Post # 1
So, technically, we are not officially engaged. But we have defintely talked about it and even set a date (January 10, 2015).
The reason why we are not officially engaged is because his younger brother JUST got engaged and they are planning their wedding for November 1st. We didnt want to overshadow their engagement or wedding by announcing ours so we are holding off until most likely getting engaged this summer.
This will be my 2nd wedding and his first so we are going to do something small but we still want a wedding. From planning my 1st over 5 years ago, I realized really quickly how fast things add up and I am wanting to go ahead and start buying/DIY’ing/planning things NOW so the expense wont hit me all at once
Any suggestions on what I could purchase or go ahead and make now to help alleviate the cost down the road?
Side note: I’m glad to have found this forum because I am pretty sure most of my friends would think I am crazy for starting to plan before I got my ring. But I know it’s coming so why not huh? LOL
Post # 3
Personally, I think it’s strange to start planning before you’re actually engaged. I would not start buying things until it actually happens.
Post # 4
@CallMeMrsG: jan 2015 isn’t too far away! If your semi if is on board with it I’d full on plan! You don’t want all the vendors to fill up
Post # 5
I don’t really think it’s a big deal. You’ve agreed to get married, you’ve agreed on a date even.
You’ve planned a wedding before so I’m sure you’ll have a better idea than I would on what you can get started on now. We just got engaged and won’t actively plan until late this year so for now it’s just thinking about budgets, deciding on where (what city and state for us), browsing dresses and venues, setting up a guest list.
Do you have a venue in mind? You could check with your SO and see if he likes it too. If it’s as good as go then start the DIY decorations. Other than that I’m not sure what you can do. Good luck!
Post # 6
@CallMeMrsG: Not announcing your engagement until the summer will make booking big components more difficult – you’ll probably want to talk to your family and various VIPs before you book a date, and that’s hard to do without announcing you’re getting married.
Stuff that can help pre-planning is: saving up money now, researching venues, photographers, etc so you can book those quickly, and assembling a guest list. I wouldn’t worry about DIYing things or physically collecting decorations or something until you at least have a date and a venue.
Post # 7
- Wedding: May 2014 - Beach
I would not actually plan before I’m engaged. But since you have a date why not begin the research process first (that takes a lot of time). Look for a dress,shoes,accesories. Find venues, photographers that you like and ask about prices! If you know the prices before hand you can compare and see which is better then be better informed at the time of the purchase.
Post # 8
@CallMeMrsG: Look, you are either engaged or you are not. If you and your fiance have decided to get married and set a date, it certainly sounds to me like you are engaged.
I also don’t think there’s any reason to wait to announce it. There’s no such thing as “overshadowing.” It’s not like happiness and best wishes are a scarce resource that can only be shared with one couple at a time. 🙂
If you don’t consider yourselves engaged, then you really shouldn’t be planning a wedding. Go ahead and start saving though – having a nice little stockpile never hurts.
Post # 9
I would just start researching things and save money for now.
Post # 10
Sounds to me like you’re engaged. I had the same situation – FI and I decided to get married and picked a date, but we waited to get a ring and make an announcement until after I’d met his out of country parents. My parents knew though, it was not a well kept secret. I considered myself engaged as soon as we picked the date, the ring was just the icing on the cake later when EVERYONE found out.
Things we did before “telling everyone”
1. Made a rough guest list
2. Looked at venues and talked about what kind of wedding we wanted.
3. I bought my dress.
4. We actually booked our venue, church, and photographer, but if this is a super secret then that won’t work if you want to consult close family about a date first.
Making the guest list before doing anything else was the best thing we ever did.
Post # 11
I am in the same boat! We are currently waiting out a buffer for his older brother who just got engaged this January. Maybe were jerks but we’re not waiting that long! I think he’ll propose in April or May and then well marry 2ish months after them- June 2015.
I have done a TON of planning work. Made a guest list. Worked out a budget and getting quotes from vendors, picking menu, rentals, photog, video, venue, flowers, planner… Everything!
but my one caveat is: I haven’t actually dropped any $$ or booked anyone. But my hope is thanks to this research I can book all my major contracts with in a few weeks!
Post # 12
@MrsBuesleBee: Glad I am not alone! Thanks for sharing.
UPDATE: Me and my guy went out do dinner last night and talked about EVERYTHING! I feel so relieved. We are def. pre-engaged (his words) but we are going this weekend to look at rings and then he will officially propose this summer and we moved our date to March 7.
I am still going to wait til he officially proposes to announce anything to our friends and family. They all know we are headed in that direction anyways so it wont be a big surprise but I still want to wait til I get my ring.
I am calling vendors now and going to start putting down deposits soon. I am SO excited!
Post # 13
@CallMeMrsG: Congratulations! I really do caution you to make sure your VIPs (those you can’t imagine not being there, parents, sibs, bridal party) and make sure the date works before you sign contracts and pay deposits
Several years ago my (then) 18 yo stepdd and her mother planned her wedding, kept us in the dark til the church was reserved, dress bought, etc. Then she comes to tell us and she finds out I can’t be there. I was in the later years of my career in the military and I had orders for a Senior NCO academy. Once you have a reserved seat in a school, you don’t cancel unless you or someone in your family died. It was my last academy prior to retirement and my DH had never been to any of my graduations and we had just decided he would come out and attend this one.
She was stunned that I couldn’t attend – she gave no thought at all that people do have obligations to others in the family and their careers. We did NOT ask her to change her date and her father would have attended her wedding without me, but she did go ahead and change it. She acted quite huffy and like a martyr about it (again, NEVER asked her to change it) and voluntarily changed it.
If you want your VIPs there you need to make sure they are available before you sign the contracts. Otherwise, you could set yourself up for someone not being able to be there who is very important to you.
Post # 14
@hermom: THANK YOU!
Yes, I def. am going ahead and scouting everything out but I will be sure to hold off on putting down money until we announce it to everyone.