Pre-Wedding Blues

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I stick with our agreement?
    Yes, he agreed multiple times that he was willing and able to contribute that amount. : (10 votes)
    83 %
    No, you should not accept his money, it is unfair to the rest of your family. : (2 votes)
    17 %
    Compromise, agree to half of the amount, even though they still wont get to go on a holiday. : (0 votes)
    Other, please specify! :) : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    2055 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @AlmostMrsShield:  You are hearing this news about your brother missing out on a holiday second-hand from your aunt. You are not hearing this directly from your brother, and you are not hearing this directly from your dad. You need to base your decisions on facts, so make sure you get your facts straight directly from the people involved, and not from your aunt.

    I would check in with your dad about what you heard from your aunt to find out if it is true. If he wants to give you a gift of $6K, or anything for that matter, that is his gift and you should be gracious and accept it. If he wants to give your brother a holiday, he can do that. It is his choice to give as he so chooses

    Then, the next time your see your aunt, DON’T TALK TO HER ABOUT FINANCES. It is NONE of her business. Change the subject, smile and say you’re grateful for her concern and then talk about something ELSE.


    Post # 4
    324 posts
    Helper bee

    @AlmostMrsShield:  Your dad wants to do this for you. It’s none of your aunt’s business. It’s not her money. Besides, a daughter’s/sister’s wedding is more important than one holiday! They can do that every other year. This generous gift is between your father and you. Don’t let your aunt make you feel bad just because she can’t help but express her opinion about money that’s not hers. Eat some chocolate and feel better, OP! 🙂

    Post # 6
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Oh dear. OP, it sounds like your aunt is sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. How your father budgets his money is none of her business, and it’s not something you should feel guilty about either. He wants to contribute to your special day, and he made the decision to divert funds towards what he sees as a priority. It’s not like you hounded him for the money.

    My future FIL put us through the same thing…he offered to contribute financially to the wedding, and then proceeded to guilt-trip FI by saying how this means he won’t be taking a summer vacation. He also said that he still ‘owed’ FI’s brother a large expense of money because they sent FI to the US for an exchange year when he was in high school, and didn’t do the same for his brother. 

    If you are really feeling concerned, I would have a quiet chat with your dad about the whole thing – and make sure he doesn’t feel guilty for spending the money on your wedding instead of your brother (and if, in fact, that’s actually the case).

    Post # 7
    830 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @AlmostMrsShield:  What did you say back to her? I would have said “Look I’m sorry Aunty, but I really think this is none of your business…”

    Following that, I would speak to your brother and your dad just to clear the air about this whole money thing, to make sure no one’s feelings are being hurt. If your dad really wants to contribute, but you still feel terrible about the holiday issue, maybe you could suggest to split the $6000? As in, get your dad to give your $3000 for the wedding but keep the other $3000 for the holiday?

    Might be good to mention to your dad what your aunt said to you as well, so he has some idea of why you are feeling/thinking the way you are about everything.

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