- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
PP I feel for you. I think it's very weird that people are telling you to wait considering you're heading for your mid-30's- do these people not understand the risk factors for you and baby if you wait too long?
Do whatever makes you happy, and ignore all of these overly involved people- they'll all shut up once you're pregnant anyway.
Honestly? People like to give out advice whether or not it is requested, necessary or aplicable. Most of what these people say likely reflects regrets they had during their own pregnancies\life planning etc.
If you and your husband are ready then no one else can tell you otherwise. it is a personal decision between the two of you and no-one else.
but if this kind of "advice" is getting to you now, just wait until you're pregnant -- it just keeps coming!
How does your Hubby feel about it? He is the one who counts.
Personally i can sympathise with you. i did not realize the risks and took for granted that id be fine to wait.
i am now 34 and i am agonizing as i wait until the May deadline my husband and i have agreed upon to start trying. mostly because we are supposed to move and get new jobs. he wants to move. i am fine with moving but i am also sick inside with every month that i wait. i will be one month shy of 35 when we start and i will have no idea how long it will take us to get pregnant till we do or what shape my eggs are in. i am getting an fsh test but even those can be so unreliable.
the point is not to panic you but to tell you that what's in your heart is right. and by god if you are in a good position and have the great desire to be parents i see no reason for you to wait. i wish you all the luck and babydust in the world on your journey.
I honestly would not talk about reproducing with people. It they ask I always say we will see how things work out. It is really not their business and a very personal decision between you and your husband.
@Audreysdance: Thank you so much! Oh and hubby says that the timing he leaves up to me as it would be my belly the baby is living in (heehee), but he is also 'ready' to be a dad. I too have been sort of freaking out about my fertility and how difficult it might make things to wait longer. I even thought about getting one of those egg tests that you are talking about. But I figured I would wait until we tried for a while before going that route. My heart says to TTC soon... Thanks for the luck and babydust! Good luck to you as well!
@FutureJessicaMcB: you're right! it's about US not what everyone else says. I guess I'm learning that people will judge you no matter WHAT you do.
@missmouse29: Eek, I'll have to toughen my skin for the unsolicited-while-pregnant- advice! I can only imagine.... My cousin is 6 mos. pregnant and while I spent an afternoon with her I witnessed her fielding all SORTS of comments. She took them gracefully. Hopefully I can be the same way
Don't worry, people always think they know best. Do what is right for you. We started TTC after 2.5 months of marriage because we are 32/31, because we are committed stable and ready and becasue we wanted to. I don't pay any mind to what any naysayers have to say about that.
Ugh! I feel ya girl! ((HUGS)) because I know how frustrating that is. I have been "boiling" over a sim situation. My biggest irritation is the "oh just you wait" THANKS I AM WAITING!!! Recently there has been a "baby boom" in my group of friends and family. Of which are youger than me and DH (ok there is ONE that is older, got preg 1 week after their wedding). So its really frutrating when we get the "Oh just you wait...you will see" That and telling us wait until you are ready, dont rush, enjoy your marriage, especially irritating when all the people who are saying this to us, have children who are years younger than us, or where in there relationship/marriage way less of a time then DH and I have been together. Our wedding also just formailty. For the family and had lived together and what not for over 3 years, dating for 5...so yeah....<sigh> i feel ya!
But yes....sorry I vented myself there. Brush it off (thats what I am trying to tell myself too) and do what you and your DH want. Its your decission not theirs. And when you do convieve I am sure you will have people excited and happy for you! Because you dont need to justify WHY, if its what you want and what will make you happy, thats reason enough! They dont need to know anything but that your happy with it. The rest is between you and your hubs! Good luck darlin!
@plantains: thanks! (psst, love your screenname)
@KT_Williams: SOO glad you understand!!! I definitely get the "you don't have kids yet, so JUST YOU WAIT" alot. AGGHH!!! If I ever get "Told you so" later if I say I can't sleep cause of the baby crying, I'll flip, ha hah ha. ;) I'm sure though that like you said, they'll shut up and be excited once i AM pregnant :) (that felt so nice writing). It feels so good to vent. I guess writing it out and reading everyone's replies made me feel better about my decision to TTC soon and not worry about naysayers, etc. thanks for understanding!
I'm 33 and won't be married until I'm 34. If you want kids, I think the time is now. Especially if you want more than 1. People give all sorts of strange advice. My wedding is 7.5 months away and the woman who sits next to me is constantly telling me I need to get pregnant right now. Um yes, a family is important to me, but I think that either being six months pregnant or having a 1 month old (or anything in between!) might throw a kink in our wedding and honeymoon plans.
@lilybugg78: I know right! I totally sighed when i saw this because I am so heated right now over the same thing. Ugh i cant stand the "Just you wait" Especially seeing that me and DH are waiting and planning, where as everyone in the recent "baby boom" was NOT planned. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But dont dangle your mommy "expertise" over me because we are planning and waiting and HAVE waited.
