Post # 1
I was wondering, should all couples do premarital counseling or just couples that feel they need to work out some issues before marrige? FI and I are getting married in about a year, and I have a few family members and friends asking if we are doing pre-marital counseling. The thought never even crossed my mind, we see eye to eye of almost everything and we are pros a compromsing when we dont. I can’t think of a single instance when a disagreement turned into a fight, we dont allow ourselved to remain mad at each other about anything, we always talk it out until we both feel we are in a good place, we have never raised our voices at each other or did name calling, there are times here and there when we are short with each other, but we are both good at recongnizing it and know to give a little space and talk about it later. So I guess my question is, would we benefit from couseling or is it really for couples to work out issues? I don’t really feel we need couseling, would we get anything out of it?
Post # 3
We didn’t go, for the same reasons you listed. We didn’t have any issues to work out, we’d been together 5 years before getting married, lived together for over 4 of them. There was nothing counseling would help, because there were no second thoughts, or issues to work on that we can’t work out ourselves.
I don’t think that everyone needs to go, and if you don’t think you need it, I don’t see the point. Maybe someone else has a reason I can`t think of.
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s necessary at all.
Post # 5
My FI and I are the same as you lia22 and OP. We have good communication, see eye to eye on almost everything and certainly don’t **need** counseling.
But we ARE doing premarital counseling. In part because it is manditory with the officiant we are using, but even if it wasn’t we would DEFINATELY still do it. I think its just a good idea so as to talk through things you may never have considered, and perhaps learn a few things about each other. Besides – you can never have too good communication. 🙂
Post # 6
I say YES! We did not get married in a church but my sister told me that going to pre-cana(pre-marital counseling essentially) was the best thing for their marriage. I agree. Even though we are on the same page on all issues and it turned out we had discussed all the issues they brought up, it gave us that greater confidence in our relationship that we were ready for the next step. I highly suggest it.
We did learn some fun tips on being a “lifegiver” instead of a taker. It was great to hear from the married couples. Give it a go.
Post # 7
FH and I do not have “issues” to work on, but we are doing pre-marital counseling. I highly recommend it for any couple planning on getting married. We just had our first session last week. I went into with the mentality of “Let’s just get this over with” and came out loving it! It brought up tons of questions I never would even think to consider before marriage. He covered the smallest things with us like who will pay the bills and “How do you feel about credit cards?” to more serious like What are grounds for divorce? If infidelity was the reason, would you work through it? I felt super connected to FH afterwards and it was fun answering questions about each other. Also, learning how to fight fair. No “below the belt” remarks. Just a bunch of interesting information to take in.
I have found through personal experience, that those who are having marriage problems and didn’t go to pre-marital counseling, tell me they wish they had. I believe it sets you up to handle situations that can take a huge toll on your relationship. I personally want to have every advantage working for us going in to our marriage. We plan on making our marriage last and while we have no “issues”, we are still going to do everything possible to make our marriage a successful one 🙂
Post # 8
We’re doing it, and honestly I’d recommend it to everyone getting married, whether you have issues or not. You have absolutely nothing to lose by doing it (except money, haha).
Even if you don’t have issues in your relationship now, you will at some point in your marriage. There’s just no way around it. Our counselor (who is also our officiant) asks us how we would handle certain situations that might come up and it’s actually interesting to hear my fiance’s perspective on some of these things.
I can’t really sum up the value of it here but I promise that it’s worth it. Plus, if you do 8 sessions you get a discount on your marriage license (I’m sure that varies state to state).
Also, if nothing else, having a nonbiased professional validate your relationship is kind of an ego boost, especially when you’re going into marriage.
Post # 9
@BrideToBee2014: My Pastor required 2 sessions. Not all of them do though. It’s your choice. if you feel you and your Fi don’t need it then I wouldn’t do it. I was glad we did because even though we didn’t have any issues to work out, my Pastor shared some great advice:)
Post # 10
@BrideToBee2014: My FI and I took a premarital course/class at a Christian church in our area. It was a 10-11 week course that discussed a lot of topics that you would discuss in premarital counseling anyway. They also do this survey called FOCCUS which asks a bunch of questions to each one of your separately that tells you what topics might become an issue between the two of you before you get married. It is administered during the first class and there was a mentor couple that was assigned to a few couples and you and your FI would discuss the survey with your mentor couple before the end of the course privately away from the other couple. I enjoyed taking a course like this with my FI because it helped us to figure out some things we may not thought of to discuss and issues that might come later and allowed us an opportunity to work on these things before our wedding.I don’t think it ever hurts to take pre-marital counseling before one gets married. It provides a reality check for couples before they get married. 🙂 There is something to be said about addressing these issues before getting married. Not to say every marriage is not going to have their own issues but it helps to address some of the major ones before taking the plunge. And also to make sure you and your FI are on the same page about major things like having children, finances, future plans, etc. 🙂
Post # 11
@BrideToBee2014: I’m in the same boat as you. I considered doing it, but we aren’t doing a religious ceremony so it would be fairly expensive, and we live in a different state than our officiant so we couldn’t really do it with her. We have SO much going on before our wedding, I don’t think we’ll do it. It’s not going to make or break your marriage, but it certainly can’t hurt.
Post # 12
@BrideToBee2014: My fiance and I weren’t really that interested in premarital counseling for a long time. We were like, “Eh, we’ve lived together for 2 years and we don’t really have any major issues we need to sort out before we get married.”
But after we chose our officiant, we changed our minds. Our officiant refers to it as “premarital coaching” because he doesn’t really like the mindset that counseling is for couples with issues to work out. It isn’t mandatory for us and we haven’t started yet, but it’s offered free with our wedding package so we figured we may as well do it. We also thought it might be kind of fun after talking with him about it, and he’s very willing to work around our schedules (which can be kind of hectic at times).
I think it depends on the couple and the person offering the service, though. I also know that some officiants and/or churches/venues require it, so that’s something to consider as well.
Post # 13
i highly recommend it! everyone’s pretty much said everything i was going to say, so i won’t repeat it. but yeah, i definitely think it’s a good idea.
Post # 14
I personally can’t wait to do pre-marital counseling. We don’t have any “issues” to work through, but I feel like there can never been too much or too good communication between us.
Post # 15
I think pre-martial counseling is a great idea, even for those who think they don’t need it, it couldn’t hurt. Plus the discount on our marriage license for doing it is definitely a plus 😉
Post # 16
We’re getting married in a church, so it’s required! But I would have wanted to do it, just to have one comprehensive list of “in your future” questions!