Post # 1
The topic of marriage came up again after his brother announced he and his wife were planning to have a baby. We started talking about how people budget with kids and how people budget for life-events in general. Then we got to talking about how we can’t afford a big wedding on our own without going into debt for it, which neither of us is all that interested in doing. We agreed something small would be fine, but then he threw in “unless our parents can pay for part.”
I know his parents paid for his brother’s wedding in full. I know my parents paid for part of my brother’s wedding. But I don’t know how much either side’s parents are willing to contribute for our future wedding. I joked that all we could afford on our own was a reception dinner of spam musubi and coke zero.
While you ladies are waiting and pre-planning, what kind of budget do you have in mind?
Post # 3
Well I decided that we were going to budget for the wedding that we can afford and we’ll see what both of our parents throw in. It’s very easy for me to put a price on the wedding! (not so easy to put a limit on the dream ring!)
Although I’m way interested in what both sets of parents would contribute. My parents said they wouldn’t pay anything and then recently made hints at paying for everything?? frustrating!
Post # 4
We figured out when we wanted to get married, how much we could take out of our paychecks before that time, and that was our budget. When my parents offered us additional, we added it to our total.
Post # 5
Fiance and I never really sat down and said we’ll pay this much for a cake, this much for a venue, etc We just went with the attitude of finding the best price that we could with the vendors that we liked. It worked out really well and our wedding is costing less than $5,000. If we found a vendor we liked and they were too expensive we just found another one. The thing with wedding vendors is there are a bazillion of them and if someone doesn’t fit your price range there will be someone out there who will.
I also suggest that you are very up front with the vendors that you look into. Fiance and I looked at a florist and loved her work. We basically said that we have a very limited budget, aren’t picky about flowers, and need to keep it as cheap as possible while doing whatever she thinks is appropriate. She came back with a quote of $1,200!! So your idea of reasonable isn’t evey elses. We went to another florist and right off the bat told her our budget was $500 and she said, thats fine I can probably do it for less! Just keep looking and compare prices as much as possible!
Post # 6
Thanks for the suggestions! I think planning on what we can afford and treating the parents’ contributions as extra sounds good, even though I know that would be extremely conservative.
Post # 7
My mom has always said they’ll pay for everything, but then she freaked out when she realized my guest list is over 100 (she literally expected me just to invite her, my dad, and my brother. I’m not a social butterfly, but really?), and when she realized I wanted more than a cake and punch reception. Which kind of signaled the lower the budget, the better. Now my mom is backtracking and going “Wait, you figured out a way to have a catered full meal for 120 people, plus a wedding cake, for under $800? You’re being way too conservative here, sweetheart – let’s go with the full catering service instead of pick-up. And pulling off all table decorations and favors for $80? If you want something more elaborate, go for it.”
A cake and punch reception is always an option if your budget really is limited. 2 o’clock wedding, just have snacks, coffee, punch, and cake. Then have a sort of after party where you and close friends go out later, after dinner, and do whatever you do best (we’d go dancing, but there are no appropriate places within an hour of my hometown.)
Post # 8
the mister asked me what my friends spent on their weddings and then how much i envisioned spending since i have more experience with weddings than he does. we settled on a number. though i will admit that i began squirrling away money the moment i realized he was the one. that was 5 years ago so i have a pretty good chunk of wedding money already saved. i didn’t figure in parental contribution but i found out my mom wants to give some money so that was a fun extra boost.
just figure out how much you both comfortably save each month without stressing yourselves and don’t depend on outside contribution. that way if you get it it’ll be a fun extra and if you don’t, you won’t be hurting for the money.
Post # 9
I am in a similar situation to you, as I’m waiting for the official proposal and am doing a bit of pre-planning research. My parents paid for most, if not all, of my oldest brother’s wedding, but that was 7 or so years ago, and I have no idea what it cost (although I could estimate that it was fairly substantial). I have just sort of been holding off on really strong planning and assuming because of my parent’s financial situation and their past actions that they will be a big financial help with the wedding. I don’t want to get my hopes up though, so shortly after I’m engaged I’m sure I’ll have to see what they say. I do have a list of different places I might want to get more information from but I’m holding off for now.
If I were you I would consider that your parents will be assisting, especially if they did for past siblings. You could also just get price quotes and have ideas for different budgets so you don’t get your heart set on something you can’t afford.
Post # 10
@PinkBubbleGum: Thanks. I did start looking at the different price levels of local venues and caterers. It’s definitely not cheap here near San Francisco.
I do feel like both sides of parents should contribute something, especially since his paid 15k for his brother and I think mine paid ~10k for my brother. So maybe I should factor in that they each contribute a fraction of that…say, 3k would be reasonable?
Post # 11
We have a tentative $10k budget. We’ll be paying it ourselves. The budget includes wedding, honeymoon and attire. The wedding will be destination, so it’s not including plane tickets since he gets a big discount with Delta. 🙂
Post # 12
Seeing as we wont be getting engaged until the boyfriend knows that we can afford to get married, I have been looking for options for cheaper weddings….We will likely have 150 so I think we will need 10K to do the kind of wedding the boy wants, but it could easily blow out to 20k. My parents expect to pay for it, but the boy is uncomfortable with that so I have been researching all different kinds of reception ideas and I think it is possible to have the typical looking wedding (that the boy wants) on a budget. You can hire town halls, get in a caterer and save a few thousand.
Post # 13
We have talked a little bit about it. My vision is an afternoon ceremony/reception (same place), less that 100 people, with hot & cold hors d’oeuvres, coffee, tea, & punch (no alcohol). My bf is okay with this. He said let’s just go to Vegas (he has been married before). I say no way, I’ve waited a long time to find the right guy and I want a wedding. Anyway, I am thinking a budget of around 6-7K. My parents will pay for a good portion of it, but we will pay for some too.
Post # 14
We plan on paying for the wedding ourselves. Together we figured out a budget that would create a decent wedding without bankrupting us. My bf has been married before and so his parents helped him pay for that wedding. My parents won’t be helping me out either. So it’s just us two putting into the wedding. Both of us also weren’t comfortable accepting money from our parents for our own reasons too.
We started with an initial $10k budget and then tried to do our best to juggle our way around it. Currently we have booked the venue, officiant, cake and a few others. The total is coming out to about $8500. I’m really hoping that we can stay under budget! It’ll be a morning ceremony followed by lunch for 70 people.
Post # 15
I’ve been pre-planning for about a month. Just looking around getting prices and what not. I’m the oldest so my parents have never paid for a wedding before and my BF’s parents never paid for a wedding either. Boyfriend or Best Friend has an older brother and his wife’s family paid for the wedding.
My mom told me she had 10,000 saved up for me when I do get married and I got a little uncomfortable. I don’t like the idea of my parents having to pay for my whole wedding. Plus it’s a tradition in my family for my grandparents to buy the wedding dress so my grandparents will be buying that and since it’s a tradition I don’t mind. But I would rather my parents not pay for the whole thing. Right now it’ll probably be around 130 people at our wedding but I know BF’s mom and she’ll invite tons more. I’m just worried about affording the venue. That’s my beef.