Pre-planning before the ring?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you do planning before a proposal?
    Yes : (40 votes)
    51 %
    No : (36 votes)
    46 %
    Other, explain : (3 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    What do you mean by planning? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting ideas together of what you want, but I personally wouldn’t and didn’t book anything until I was engaged. I think it’s jumping the gun a bit, IMO.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1241 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @Soontobemrs2012:  I’ve got all kinds of ideas and thoughts and have narrowed down my venue choices to well…1. LOL I havne’t gone to look and am trying to hold out until he actually proposes to do so. I won’t book it until after he asks. We’ve discussed budget, guestlist, clothing, table numbers, what we like/don’t like, what HAS to be included, what can be left out…yeah…it’s pretty planned in idea space. Nothing is concrete or will be until he asks.

    So tell him to ask already!!! 🙂

    Post # 5
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with doing reconnaissance. My bf and I just had a sit down/discussion about wedding planning this past weekend: dates, # of people, guest list, potential venues, budgets, honeymoon destination. I think the proposal is coming in the next few weeks but as long as I know it’s inevitable and I’ve got a timeline, I’m okay with doing research and letting my mind wander. However, I won’t be booking vendors or venues, paying deposits, or buying anything before the proposal.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    My FI and I actually had our venue picked out before we were engaged!  We talked about getting married, and it was actually HIS idea to go look at venues! Of course by then he had already told me that he planned on us being engaged by the end of the year…but yep…we had the venue before the ring, go figure! haha.  We also started looking into costs and stuff around that time so that we could figure out how much money we were going to need to save up to be able to afford the wedding we wanted. It worked out though!  We already have all big things done and taken care of and a lot of details figured out…and the wedding is still 9 months away 🙂

    Post # 8
    Member
    1241 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @Soontobemrs2012:  Venue’s book father than most people think. I’m lucky that mine is owned by the city, and they won’t open up to booking 2015 until Jan of 2014, so I’m lucky. I’ve told him that as well, that if he takes to long, we might not get to have it where we want unless he lets me book first.

    Post # 9
    Member
    483 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @aithinne:  1000+

    Lol i’m pretty much the same in term of planning. We have an agreed amount on the guest list,a budget, an idea of a location ..down to a few choices,we already have the blessing of who will marry us,rough idea of BP, honeslty 95% of tings are decided just need to book and organise.

    @Soontobemrs2012:  I think that answer isn’t so black and white. I started getting ideas without SO knowing as i saw fun things I might want to consider. One day we were talking and it kinda tured into planning from there I told him my ideas he agreed to all if not most of them and then told me what we wanted just 3 things were a 100% most and he getting those 3 wishes 100%. If there is a chance of your SO freaking out or thinking your rushing hold off til he propses. Because some guys get excited and women go a lil crazy and scare the poor guy off that way. It’s a partnership if you both agree it shuldn’t matter what others think the proper/right way to do it.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1157 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Wow… who would have thought that “No” would out weigh the “yes”

    We’re not engaged as yet but we too have pre-planned a lot. We even narrowed down 3 countries for the honeymoon.

    We have not made any wedding purchases nor booking though. It is okay to pre-plan. I will be having a short engagement and all of the pre-planning will be helpful.

    I would usually say that we are planning to get married. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    3268 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @Soontobemrs2012:  I think it’s fine to sort of dream and poke around looking for a venue online, figure out what style of dress you like, have an idea of what the budget would be, and throw together an informal guest list. And maybe compile a list of ideas of stuff you want to include in your wedding day. I’ve done most of these and am not yet engaged, but it was all for my own enjoyment and it’s all super casual, secret, and will be easily changed (other than what I want in a dress!) once we’re engaged and we actually discuss these things.

    It sounds like you are in a different situation, though, where both of you are actively planning and discussing it. So I’m not sure what I’d do in that situation; but I do think that things like setting a date and booking the venue and vendors should wait until after you are engaged, unless for some reason you already know you’ll be having a very short engagement. It is likely that people will ask you things about your engagement if you start talking to people and formally arranging things like that.

    Post # 12
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    i personally wouldn’t put any deposits down, but we already have a wedding account and have talked finances with my parents. We are also going on an inn tour that happens to include a venue we love

    Post # 13
    Member
    1207 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I haven’t actively planned anything, but my mother and I have sat down a few times to figure out a preliminary guest list…which without any of my friends was around 60 people! We do this and try to figure out what kind of budget I might need to have, then we get frustrated and stop talking about it. So, I don’t really call that planning because absolutely nothing has been determined at all!

    Post # 14
    Member
    1355 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    I did nothing before we got engaged. Wedding planning is enough of a bother that I’m really glad I didn’t waste time before the engagement planning anything — the eleven months we’re going to be engaged by the time we get married in October are going to be way more than enough.

    Post # 15
    Member
    858 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think as long as your SO is on board, it’s fine to start planning. My SO and I have started looking at venues, talking about colors, themes, invitations, etc… However, we haven’t made any purchases and would not go out to visit a venue until we are engaged. I work in the wedding industry and there are a lot of people who are legitimately working to get a leg up on planning before engagement, but there are also a lot of people who are simply playing pretend and wasting your time. I absolutely do not want to risk being percieved as the latter, so I will not speak to vendors about things until we “look” engaged. I know it’s a social construct, but I’d be mortified if someone treated me rudely because they found out we were not officially engaged yet. (Just to be clear, I don’t pre-judge people I deal with who aren’t engaged since I know there is a grey area between being serious and being engaged, but I see a lot of other people in the industry who feel very strongly on the subject!) 

    Post # 16
    Member
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Soontobemrs2012:  We bought my dress in March I believe, and we’ve been steady planning (talking to vendors, agents, etc) since February.

    He proposed on Saturday.

    As weird as some people like to tell me it was, it’s been a great decision for us: now, we just get to sit back, work out a few details, and have fun.

    There is nothing wrong with planning before the ring *if he is on board.*

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