(Closed) Pre-planning too much??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
235 posts
Helper bee

I’ve wanted to do this, but I don’t have enough patience:P 

If pre planning makes you happy then I say go for it. 

As for if it wont be any fun down the road, that I’m not sure. 




Post # 4
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally, I hadn’t looked at, or thought about, any wedding details until we were engaged. Luckily I have a super organised Mr (sometimes too organised!) so we have pretty much planned the whole thing together. I have to say, that when the day finally comes around, it will be nice to know that it is what “we” wanted. There no harm at all in looking at cute pictures, searching for inspiration, and leafing through bridal mags, but don’t have your heart set on anything too much, as it may not be what your other half wants? Hope this is helpful, and hope you get to have your big special day soon!

Post # 5
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I would take a break on the pre-planning because it could also work against you and make you more anxious for the ring. Find hobbies not wedding related to enjoy also.

Post # 7
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

When I was waiting I couldn’t think about anything else either.  Like you, I was already secretly pre-planning for a while.  I had picked out what dresses I liked, what color schemes, favors, centerpieces, etc.

Then I actually got engaged and had Fiance giving me input.  I’m pretty sure none of the ideas I came up with pre-engagement actually came to life.  I changed almost everything.  FI had a totally different idea for the color scheme, and the place we ended up choosing to have it threw a major wrench in all my pre-planning schemes. Plus, I also had my mom and my bridesmaids throwing ideas at me too.

So the moral of the story is, pre-planning is fun and really helps ease the frustration of waiting. But in the long run actually being engaged and having to communicate with people about your plans will probably skew a lot of your pre-engagement plans.  It will be very useful for you to be so informed about wedding-related stuff, but in the long run you will probably still be starting from scratch as soon as you get that ring anyway. So don’t worry about not having any fun while engaged!

Post # 8
3587 posts
Sugar bee

If he says you can have what you want, no wonder you are planning crazy.lol  Wish I had an SO who was cvool with whatever I showed him.(My SO has to yay or nay everything.LOL He even had the nerve to say what dress he’d like me in.Too far.LOL)

Take a short break and come back to it. It’s summer, go lounge by the pool! 🙂

Post # 9
493 posts
Helper bee

I did this. But I will say tread carefully. After there is nothing else to research or plan because you’re at a dead end (waiting for actual proposal and engagement) then you’re back to being even more frustrated because you’ve done all the research and can’t do anything with it. In a perfect world you will be engaged before the research gets redundant or before you run out of things to look for.

I was so disappointed to not have it all run smoothly from my pre-planning to us getting engaged. I did all of that planning 6-8 months ago and we still aren’t engaged. Although I know it’s coming I promised myself that I wouldn’t do anymore until we are. And I haven’t at all this year. It is fun and exciting to pre-plan but I think more so if you have a purpose, such as the actual engagement, and you can REALLY book, decide, and discuss with your SO. For me pre-planning definitely made me more antsy/anxious. I agree with the PP who say that it is better to find something that gets your mind off of the wedding stuff. For me that’s shopping and pampering myself. Good Luck! Hopefully you’re engaged soon and that pre-planning turns into actual planning.

Post # 11
81 posts
Worker bee

I’m a big proponent of pre-planning when it entails the following:

having a fun time looking at inspiration


developing a short list of vendors


saving money for your wedding


Sounds like you’ve crossed over into the land of ‘it’s making things worse.’ Take a break, work on a different project. I put my research skills into overdrive on terrariums and I now have 7 in my house. love them. Find a distraction girl!

Post # 13
75 posts
Worker bee

I think you can go too far with pre planning

Boy and I have discussed lots of aspects of our wedding, even though we’re not engaged yet.  He came up with ideas for the colours, the menu, the wedding cars, etc.  We were even chatting via facebook the other night, sending venue links back and forth, and he’s been learning about what goes into the wedding and what various things cost.

It was lovely – until we started to argue over the venue and how it affects the overall feel of the wedding, that’s where it all goes too far.  No one needs to be arguing about wedding planning before they’re even engaged.

(ps – boy, of you’re reading this – we’re having chicken wings – YOU can have roast chicken all on your own.)

Post # 14
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@ms.oregon.state: I’ve done this before… But I’d have a folder on my laptop of “things I love”. I’ve deleted it and started over so many times, lol. I think it’s ok to have ideas of what you’d like, that way you wouldn’t be completely clueless when the time came.


Post # 15
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m pretty sure once I get engaged I won’t have much to do. 🙂  Don’t have anything paid for or booked (although I’ve thought about it!) 

It’s so hard when everyone is talking about it ALL them time…SO included!  Let’s get a ring on this and make it for real now!!

@ms.oregon.state I’m a huge planner and you sound like it too!  I don’t think you are crazy at all!! 🙂

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