as we are paying for it ourselves. We keep our finances separate, and plan to continue to do so after we’re married. He knows that I’m pretty good about saving money, but I don’t think he knows exactly how much I have in savings. I have already saved a good stash of cash for our nuptuals as it is. I’m still in frugal fanny mode (no buying coffee everyday, no buying lunch at work, no random stupid spending, and coupons, coupons, coupons!)
Regardless, so our friend, his girlfriend, and I thought it would be nice to take my fiance with us on a cruise in December. It is our birthday/xmas gift to him, as he has never been on a REAL vacation in his entire adult life. I think this is a great idea, and we’re stoked to tell him. However, I’m afraid of what his initial reaction will be. He is so stressed about money as it is, I’m afraid he won’t want to go because of the wedding. I want to be able to clarify to him that this is something I CAN afford, and he shouldn’t be worried, because he deserves a nice vacation so badly. I am thinking of proposing this vacation as a pre-honeymoon and to forgo a tradional honeymoon as we haven’t even planned that out yet.
Thoughts? What would you do?
Post # 2
Why not save this trip to go on as the honeymoon after the wedding?
Post # 3
I agree, if you only get one trip, I’d prefer to do it after the wedding. We are having a traditional honeymoon, but received a hotel credit when we booked flights. Since our honeymoon hotel was booked at a great rate already, we’re doing a weekend away in October, 6 months before the wedding. It’ll be a nice little break from planning and work and school. Maybe you could do a weekend sooner and save up for a honeymoon?
Post # 4
Megbee617: If you have enough money to spend on a cruise then why aren’t you just going on a traditional honeymoon? I mean, it’s a nice idea, but wouldn’t you rather spend some alone time with your FH after your wedding?
pinkshoes: Completely agree.
Post # 5
i think its a sweet idea but considering how hard of a working man he is and how stressed he is about this wedding, i think presenting him with this gift might make him more stressed out. he MIGHT see this as a waste of money – not that it is mind you, regardless if you guys can afford it or not. instead of perhaps doing something so elaborate now, why not do a weekend road trip somewhere fun – hit up some of his favorite spots – does he like amusement parks? take him to one. camping? etc. you get the idea. that way you’re taking him away for a few days, destressing and on a budget 🙂
Post # 6
You’re having a friend go on this cruise with you? That wouldn’t be any honeymoon kinda thing at all, even if you wanted to call it a pre-honeymoon! I would just continue saving and go on a special trip after the wedding just the two of you. It sounds like the both of you, especially him, would really deserve it.
Post # 7
Megbee617: don’t do it instead of a honeymoon. I absolutely cherished our honeymoon as a time to let everything settle in after the wedding. Go away with your husband after you’re married just the two of you!
Post # 8
I agree with most of the other posts… I would rather plan a honeymoon for after the wedding! I also find it strange that he would not know how much you have saved for the wedding. I understand that you want to keep finances separate, but I think each person should be informed about a shared financial goal. Especially since he is stressed about money!
Post # 9
I agree with PP. I’d save the money and the two of you take a honeymoon after the wedding. I loved being able to just have DH and I on our cruise.
Post # 10
Thats kind of unfair to him if you are super financially stable and have extra cash in savings, yet hes stressed to the max and doesnt even know about affording the wedding? Maybe you should sit him down and tell him what you have saved up so he doesnt have to stress so much? That’d be a nice thing to do.
Post # 11
Why haven’t you discussed what you have in savings? Sounds like it would go a long way to alleviate his stress.
Post # 12
Why is he busting his ass, and stressing out about it if you can afford the wedding expenses?
Just pay for the wedding with that money, it seems that would reduce his stress more then anything.
If you can only go on one trip a honeymoon together will be more memorable then a trip with friends which can happen at any time.
Overjoyed is right. Have a talk about where you each are at with finances and make a plan moving forward. Even if you are having seperate accounts, you need to have a communal plan about who is contributing what, and what are your joint savings goals.
Post # 13
Megbee617: I agree with PP, at the very least let him know what you have in savings. It would help him with the stress overall.
I know every couple does things differently and I respect that. I just want to note for you that I think it’s important to have honesty and communication about everything. It’s fine to keep your finances separate but I have heard that couples really do better when they consider all of the money the couple’s money, even if it’s in different accounts. No one keeping their money to themselves or from each other, making financial decisions together. You two will be a team when you get married. That trust will go a long way in your marriage.
Post # 14
Megbee617: if you are NOT planning on taking a honeymoon (although it doesn’t sound like you have decided if you are going on one) then go for it.
BUt if you decide to go on a honeymoon and this pre-honeymoon, but you can’t afford both, than I would suggest skipping the pre-honeymoon and just save it all for the honeymoon, because I think its important that all couples who plan a wedding go somewhere, even if its just for a weekend. You spend all this time and money and sometimes it can be stressful, you need to relax, and enjoy your moment as new husband and wife.