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Are you having a rehearsal/rehearsal dinner? I think that's what most people do the night before the wedding.
You could do a "lets kick off the wedding festivities" event. I am confused though...if you want to have some type of appetizer, someone has to pay for it...and is therefore hosting the party. It can totally be you and your groom though. We are hosting a "wedding eve soiree" for all of our guests in lieu of a rehearsal dinner. It's my groom's big project and he's really proud of his involvement so I just let him run with it...a dinner cruise on the Chicago River.
I think it's more typical for this type of event to be hosted, being the day/night before the actual wedding. It's reminiscent of rehearsal dinner even if there's no rehearsal.
If u or ur family has a house, open up the house for a informal bbq or appetizer/drinks, or dessert. Or if you want the event to be earlier, a bbq or frisbee in the park?
I think it is good etiquette to host the pre-wedding event. I would just go for something reasonable in cost. Like pren79 suggested, if you know someone who would be willing to open up their house to your guests in the area you could have some kind of bbq or something. Even pizza. You could have a similar event at a park in your area or at a low-key restaurant. The point I am trying to make is that I think events like this should be hosted by the couple or the couple's family, but there are ways to make them very affordable. Pizza for 100 people would only run you a few hundred dollars.
By the way, my family and I held a BBQ at a local park by our house and it was great! Very casual and fun. We made all of the food, including ten pies, but it was worth it!
We aren't really having a rehearsal at our ceremony because there is a wedding already scheduled the day before (each wedding gets full access from 9am-midnight). So, we are planning on gathering the bridal party and close family for dinner at a local resturant and then the girls are going to one of my bridesmaid's house for a slumber party! We are going to have drinks, appetizers and treat each other to relaxing spa treatments :) I'm very excited! My fiance will be staying at our house the night before because of our dog and hasn't even began to think about anything he wants to do!
After our rehearsal dinner we are having a quick non-hosted event to greet our out of town guests who aren't in the wedding party. Basically, we have just informed our guests (through the wedding schedule in their OOT bags) that they are welcome to swing by so-and-so bar where we will be hanging out for a couple of hours having drinks. FI and I want to go to bed reasonably early on the night before our wedding, but at least this will allow us to catch up a bit with some of our guests before the Big Special Day :-)
We had a very informal get together at a local pub's roof-top bar. It started around 8 pm and it was not hosted so everyone had to purchase their own drinks/eats (although my husband and I never had to put down a dollar or see our glass get empty!). We had this after our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. We did not send out invitations but we had a DW so we spread the word by mouth and then put it on the itinerary that was included in the OOT bags. We were careful to call it "casual" and by starting at 8 pm, no one came expecting to be fed. It worked perfectly and we really enjoyed it! Some guests chose not to come - as they wanted to sight-see, get some rest after a long day of travel or whatever - and that was fine, too.
My friend was married the day after Halloween, and I organized our friends into a small Halloween party in a hotel room after the rehearsal dinner. The bride had a great time and even invited some of her and her FI's family. We had a blast. Not that that suggestion helps out everyone who's getting married during the other 364 days of the year. :)
Edit/Update: We aren't doing a rehearsal dinner because we aren't having a formal bridal party (thus, no rehearsal needed). On the Thursday before the wedding, a cousin is hosting a dinner for my family that's coming in from out of town. But, I'd like to have something for the local people and any OOT people that will be here the Friday before.
My house is really the only other local option to do it. I have a friend who would likely be willing to host something at her house, but I feel bad about asking (she has a nephew who is losing a battle with cancer, and I don't want to impose, should his passing be around the time of the wedding).
I guess I could plan a low-key open house type thing - easy drinks and nibbles.... that might work (although, my house is TINY).... oh well - it will be COZY.
I know FI will balk at that idea (since it means more work for me) ... keep the suggestions coming ladies - this is really helpful!
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I'd like to have an event of some sort the night before the wedding. Nothing too crazy, just a time where people could drop in, say hello - that kind of thing.
It would be great to do a no-host appetizers type thing somewhere - but I don't know if that's a breech of etiquette to do something like that.
Do pre-wedding events need to be hosted? Would it be wrong to invite people over to "X" spot and just let them know we'll be there and to join us if they'd like?
I will say that FI is not pro this idea (he claims he doesn't want a late night... ok, good point FI, but what about all our friends/family who are coming out for this event, etc.!). At the moment he says we should just play it by ear. Yeah... that's not going going to work so well for me ;)
Anyway - I'd like to come up with a solid idea to present to FI as an idea and would love to know what you guys are doing pre-wedding night.