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I chose yes, but we're Catholic so it's kinda required. 
That being said, we actually really liked our Pre-Cana classes. With all the wedding stress and regular life stuff getting in the way, it was nice to have one night a week where we could just concentrate on ourselves and our relationship.
Mrs. Spring... I agree! I think that's what I like best! We spend one night during the week making dinner together, reading and talking about non-wedding things!
We actually would like to take the pre-marital counseling classes/mentoring programs that we've heard about at other churches. My church used to require it, but after recent budget concerns, they cut the pre-marital counseling all together :-(.
I was actually wondering - would it be odd to call other surrounding churches, explain the situation, and as if we could join in on their classes? I just feel like that is a better option than skipping the classes altogether!
@MissEdamame: I don't think that would be weird at all! I think it's actually a good option considering your church's recent budget cuts and I think the other churches would welcome you.
We also took a marital prep course at our church where there were other engaged couples, but all discussions brought on by book or video were discussed between the couple. It was kind of neat!
I agree with LittleBear, MissEdamame! We've only recently started going to the church we're taking our premarital classes at, and we're not getting married anywhere near the area...I just liked the type of premarital counseling they were offering and decided to go for it, even though I felt kind of weird initially since we really didn't know anyone.
So for us, we just started classes earlier this week and they'll run for about 6-7 sessions I believe. I like the format -- everyone is broken into smaller groups of 3 couples with one married couple coaching. Each week discusses a different topic, both in the large and small group setting. FI is still not quite sold since he doesn't really believe that he'll learn anything he didn't already know before the class, but even if that were the case, I like that it's encouraging dialogue between us (even if he doesn't quite realize it ;)).
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Our pastor automatically does it with every couple she marries. It was a great experience!
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We went to premarital counseling, but through a therapist, not a church. I would highly recommend it. There's a preconception that counseling is only for couples in trouble, but it can help anyone communicate with their partner better. Now I'm starting to sound like a therapist--that's what I get for marrying one!
We did the weekend retreat thing and it was great! I highly recommend it!
We are doing it as well, though we are "distance" learning so to speak. That is he is in Kuwait and I in Oregon. Believe it or not it was mostly his urging. My pastor is helping from my end and he's getting some additional assistance from friend with who he went to Seminary. However, I think when we start to co-habit we'll do formal counseling at our Church, as it just seems like a little more can't hurt.
I voted "other" because we're not particularly religious but I kind of want to do it. Seems like a good step to take before marriage!
I really want to go through premarital counseling. I think it would be a really positive thing. Wish we would start it now. Is there a set time when you should start it?
we too are having a catholic wedding, and we too agree that our pre cana was fantastic. both of us agree that our relationship improved after the pre cana classes. i know it seems weird, but we actually are at the best point in our relationship because we took that 'required' class.
While we did not seek premarital counseling, I think it is a good idea for certain couples, especially couples who are really young, haven't lived together, or those uncertain where they stand on issues such as religion or children (just to list a few examples).
One really intersting thing we learned was people who have any sort of pre-marital counseling have a 9 out of 10 chance of not divorcing! I had no idea!
I am not sure who told you that information, but there is no way that is a correct statement.
we had non-religious pre-marriage classes which included DISC personality profiling, love languages as well as the deeper MBTI ("myers briggs") personality test, and we have graphs churned out where we compared our results, and from there, extrapolated our potential pitfalls / strengths.
it was really interesting, and definitely helped us take a systematic and rational approach towards building a life togethe, even though we didn't get any major surprises.
i think couples that go thru pre-marital counselling are less likely to divorce because of the sheer fact that they are committed to take the class to help their marriage work, so that is already a good start.
and i think spending time meaningfully together in the midst of / prior to the wedding planning process is also very helpful.
i highly recommend it!
p/s: our class was taught by a 'mentor couple' in the comfort of their home, so that was an added encouragement. we were also lucky that they were really candid with us about issues they face(d).
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Our place requires us to fill out this online survey, then we are supposed to meet for 3 hourly sessions. I'm already annoyed that on the surface (the initial 5 question paper we got to fill out), they care more about a) if we have kids b) live together c) how our parents feel about this. The other two sections asked for where we live and our age, ha. But, I know it's a required technicality. Since my FI is military, we're only doing 1 hourly session and the old couple doing it are very nice so far. So I'm hoping that the questionnaire/online forms are just technicality and that if you click "yes" you get a different set of questions to answer and that they more or less leave us alone.
We're getting married outside b/c I can't handle the contingincies of a church marriage. I don't go on a regular basis or belong to one, so I couldn't see why I should suddenly be a requirement. Garden for me it is! A lot of my friends have very positive (and very negative) experiences about it, so I'm just hoping mine is middle of the road and not too intense! But a friend of mine does the 'mentor couple' in her home and LOVES IT. I think it's all about who you 'get' as your mentor.
I voted "other".
The idea of pre-marital counseling appeals to me, but we're not doing it. We have been, however, using our engagement period to really work out a few things so we're not just assuming we agree and working to figure out what things will change as a result of marriage. It's tough to do without guidance, but still worthwhile just to use engagement as a preparation for marriage, not just wedding planning.
We have to do a few things for our church. One was a day long seminar sort of thing with a therapist/Lutheran pastor, who was really low key and there were like 60 people there and it was nice for us because we felt really confident that we had already been doing everything right in the first place. Moving in together last year helpd with that a lot. And then we have to go to a financial workshop and meet with our pastor however many times she wants to see us. It's been nice overall and I'm really happy with the way our church does it.
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We've participated in both counseling sessions and a couples workshop through our church. Like ejs4y8, our counseling sessions required a lengthy online survey that we were to complete separately. I think it was great, though, because it made us aware of a few things that we'd not yet given much thought/converation to. The workshop was our favorite, though, because it touched on not only reinforced the counseling/communication issues, but also financial and spiritual aspects of marriage.
The financial planner who presented at our workshop offered three free sessions with him to each couple, which we also took advantage of. It's given us confidence about our financial standing and strategies on how to go about planning for our future goals (home buying, children, etc.).
If you haven't yet given much thought to meeting with a financial planning professional, I would recommend adding it to your pre-marital prep checklist!
We were not given this option, but I wish we would have found some sort of pre-marital counseling elsewhere. I think something like this can never hurt! I'm sure it brings the couples even more close than they were before.
We're doing this at our school counseling center (we go to a Christian Universisty), and its been great so far. We had just recieved so much advice to do it, and agreed that it couldn't hurt us. We also had a few things we knew would be good to talk about with an objective third party. I would recommend it for everyone!
I chose other, because I would like to do it, but haven't found a program I like.
FI and I are both secular, so a church/religious program is unappealing. In addition, we are both already pretty open about what we want together. We've also been together a long time, have lived together for over three years, and bought a house together last year. Therefore, our finances and practicals of living together are worked out.
I'm most interested in a slightly structured/guided approach to discussing our different views of marriage. FI married his high school sweetheart years ago, and was rather burned. Also, his parents never married eachother, and those marriages they have had (7 between them) were pretty disfunctional. I, on the other hand, have parents who are very happily married, and are very traditional.
What we need is a secular guide to working out what the model of our marriage will be like.
Any suggestions?!
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Are any other couples out there doing pre-marital counseling? Are you considering it?
We just started ours last Sunday at our church. It's a class with other engaged couples and it has been really fun so far. There are different topics each week and a small book we read together as a couple.
One really intersting thing we learned was people who have any sort of pre-marital counseling have a 9 out of 10 chance of not divorcing! I had no idea!