Post # 1
Ive always known I would need to get a pre-nup but now that the time has come its making me uncomfortable…
Basically, I co-own a business with my brothers that was set up by my dad. It’s worth a good amount of money (I’m no Trump, but still it’s a nice chunk of change). Because of that I have to have a pre-nup just in case so that the family business wouldnt get broken up. Not exactly sure how much iits all worth but would not be surprised if its over a mililon
I went and met with the lawyer who suggested I also include my IRA (45K) my brokerage acct (50K) and my investment acct (10K). –including numbers in case it helps to give me ideas on how to handle this
I told FI about this and he was sad. He felt that I didnt do enough at my meeting to “protect” him. I think I see what he’s saying, we had not initially discussed the need to protect any of my personal things. The lawyer suggested it and I went with it.
The thing is, we’re using the 50: toward a downpayment, keeping the 10k for savings, and the IRA toward retirement, so it will be OUR money soon, so is there any point in protecting it?
What should I do?
How can I make FI feel more comfortable?
I know the lawyer is just looking out for my interests which duh is what I’m paying for and I feel awkward abt being like “im in love, i dont need to protect my $” but…
I am absolutely in love, we’ve talked about our committment to working on marriage and never divorce, I just feel this is all awkwardness with money and dont know how to handle it alll…. FI has no assets and I know he feels uncomfortable with this. I do too…
Post # 3
First thing to understand is that the Lawyer is looking out for your Best Interest. If your Fi has something feels like he would like, or just for his protection, then it would make sense for him to get his own lawyer.Quite frankly it’s not your job to look out for his interest, and if you did I could see it getting sticky.
What exactly is he asking for or does he want? If he does want something he has to get his own lawyer to ask for it. Your Lawyer quite frankly isn’t going to interested in boyfriends rights he only going to be worried about you and your assets.
My only other question is Do you work directly for this company? I am in the same situation with my brothers, cousins, and Dad and Unlce, but I’m more like a silent owner. So we have a family lawyer for this and there is a standard prenup agreement with certain terms that given to everyone once they get engaged. Anything else that was added to that was at my own discretion.So find out from the lawyer what you have to sign for business purposes then move on from there. If you are uncomfortable and don’t want to included your investments and IRA then don’t.
Mine wasn’t included. We didn’t included some things on investments which my Dad previously handle for me, while I sat next to him with my eyes glazing over. My husband actually handles all of my and our joint investments now. I think if you guys can afford it, that your boyfriend needs to get his own lawyer to represent his interest.
But he first has to decide what it is that he may want, and if he actually has any demands versus just being unsure and uneasy about the process. Because clearly if he doesn’t have any assets he technically doesn’t have anything to be protected againist. Because if he doesn’t have an end goal it’s basically him flushing money down the tiolet. Anyways he should absolutely have a lawyer look over it before he signs anything. I actually went againist my lawyers wishes and didn’t ask for money that he told me I should once he realized what assets my Husband had.
The only thing I have to say is you guys can use the prenup just to protect your famlies business assests, but it might be smart to protect your investments and brokerage account. Then agree to give him some lump sum amount, and if you are the breadwinner that you contribute towards his retirement.
Post # 4
Thank you so much for your detailed response!
Looks like we’re in the same boat, I’m a pretty silent partner too, so silent I don’t even know a lot of basic information. I felt like an idiot at the lawyer meeting. At one point he was like “Ohh so you dooo know some things!” I’m the first of my siblings to get married and the company is relatively new (20 yrs or so) so there’s no standard pre-nup agreement yet…
It doesnt seem like he has any demands but I like your idea about giving him a lump sum, maybe I’ll throw something like that in there. Or say after 5 years that amount is no longer protected?
In Illinois he HAS TO have a lawyer look over the pre-nup before we sign so I guess we’ll do that and go from there?
I’m comfortable protecting JUST the business assets too… ugh. this whole thing is so unpleasant and awkward
Post # 5
@HourThyme: Yeah it’s weird and icky and hard to explain to friends without looking like an ass.
I am the same I honeslty couldn’t tell you what they do on a day to day basis I just have a general idea. I along with my Twin are the youngest in our family and for the cousins invovled in this have maybe two younger then us. If you decide not to put those things in, then you should go back and say to him what are the things I have to do to protect family assets, and tell you guys will work out the rest, if you truly are aganist it.
To be completely honest if my Husband didn’t have more to lose then me,I would have absolutely included things about IRA and investments. I didn’t accept the lump fund, but he does contribute towards retirement annually. Which we both felt was “fair” I felt icky about it but I guess it makes sense. Outside of family assets on both side, he has a business that does pretty well, and I left my job to move for him, and when I get a new one I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get paid less because I lived in an expensive city that paid higher salaries.
Good luck with whatever you do. Just make sure your Fi has an actual goal in mind because if he doesn’t then he going to have his lawyer charging a lot more money to look into to things and neogiate rather then her just looking over just look over the prenup and making one or two suggestions.
Post # 6
He felt that you didnt do enough at the meeting to protect him from what? He has no assets right now and you’re using all the money from your personal accounts for what will be mutual savings, retirement, and a downpayment. Candidly speaking, I think he has no reason to feel sad with this arrangement. And you’re 100% doing the right thing by protecting your family business.