I mean I get it. There are things you dont know and wont fully experience until you have YOUR OWN child. I get that! But gees lay off, I am not dumb to what to expect! I worked IN childcare for years, as well as went to college for Child care and education. I lived with my godchild from when he was 5 months to 2 years seeing as my BF was a single mom and I helped out A LOT. More than I should have to be honest. She was waaaay too young and not ready, could sleep through a train going through the house so I would get up with him in the night to feed, changed more diapers and bathed etc more than I think she did. My own car seat for him everything. Love her to death, but it was rough. I loved him dearly though like family so its not like I had to, I just did.
So I know what to expect. I think I have a pretty good idea with my experience. Like I said, i know its not the same until you have your own, but I hate it when they practically "talk down" to you like an idiot. Well : )~ I have waited and I will see dang it! Especially now that I have "baby fever" its hard....I dont even know how to talk to anyone about this. Everyone has known us as WAITING. And until about a month ago we still wanted to wait over a year. Well OK so I...still need to talk to DH about my feelings on this as of recent. But anyways....its just hard. Because I feel everyone is going to think I have the "fever" because of the recent boom. When in all truth i had it before then and then when every friend of mine (seriously all but one) got pregnant, it was almost discouraging like I should wait becasue there was SO MUCH during that time. OK that doesnt really make sense. But I dont know, it was just discouraging. LOL Now that they are all done and had the babies I feel like I can have "my time" I dont know. That sounds crazy doesnt it? LOL But I just feel like I dont know WHO I can talk to seeing as all my friends who had these "un planned" babies are going to give advice that I dont see as really helpful or to be honest wanted seeing that its coming from people who have been with their partner considerably less than DH and I, and who are younger, as well as who had an un planned. Ugh!
OH I <3 Wedding Bee! My sanity thanks this place right now. ...<sigh> feel better thanks!
Do you read A Practical Wedding or Offbeat Bride? They both wrote about how people love to fear-monger and tell the worst stories, and it's true for babies as much as it is for marriage. Check these out: http://offbeatbride.com/2010/01/fear-mongering-youll-seeeee and http://apracticalwedding.com/2009/12/reclaiming-wife-comparing-notes/
I also recommend this post on how babies don't kill marriages: http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/08/babies-dont-ruin-your-marriage/
Sorry for the link overload! It just frustrates me how people push these negative stories that shape how we view wedding/marriage/babies (and are just plain annoying). With your age and how long you've been living together, I would definitely say you should ignore them and give in to the baby fever :)
@Future MrsB: I can't believe that advice the woman is giving you. Irritating!
@KT_Williams: the "talking down to you" part is definitely annoying. you definitely know what having a small child entails and don't need people saying "just you wait". btw, you were such a good friend to your BF helping with her baby! :) It's definitely not crazy, your feeling it's your turn. You deserve it! It seems you've waited as long as and have had baby fever like me, and I think we're due to give in to it :o) It's funny too, my DH obviously knows about my baby fever and last night called me into the living room to show me the CUTEST baby on TV. He paused the screen and everything. heehee
@mvp_bride: ooh, thanks for the links! and yes, thank goodness for Wedding Bee. I feel like something's been lifted off my shoulders and I feel at peace ignoring the negativity and naysayers!
@lilybugg78: Thats too cute! How funny he paused it! Awwww
Those were go links! Interesting and so true!
Tried to talk to DH about it last night. Ugh! Well I think he was too tired and crabby to think about it or something. He seemed more discouraged than anything. He worries so much about $. We both work, I have a good paying job so does he. Right now we just live like we want, buy what we want, and I see that as a luxery and something we wont always do. If we didnt "live" like that then we would def have more $ then he realizes. He just worries so much because his previos marriage his ex cleared them out when he was on deployement. Came back to both cars re-poed. 5 of those money tree lender things taken out. Most there home furnishings were sold, and she was trying to leave and run back to her moms with their baby. So he is so picky about money now. He had to live in someones garage for over a year to help him get out of debt. Took him YEARS! So he is sooooo picky about money! So that is his biggest concern and he is just simply afraid of the cost. <sigh> I understand it, but geesh!
@KT_Williams:Awww Katie I"m sorry you have to deal with that. I mean, yes, it is HORRIBLE what happened to him. But it was be sooooo frustrating for you to try to ease his fears that it doesn't mean that money woes will happen again to that extreme once you have a baby. You guys are financially stable. I wish you lots and lots of luck. Maybe you can see a financial planner with him, and if he sees on paper that you guys "look good" he won't be as nervous!
Wow, after reading your post, I can totally relate to you as well. My situation is very similar but I'm older. I'm 34 about to turn 35 this December, day after Christmas. I already went through my 30th birthday almost 5 years ago determined to hopefully meet the special somone and have children before I'm 35. Well, good thing is that I met my special somone already, my dear husband and we just got married this past August after living with each other for almost 4 years. I still get people telling me, oh you just got married enjoy you married life for at least a year before thinking about starting a family. I'm like we already lived with each other. And unfortunately my husband is now unemployed and I'm the only one working. However I do wonder if we wait any longer, will I run into IF problems? I don't know and it doesn't help that I do look younger for my age so people forget I'm on a very short timeline for child bearing years. Oh and my husband is in no rush as well, he feels women can have children well over 40 plus. I don't know at times, this is driving me crazy, I'll just wait and see, hopefully if he gain employment soon that would make him more on abroad to TTC.
