Post # 1
I have a question, I am not sure what to do about. I am getting married to my boyfriend who is a lawyer for his insurance, he believes in prenup. although I am a reserach asistant now i will start my residency in a year or two and untill then he said he would support me. He loves me a lot and so do I but i just came out of a divorce and we decided to marry so that i can get his insurance. He is very pracitcal and non emotional type of person and i am the opposite end. I am not sure if I should sign a pre nup or not. We have an understanding that if it doesnt work out we will get divorced but then he is a lawyer and what if he wants to hurt me and be mean to me.
He doesnt want to sign one, not cause he thinks this marriage will work out and cause he loves me so much but he just feels like it.
He doesnt communicate that well when it comes to serious issues. I will soon be marrying him. The day when he said he doesnt really want to get married and is not sure if he wants to be married in future but is only helping me in my insurance sort of hurt me.
I dont want to sign a pre nup to hurt him but i would consider as i feel that he is not sure yet if he wants to be with me or not.
Post # 3
wait are you marrying him just for insurance? I think marrying someone in that situation that you are in a relationship with is a bigger issue than a prenup! Can you be added as a domestic partner? My Fiance is on my insurance!
Post # 4
What kind of assets are you talking? Family business? Inheritance? Etc ? It’s a way to cover both your butts, but it depends what you have. If one of you is dirt poor and the other is loaded like a Trump, well, valid. If you’re both broke, well, not really necessary unless you want one to hash out what you’ll do with the house you’ll end up having, how you’ll take care of your kids, how you’ll divide the money (esp if you become a stay at home and he essentially support you) etc. Also if you get married and it ends in a year (heaven forbid) then you can have a clause that allows you to not just be thrown out, broke on your butt because you’re obviously finishing up school.
Prenups don’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you or isn’t sure. Prenups are just pracitcal sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’re "planning" or "preparing" for a divorce. It’s just there. Plus, you’ll have another lawyer facilitate it anyways, so somebody will be looking out for you. Honestly, your Fiance would know how to screw you if you ended up getting divorced and you obvoiusly wouldn’t know enough legal background to protect yourself.
So….he told you he doesn’t really want to get married or be married to you in the future? Is that really how I was supposed to interpret that? If that’s the case, I wouldn’t marry a guy that doesn’t WANT to marry me.
Also, you’re going to be starting residency…does he just want to make sure he doesn’t get stuck with some of your debt or something like that? I’m sorry i’m just really confused by your post and can interpret it a lot of ways. Honestly, YOU should want one…seeing as how you’ll be a rich doctor at some point (depending on what your specialty is).
Post # 5
Not to be judgemental, but marrying someone just to be on their insurance seems like it might be a situation that requres a little more consideration. For me, getting married is a HUGE deal…and even under the best of cicrumstances (true love!), it can be very difficult at times. I have serious concerns about someone getting married who says, "well, if it doesn’t work out, we’ll just get divorced." If that’s the way you’re looking at it…then maybe marriage isn’t the most logical step for you to take. If I thought there was a chance that my Fiance and I would get divorced in the future, then I wouldn’t be marrying him in the first place! Of course, people get divorced…but hopefully people don’t get married thinking, "well, we can just get divorced if it doesn’t work out"…it’s not like breaking up with a boyfriend. As Vistagirl mentioned, perhaps you should look into whether or not your Fiance can add you as a domestic partner. I agree that it seems like the motives for getting married are more concerning than the prenup issue. I’d rather not have insurance, than be married to a man who isn’t sure whether or not he wants to be with me in the long run. Of course, everyone needs to make decisions for themselves based on their own beliefs…that’s just my two cents. Good luck with whatever you decide. 🙂
Post # 6
Forget the prenup for a second, and here’s another question: If your guy had bad insurance or no insurance, how would this impact your marriage plans?
You are fresh out of a divorce and it sounds like you are not certain that you want to marry this person right now. Pre-nup or no pre-nup, insurance is not a good enough reason to marry someone in my book. But if I was going to marry someone for their insurance, I would definitely ensure that I had a pre-nup.
Post # 7
I’m confused…who’s asking for the pre-nup? First you say he believes in them, then you say you want one to protect you should you get a divorce. Are you asking for it, or is he?
I would say that getting married to get insurance is not something *I* would do, but if your primary purpose here is pragmatic then so should your approach. A clearly delineated pre-nup could make a future divorce much easier, though your circumstances are going to change a lot befoer then so maybe not. As I understand it, a pre-nup only covers assets you have prior to getting married and inheritances. Taht could vary by state, but I don’t think so.
Maybe if you clarified the situation a bit more…
Post # 8
I am with fizicsGirl on this….are you just marrying to be put on his insurance?
It sounds as though this is the case. You want a prenup, and he doesn’t. He thinks it will work, while you don’t?
Excuse, why are you getting married if you don’t think it will last? Just for the insurance? Personally don’t think getting married is worth insurnace, especially if you think that after you finish your residency and in theory you don’t need his insurance any more, you’ll divorce.
Could you please clarify, because it really seems like I am missing something.
Post # 9
Can you add a third choice for not getting married at all? It sounds like a really bad plan!
