(Closed) Pre Martial Counselling

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We’re required to premarital counseling by the church we’re getting married in. It’s my family’s church, but we moved away about 14 years ago, and the pastor has changed, but neither of us had a pastor we felt comfortable marrying us, so we decided to go with the pastor at the church. We start counseling around August-September, and it’s three sessions.

Post # 4
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

We’re doing it with the former pastor from my family’s church who will be officiating the wedding.  She runs a bed and breakfast with her husband now, so it’ll be a nice little weekend getaway as well.

Post # 5
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

we are planning to just because it is a really good thing to do. it can only help you as a couple understand each other better. it will help you to communicate more effectively and talk about some of the sticky issues that are hard to talk about sometimes (money, sex, religion etc). not doing it with any kind of religious connection or requirement. i guess i should start searching for a couples therapist!

Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

wow. If I felt like my fiance had issues we needed to work through, I wouldn’t do it with a wedding on the horizion. Its like buying a boat and then thinking about learning how to swim.

Post # 8
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

relationships take continual work and maintenance – that’s what counseling is for. problems will crop up in the next 50 years of your marriage – wouldn’t you take any opportunity you can to learn more about how to worktogether  and communicate better? there are very definitely (research based) good vs bad ways to fight. maybe you don’t fight which is good (sometimes) but you probably will have some kind of conflict during the life of your marriage. this is not to say that either individual has issues to work through, although as a therapist i can tell you that nearly all people can benefit from some kind of growth and reflection regardless of if they are having a specific issue or not.

the research says that, on average, couples go to couples counseling about 7 years after a problem has become a problem. this is why couples counseling doesn’t have the best outcomes. perhaps if the couple came 1 or 2 years after the problem began, they would have been able to work through it and stay together. there is no reason to be afraid of counseling – it can only benefit you and your relationship.

Post # 10
Member
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

our minister requires 4-5 sessions, but since we live in another town he is letting us combine some of the sessions.  we’ve only had one so far and will probably have 2-3 more sessions.

i was nervous about it, even though the minister is a great guy i’ve known since childhood.

it’s actually been pretty cool.  with just the intro session, we’ve already been prompted to think about our relationship and our blessings and challenges.  we have weekly “homework” in which we have to keep a journal that covers a few different things.  we do our homework once a week on wednesday nights, or “wedding wednesday” as we call it!  this is also good because it prompts us to review our to-do lists once a week and make sure we’re on track.

 

Post # 11
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We’ve been going for a little bit and it’s great.  We both agree that it’s made us a better, stronger couple.  The insight we’ve gotten into how the other thinks and communicates is invaluable and I feel like we’ve really learned how to listen to each other, identify what the other person needs and then give that to each other. 

I can’t recommend it enough.  And for all those who think you only see a therapist when you have “issues” or are in trouble – our therapist commented how great it is working with us because we genuinely LIKE each other, show love and affection to each other and really want to work at making our marriage strong as opposed to some of her other clients who won’t even sit on the same couch for sessions, fight all the time and are trying to save their marriage (and many don’t).  I don’t know about you, but I’ll would rather do the work now and not ever get to that point…

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