@bellarain: I can TOTALLY completely relate to the "looking younger than you really are" too!!! Sometimes I think that's a lot of the reason people say we "still have time." I'm like... uhhh, 33 here. These eggs don't last forever you know, lol. Plus the fact that hollywood stars are having kids older and older, but they either a) have the money for treatments or b) have surrogates or c) are just blessed :o) But i'd rather NOT take that gamble! I hope your hubby gets a job asap!!! so you can start working on babies :)
@bellarain: You and I are like twins! Sort of. Well, going through similar experiences, at least. I'm going to be 36 in December, and C and I got married on August 7 (although in 2010). We both also look younger than we are. Basically, I could have written your post.
I have no idea what to do... I'm an RN and I used to work in maternity. I know the very real consequences of waiting too long, but tell that to C! He is 100% convinced we'll get pregnant right away and have a full-term pregnancy that results in a perfectly happy baby. The very first time. Without miscarriages. :(
It only gets worse! If anyone figures out you're actually trying to conceive, they'll hit you with loads of annoying advice...Gems such as "Just relax and it will happen..." I want to drop-kick anyone who says that! And "When God wants you to have a baby, it'll happen when the time is right..." Really? Well I've been peeing on opks every month and making sure I have millions of swimmers in me when I ovulate, and then I put my ass in the air for 20 minutes! WHEN IS THE TIME GOING TO BE RIGHT WHEN I'M WORKING SO HARD????
It's like SandDollar says...When you get married, your vagina and sex life becomes a free for all - lol....Love her;)
You should hang out with my family and friends. I am younger and we just got married less than 2 months ago but my parents/uncle/aunts/....already nag us to have kids.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| MissBoPeep | 89 |
| beargoose | 54 |
| hisgoosiegirl | 51 |
| Mrs.KMM | 46 |
| BetterSherm | 42 |
| akp0702 | 41 |
| ndreighton | 40 |
| stardustintheeyes | 36 |
| Beckster329 | 36 |
| MrsPom | 35 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| joy2011 | 4 |
| bostongirl27 | 4 |
| roxy821 | 3 |
| Running Elley | 2 |
| DHillwig | 2 |
| flamingred | 1 |
| bunny | 1 |
| hergreenapples | 1 |
| Jenn23 | 1 |
| Gabrielle123 | 1 |
Why does everyone feel the need to give me advice on my uterus now that I'm newly married? (mid-summer 2011 wedding). It's genuinely aggravating and stressing me out. I try to get over these things, and chalk it up to well meaning advice. But unsolicited advice is a major peeve of mine and aggravates me to no end.
I have been with DH for 5 years, 3 of which we have been sharing a home together as committed life partners. He and I knew that marriage was in our future. The wedding was a beautiful ceremony with friends and family; it was a public "formality" and display of our unity and commitment to each other. (We were equally committed to each other before the wedding.)
I had baby fever with now DH since the beginnings of our dating. I'd never thought I wanted kids until I met him. (I always knew he was "the one" for me!) I'd say this to friends and I'd of course get "No. Wait until you're married and have a house." Well, the "wait until you're married" I personally agreed with. So fine, I'll wait.
Now we're married. Here goes the annoying things I hear:
“Don’t have kids yet. Enjoy your marriage first”. So, are you saying that the three years that we spent living together in our home as a couple (and equally as committed to each other as we were before and after receiving our marriage certificate in the mail from City Hall), don’t count? Were we just playing ‘house’ that whole time? What about the fact that this entire time, since the very beginning of our relationship, I’ve wanted nothing more than to have a child with him? And that I waited until we were married first? Oh, I have to wait even longer now?
“Don’t have kids, you’ll never sleep once you do.” Oh, OK. So I’ll just go ahead and never experience motherhood and fulfill my desire to hold my baby based entirely on this advice.
“Don’t rush, you’re still young.” Is 33 really the peak of fertility? OK. So would you like me to delay more, and wait until I’m, say, 35? OK sure, I”ll do that. Though, what happens if we do wait until I am 35 (which my doctor said does increase risks when I told her I was thinking of TTC soon), and we experience trouble conceiving? I am sure I would hear “you should have tried starting a family sooner”, huh. Not to mention the cost of treatment IF we do run into problems?
“everything changes once you have kids”. Uhhhh yes, I know this! I have been around my fair share of little ones in whose lives I play a very active role. So do you regret kids? Do you wish you hadn’t? Wait, here comes the best part:
It's just so frustrating. I want to be able to talk to people about my desire to have kids without being made to feel as though I'm doing something extremely out-of-this-world.
I think in January I'd like to get off of BC and finally TTC, but all these comments and advice are really getting to me. Am I really so crazy to TTC at 33, 6 months into an official marriage but 3 years of living as a couple in a home with a husband, two stable jobs?