(Closed) Pre Marital counseling help?!

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, it depends on the church.  The church we started attending (and my parents attend) refused to marry us because we were living together.  To make a long story short, we chose to get married elsewhere.  We ended up getting married by a more progressive pastor who thought that it was wonderful that we were getting married, regardless of what happened previously.

Post # 4
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have heard of churches not being willing to marry couples that live together, but I don’t know about the sex thing.  Some pre marital counseling includes some discusson on sexual satisfaction, so it may be good to be honest.

Post # 5
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think its maybe all about how you phrase your response.  Maybe say that once you and your FI were in a committed relationship you decided to have sex.  Make it sound like it was a decision you took seriously for your relationship. 

I doubt they wouldn’t marry you just because of being honest.

Post # 6
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i think it really depends on the church and the priest. My sister and her husband lived together before marriage and the priest just kind of looked the other way. I think its best to be honest and up front about it all..i dont think they will say they cant marry you.

Post # 7
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If they already know you are living together and don’t have a problem with that then hopefully it shouldn’t be an issue.

Post # 8
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I’m sure you aren’t the first couple that has had sex before marriage in the church.  If you are honest (which I think you should be) I’m sure they will discuss it.  We did group and couples counseling and they were very open about the fact that some couples haven’t waited for marriage to have sex.  It was more matter of fact, than anything else.

 

Post # 10
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Would you be ok with abstaining from now until you are married?  I bet that is what they will ask you to do.  It is always better to be honest.  The goal of pre-marital counseling is to help you and your FI to be able to communicate better/ build a stronger foundation for marriage.  Not to judge you for choices you have made.  Hopefully you are stressing out too much and it will be a helpful session!

Post # 13
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wouldnt every “christian” minister jump at the chance to lead you from “sin” to the state of marriage?  I dont get it.

Post # 15
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with PP.  I’d be honest since that what you want to do.  Say you were completly committed to your’re relationship before having sex. 

Option: lying about only doing it once you were engaged.  This makes it seem more official.  But again, be yourselves.  If you really think the church will kick you out if you say you did from the get go and you have no other options then think about this.  Then maybe say that you’re thinking of abstaining from now until marriage. 

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