pre-wedding anxiety

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@nancyclarissa:  First off honey, breathe! It’s all going to be fine. You obviously love this man with all your heart if you agreed to marry him. Think about what influenced your decision to agree to that! Secondly, Please don’t think of the what-ifs, thats a REALLY good way to make your life miserable. Look forward to learning about his music and interests and maybe he’ll share in some of yours? I think differences make relationships interesting! Maybe take some time together before the wedding and go on a day trip and dinner someplace? Try and just think about how he makes you happy.  I also moved to a new place after the wedding and it was really difficult. I was able to keep my job, but the commute is a killer. It makes my mad all the time, BUT it’s worth it to come home to my husband. Have you discussed any of this with him? Before you do, try and decifer between wedding anxiety and anxiety between you both. You can postpone the wedding of course. It’s a really big step and you both need to discuss your futures together. 

I wish you so much luck!

Post # 4
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I really think it’s just anxiety and the move that is making you feel uneasy.

Like the above poster said , you said yes for a reason. Obviously you do love this man.

But at the same time, you really are the only one who can answer these questions for your self.

If you were to eliminate everything from the mix and just thought about him and you and your relationship, do you still want to be with him? Forget about the move and really ask yourself if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

I really think that there is so much going on in your life that you can’t discern the feeling of anxiety and the transition of moving, from really wanting to get married or not. I hope I am making sense.

I have had a similar situation as you, except I moved from my home to another province bc my then BF, now FH, did not like Toronto. He wanted to be in the province he grew up in and spent so much time away from. I loved and still love this man so much, that after I was done university, we moved to his hometown and have never looked back. To be honest, it was really hard at first, and at times is still hard. My family is still back home and I haven’t been able to visit as much as I would like. My greatest friends are home too and I miss them more than anything.

My jobs sucked when I moved here. There was not a big market for my profession , and anything I could get was minimum wage. I felt as if I spent all this money on my education, and I couldn’t work in the field I wanted when we got here. I was so upset.

We had to fight really hard to get to where we wanted. But during those hard times, it did take a toll on the relationship a bit and I was frustrated at times with him because he was home, and happy, working in his profession and seeing his friends and family all the time, and I had none of that. I just had him ( and his family of course because we all got along). I was stressed all of the time and he could see that and we argued a bunch.

However, at the end of the day, even though times were hard, I knew I wanted to be with him. I knew I loved him and that we would figure everything out.

And we did. I finally reached my goals career wise, and we are stable financially, and are doing better than ever.

That’s what it comes down to.

If you really just don’t want to be with him, then don’t.

If it’s just the transition,  I would give it time. It took me 2.5 years to really settle in. It was hard, but worth it.

I think he dismisses you when you try to talk to him about it, because he doesn’t want to acknowledge that you are unhappy with the move, which is something that he wanted or had to do for his job. Men aren’t always good at talking about their feelings , which I’m sure you know.


In the end, You have to be happy. I know you don’t have a lot of time, but it’s definitly not a decision you should rush into. You don’t want to regret it.

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