Pre-Planning Bridesmaid Shake-up

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Backyard

I am sorry you are disappointed. I think it is pretty great that she was up front with your at the start, though!

We are not having a bridal party, and honestly? I am so glad. Less to coordinate, deal with, pay for…

Post # 3
744 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry you’re disappointed too, but it’s better that she was honest with you!  So many people agree to be in bridal parties and then grumble about it or are difficult to deal with.

I actually didn’t want a bridal party at all, but we’re having one because FI really wants to.  I’m having my two best friends and my sister, but no maid of honor/best man.  I know someone has to sign the marriage certificate, but I don’t really care who (and my sister is under 18, so it can’t be her!)  I love all my bridesmaids and didn’t want to single one out as the honor attendant.


Also, if you end up having no bridal party at all, you can still have friends get ready with you and stuff!  Just less coordination and less stress!

Post # 4
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I got married with no bridal party whatsoever, and it was easily one of the BEST decisions I ever made.  Our friends were all still there for us all the same, just with no strings attached.  And I think our friends were really grateful for that, and our friendships post-wedding are better than ever. 

So many people think they’ll be missing out on some sort of special warm-fuzzy experience if they don’t have bridesmaids — but I’m telling you, you don’t

Who will I get ready with? Whoever you want! Get ready with your mom… your friends… hell, even with your fiance if you want to! I got ready with my mom, and my room was sort of an “open door policy” and friends would pop in and out.  It was great.

But who will witness our marriage license? Anyone you want! We had our mom’s witness ours – I thought that was special.

Who will hold my bouquet? I had my mom sitting in the front row hold my bouquet.

What about a shower/bachelorette party? I did not expect (or even actually want) either of these pre-wedding parties.  However, our friends did put together surprise bachelor/bachelorette parties for us.  But the best thing about it? They did it all on their own with no expectations.  I guess if you have an expectation of NEEDING these parties as part of your “bride” experience, then a bridal party would make this more likely to happen. 

From another perspective, I’m currently a bridesmaid in a friends upcoming wedding and I’m resenting the experience because of all the expectations and costs — I wish I would have said no.

Post # 5
2694 posts
Sugar bee

I also had no wedding party and it was great. My sisters got ready with me and my older niece held my bouquet. I’ve been a BM seven times. The first few times, it was fun, but it gets old and expensive. I didn’t want anyone going through that. There’s just too much expectations attached to being a BM.

Post # 7
34 posts

Just try not to let your hurt feelings impact the fun parts of planning as there are so few that are actually fun or to negatively impact your relationship with her.

I refuse to be a bridesmaid or maid-of-honor for anyone because my older sister and I were forced to have me as her maid-of-honor for her wedding. I was 15 and didn’t like her fiance and she wanted her best-friend instead of me so it was a very negative experience. Point is people can have complicated reasons and emotions involved for not wanting to be a bridesmaid, it’s generally nothing personal.

I won’t be having any of that when I get married because I am joining my fiance in his home country where I know no one but him and I won’t ask my best-friend to bear the financial responsibility of traveling there. But…well I was told that the first sentence I said as a child was “I do it myself.” in reference to getting dressed and then to everything else, and that is still true, I just don’t need the support of bridesmaids like many do.

I do think you should consider asking someone else, some women actually enjoy doing the bridal party thing. Perhaps a cousin you get on well with?

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