Post # 1
Okay Hive… I don’t know where else to turn. Hopefully ‘yall can offer some words of support to let me know I’m not alone.
Long story short: Because FI and I have decided to not live with each other before we got married, we have been a long-distance realtionship for a little while now (because of our job locations). Long-distance as in about 1700 miles for going on 1.5 years – and before that, about 500 miles for 2 years because of grad school/job. So yeah – its been a while. Now – with 6 weeks left until the wedding, this is what is happening:
-Getting married on May 7
-I’m moving to where he is on May 9
-On May 18 we are leaving for our honeymoon
-On June 1 we are moving to a new location where he will start a NEW job (talk about stress)
-I will also start a new job
We have a great relationship – totally in love and happy, yada yada. We don’t have any underlying “issues” or anything. BUT – I’m all of a sudden getting nervous about the huge transition we are about to make. Since we have been long-distance for so long, we have each established ourselves and have become very independent. Now I’m nervous that “merging our lives” is going to be d.i.f.f.i.c.ul.t. Especially with all of the huge life changes (new jobs, new state, moving in together, merging lives).
To make matters worse, when I went to visit him this past weekend to “apartment search”, we spent most the time stressed out and totally did not have fun doing it. I imagined that searching for our “first home” together would be fun and exciting. Not so much. Now I’m totally worried – if we can’t even find a place to live without being stressed, how will we manage the rest of the big changes and decisions that are about to happen. I know we will be fine in the long run, but I dont want our stresses to ruin this fun and exciting time!
Sorry this ended up being long… Please let me know I’m not alone and that everything will be fine.
Post # 3
With all of that going on, I think it’s totally normal to be stressed out! I’m sure all these big changes coming up, you’re both already stressed, which wouldn’t make the apartment hunting any easier.
Post # 4
Thanks. I just feel like we are on two different pages right now – I’m still excited about the wedding, but the stress is starting to take over. I don’t want all the stress and feelings of being overwhelmed to ruin our big day and fun month of May. I’m scared… 🙁
Post # 5
I dont think you’re having pre-marriage jitters, I think you’re having new life jitters! Totally understandable… I mean this is all completely new and happening all at once!! Just keep your trust and love for your future husband in the forefront, and try to focus on the excitement of marrying him. You’re in for a whole bunch of new experiences but if you focus on the new life you’re building together, hopefully it’ll smooth over the rough patches. Good luck to you!
Post # 7
It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed about everything that’s going on and that’s completely normal. Try to cut both you and your FI some slack. You’ve been together this long being a long-distance couple, so you deserve a lot of credit. Most long-distance relationships don’t last. It’s going to be difficult to transition, but you guys can do it as long as you communicate openly and be honest with each other.
Post # 8
It’s definitely normal to be stressed out. You have so many changes going on right now. And just know that things like apartment/house hunting or renovations (in the future) or car shopping or other things that married couples do together CAN be stressful. And it’s ok that they are stressful. That doesn’t mean that you guys don’t love each other.
The best advice I can give you is to make a big effort as you start all of these changes. If you let all of the stressful things get to you, it will affect your relationship. But if you UNDERSTAND that it will be stressful and try to manage that (and make an extra effort), then the change should go more smoothly. GOOD LUCK!
Post # 9
It’s normal. I live with my FI and I get worried and anxious on a daily basis. Talking to him about it helps…A LOT! Best wishes. You are not alone, dear.
Post # 10
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!!!!
I had massive pre-wedding jitters – it is a huge life step and lots of transition… so your feelings are totally normal and understandable! Plus, add wedding stress on top of that and everything goes out of whack! There were so many things DH and I did pre-wedding that wedding/life merging stress affected and made it less enjoyable than I thought it should be. As long as you are sure that your FI is the one you want to spend your life with, then things will be fine!
Post-wedding I actually laugh because I was SO doom and gloom and nervous about what was about to happen. Now I think: I can’t believe I was so worried about NOTHING. Marriage is wonderful – NOT without hard work and effort and selflessness – but nothing what my stressed out, worry-wart mind made it out to be….
Hang in there!!! Take things a day at a time and it will all work out in the end. 🙂
Post # 11
I think the “place to live stress” is totally normal!.. especially when what you’re looking for isn’t coming up easily. I know FI and I both got stressed the day we went… but we dusted ourselves off and moved on… ya’ll will do the same =)
Also, with ALL the changes coming up you’re of course looking at even more added stress!… but I wouldn’t place that on you and your FH relationship… that’s just simply b/c those kind of changes makes things stressful. (arrrrgh)
Ultimately you know that going from not living to someone to living together is going to bring out the “sand paper” as I like to say… he does things one way and you another.. but as ya’ll love each you’ll each find your little niche and everything will fall into place.=)
Don’t stress too much, remember to breathe, and when all this craziness passes ya’ll are going to be better and closer for it =)
Best Wishes =) =)
Post # 12
My story is kind of like yours. Long distance for 2 years, moving to his city in a few months. But I’m famiiar with his city and we’re not moving anywhere else after we get married. That being said, I understand some of the stress you’re having. Searching for an house/apartment is supposed to be fun… but it can also be stressful. We have searched maybe 3 times, and ended up having fun all of those times. But it always began with HUGE stress and fights galore! We just have different opinions on where and what we should live in 🙂 I think it’s totally fine to be stressed. And I think that you will STILL be stressed and fight with him once you marry and move. But, it’s normal! Just remember to limit the fighting and have fun together as well. My FI is good because he notices when we’re fighting too much and he’s like… stop it, smile, shut up! 🙂