Post # 1
We spoke to our pastor yesterday about some counseling he likes for all couples to complete. i know my FI and I haved talked through just about every topic in the book! We are on the same page with all the big stuff, but we haven’t quite figured out who gets trash duty lol.
Anyways, I suddenly felt nervous today! I know we’re compatible on many levels, but having a stranger sum up our 7 years together and predict if we’re compatible in marriage (in only 6 sessions) freaks me out! I know there’s more to it than just a yes or no, gives us a chance to be honest about things we might be holding back, but I’m wondering if we’ll learn anything new that we never discussed.
anyone been through pre marital counseling before and can help ease my nerves?
Post # 3
@Girasole: We haven’t been to any yet – but will be as well. I dont think he will be studying you guys as much as you think. He just wants to make sure you guys believe in the same ways, and that you can work things out together, and have an open mind. I am sure he will do most of the talking, for the first one anyways! Good luck!
Post # 4
We’re doing some “counselling” of sorts right now. Because our minister is super-cool, it’s been really stress-free and very insightful. Hopefully you will have the same experience. 🙂
Post # 5
I’ve never done it before but if you and your FI are absolutely sure that you are compatible, there is nothing to worry about. Relax.
Post # 6
We did it and didn’t need as many sessions as he though haha. We literally ran out of things to talk about!
Post # 7
thanks ladies! FI and I are communicators! We love talking about anything and everything. we make up lots of what if’s because we do run out of future problems to be scared of lol. I’m also one of my those people who likes paperwork (weird) and when he gave us packets and an online quiz to take I was like awww yeaaah. Haha I was reading through some stuff today and. Realized that if some people are just now talking about some of this stuff, they probabLy shouldn’t get married just yet.
Edit – our counseling won’t be with our pastor but a counseling service that works with out church. our pastor has known us since we started going together 7 yeArs ago, but this counselor person doesn’t know us at all so I hope I like them 🙂
Post # 8
@Girasole: First, don’t go in thinking that they the pastor is going to tell you whether or not you are right for each other. That is not his/her job. I didn’t go to a pastor and instead went to a social worker, but she didn’t take sides or tell us we aren’t compatible, and even though DH and I had talked about and agreed on all the major stuff, she actually was able to take the situations and make us think a little.
I liked her style becuase she gave us a 150 question survey that we couldn’t share with each other until our session. We were quite surprised at what stuff we did differ on, and we were able to discuss it at that time. It was a lot of fun, so much so that we opted to do the last 2 sessions that were manditory.
Post # 9
We are great communicators so it has been fun so far, but we’ve only had one session. Our minister is super friendly though, so that helps. Also he’s cool with the fact that we live together, which also helps.
I think our next session is meant to be more hardcore, but we won’t be having it until March or April (we have to travel for it).
Post # 10
@Girasole: Don’t worry about it! We did pre-martial counselling and the first thing our priest told us was that no one was there to judge our relationship and decide whether or not we were compatible. Our premartial counselling consister of meetings with our priest and a weekend retreat where other married couples came and talked to us about different subjects. The whole point of the entire process was to make sure we were on the same page and dicussed everything we needed to. The topics we discussed were:
-How your family and your past affects who you are today
-Love Languages and how to make sure you are fulfilling your parent’s needs
-How to fightand and communicate effectively
-Finances (nothing too specific, just general tips and strategies)
We did a Catholic retreat so we also talked about NFP and the Sacrament of Marriage. So you might have some conversations about similar things depending on your particular faith.
H and I had a very solid relationship going into the counselling but we still found it incredibly helpful. I learned about love languages and the tips on how to fight were useful. We decided that, if all else fails, the counselling gave us a common language to use going forward.
Good luck and don’t stress!
Post # 11
@Girasole: Don’t worry! I was so nervous as well but really, it was all for nothing. I’m not sure how your counseling is structured, by fi and I are getting married in a Lutheran church and we have to go to two four hour sessions with the pastor and two other couples. Our first session was two weeks ago, our second and final is tomorrow. The first session we just talked through the meaning of marriage and how it fits in with religion, read through some bible passages, talked about compromise, etc. The pastor also took us through the church and gave us a better idea of how things will go on the actual wedding day. We had some “homework” which was just a personality test fi and I had to take and 5 questions to discuss, which was actually quite fun.
I’m assuming yours will be somewhat like ours, so what I’m saying is – don’t worry about it!!! 🙂 It’s actually quite fun, in my opinion 🙂