Post # 10
Thank you everyone for your answer’s. Here is what is the situation. I have known him for about 2 years now. All this time i got negative signals from him, but then i thought maybe it is just cause he does not have any social experience. I dont have any med school loans at all, the only loan i have is for my car. He is helping me financially by paying my rent. Before he wanted to have a pre nup . i was expecting him to propose me and at least get engaged cause we have been together for a while but he says he is not ready and will be ready when he is stable (financially) which he is right now. Uopn asking him he said if he was a doctor or going to be one (like me) and he was marrying a technician or somehting he would sign a prenup. When i asked him that what if he thinks that after 3 years he wants to get divorced cause now he said he is not sure if he wants to marry me in future (Before he said he would want to marry me in future but is just waiting for the right time) Now he says not just for the right time but he is not sure if i am the right person. He never wants to come down to visit me but just because i mentioned the topic of pre nup he wants to come visit me cause he loves me ( I know this guy for more than 2 years and i have way more reltaionship experience than him. He is not being honest for sure) My other problem with him was he goes on dating websites and keeps an active profile there bulls***** me that he si trying to make friends cause he is antisocial. I tried to help him socially but i disagree with the dating websites.
Apart for this I do need him financially, I need to take time off and study for my licesing test in order to get into a program which i cannot do if i am working full time. So he is ready to support and he also agrees that if i move in with him, he can make the payments for my car loans. that makes me feel that he loves me and really wants to be with me. I do love him but i doubt his intentions cause if he knew me he would know that even if we signed a prenup i would help him if he needed help.
On the other hand i told him that we can keep a clause saying that if we get divorced than i have to pay him the monty that he spend on me to support me.
Rather than pay him hald of what i earn. It is more like paying him 20,000 compared to later on paying him 100,000 out of my earnings.
He being a lawyer would know more about law than me and maybe could play with me. I dont know what to do. I tried to talk to him but it is not clear what he thinks. He does a bad job in lying though cause i do catch him and it is so obvious but i dont say it. From the past i have learned to just observe and say nothing.
I dont know what to do. I have two way one to marry him with a prenup, and see how it goes if it doesnt work out than i wont have to worry later what happens , two marry him without a prenup and take his help and get thorough my test and start my program, I plan to do either Anesthesiology, ObGYN or last resort Psychiatry.
If i dont take his help i might land up taking a loan which i am not sure in this economy i willl be approved for and how it will last. This path is tough but not impossible i could work it out. But i will have to break up with him cause i wont get time to continue. I feel like i have invested my 2years in him and now i want him to invest his time/ money in me so that i can move ahead and i want to have a family with him. but not by him going on dating websites and thinking that it is ok to do so.
I counsel people every other day in a week for theie relationship in my part time job but in my own personal life i am so lost and confused.
Although i do want to thank people to rspond to me for their advise please tell me more if you have any more. Anything would help at this time.
Post # 11
For the fizicsGirl I am asking for a prenup cause the place that i work my boss who is an OBGYN suggested that i sign one no matter what.
Previously he wanted one, now he said he would want one if his other half was earning less than him not if his other half was or would earn more than him. Which sounds fishy to me. He makes me feel like he is with me only cause someday i will make money. He calls other girls cute like a billion times in front of me but i never heard a compliment from him. not like i am pretty or something but i am not ugly either and at least my boyfriend should fine me cute sometimes when i dress up.
Why would he not sign a prenup when i was so pro prenup when his sister just got married and she was marrying an aacountant and he told her right on her face. Everytime we fight he has never come to me to talk to me or make up with me. If i break up with him he would be ok and not bothered by that at all. But then his other actions makes me feel he does care and loves me. How would i know for real that i am marrying the right guy. I dont feel morally right in marrying him but then looking at my practical situation i have been recommended by my friends to go ahead and just marry and take his help and see how it goes and divorce him before you start residency or in residecny that way i would be making same amount of money as he is and wont have to worry about giving him any money which would be like 4 years in residency and 2 years as i havent done my steps yet so i would have about 6 years to see whats going on. Do you think it is a good idea.
Do you think in 6 years i can know where i am headin with this guy. I do love him but most of the time i feel like i am chasing him and he could care less only sometimes he makes me feel like he really cares for me.
I have 4 stressers right now which are like huge.
1) my divorce hearing is coming next week
2) my health problems have been increased and i dotn have an insurance
3) I am not sure whatto do about it (marrying my bf) if i do i can pay for my books and my test and eat and live without worrying or i get myself into trouble.
4) My upcoming test which is taking up my 10 hours a day of study time.
Post # 12
This sounds like a very bad situation. From what you have shared with us, he does not sound particularly trustworthy. I would be very hesitant to enter into a business transaction (as it sounds like that is primarily what it would be from his perspective) without knowing all the facts. You can evaluate all the facts before you sign government student loans, but you don’t have all of the facts regarding your potential marriage. Can you talk with your parents about this or a counselor or even pro-bono legal advice?
Post # 13
Vista girl mentioned about domestic partner getting insurance benifits how does that works. what proof i have to show. I am in Louisiana and he is in florida how do i do that without getting married. do i show that i am livng with him or we just have to be engaged?
Post # 14
I think the domestic partnership benefits vary from state to state. Some employers will also offer domestic partnership benefits for their employees. You can look into whether his company offers insurance for significant others.
You mentioned your boss is an OB-GYN? Can he/she help set you up with low cost insurance? Or maybe you can look into government-sponsored insurance or go to the Health Department for some care? You have options!
Post # 15
I dont know I think you should get married because you are in love, that’s just me
Post # 16
I do have options which costs me about 175 per month for insurance with a deductible of $2000.00, my one test cost me $710 and not to mention my car loan is $500.00 (which was a completely stupid decision and i regret it, but cant do anything about it)