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We sent our thank yous out before the wedding. We had a small wedding too. I didn't send anyone a thank you specifically for coming to the wedding though.
I think you should wait until right after the wedding. I totally agree that sending thank yous ASAP is good form, so you can't really go wrong, but if you are having a small wedding, it would be really thoughtful to have a note about their attendance, (like "Mary, you looked beautiful" or "It was just wonderful seeing your happy faces while I walked down the aisle"). No one will have expected you to have opened the gifts now, so waiting is fine.
We started getting gifts over a month ago (our wedding is may 8th) and I sent thank yous immediately and told them we were looking forward to seeing them at the wedding. We're also planning on sending another card after the wedding to thank them for attending and hopefully send them a photo. I think it's totally up to you how you want to handle it but I always appreciate getting thanks you promptly.
I haven't gotten married yet but the same thing happened with our wedding shower. Our shower was Sunday and I started the thank you notes last night and am doing those for the people who came to the shower now. The only thank you notes I sent out before were for those who sent a gift but were unable to attend.
I always think it is best to send the thank-you note RIGHT after you receive the gift, and that is what I have been doing. I would think that if someone doesn't hear from you for a month after they sent a gift, they will wonder whether you actually received it. Plus, I think it is possible that people still might bring a card to the wedding, in which case I would probably send another card thanking them for coming and for their lovely card or whatever...
I always say to send a thank you immediately after receiving a gift. If you want to send a thank you also for attending the wedding you can do that as well.
I suggest, going forward or for other Bees, you give them a spontaneous phone call thank-you now and follow-up with a written thank-you within a month after the wedding. You can actually start your thank-you notes now by addressing the envelopes as the gifts come in, mail them after.
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Hi bees,
I have a question. We recieved a generous gift off of our registry from one of our guests who IS attending our wedding. When do we send the thank you? I am believer that thank-yous should go out ASAP after recieving a gift, but in this case, I also want to thank the couple for attending our wedding (we are having a VERY small wedding). Our big day is May 22. Should I wait to send the thank-you until after the wedding, should I send 2 thank you notes?
Thanks!!