(Closed) Pre wedding gift promise fell through. Angry

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is it ok to not invite?
    Yes : (29 votes)
    21 %
    No : (46 votes)
    34 %
    This guy is an asshole! You better not invite him! : (18 votes)
    13 %
    You should forgive him, maybe something is going on in his life? : (44 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1629 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think you should just send him and invite.  If he’s avoiding you he’s not going to come anyways.

    Post # 4
    Member
    237 posts
    Helper bee

    Well, first off, I’m glad you’re buying the kilt elsewhere. People can be flaky; they promise something because they genuinely want to see a friend happy but then don’t follow through. It’s not necessarily malicious, just immature and somewhat selfish. Everybody has done it.

    I would not invite P. The wedding isn’t for six months anyway. If FI and P JUST reconnected that one time and there has been no follow-up (and/or flat out avoidance) I would just chalk this up to a life lesson and forget about it.

    People will say that since you sent the save-the-date you’ve gotta send the invitation. If you do that, P might feel so sheepish he’ll decline anyway.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1199 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    That’s a tough one. I completely understand where you’re coming from. The important thing is that your FI got is outfit. And now maybe just wait a little longer to see what P has to say about not being around. Until you know for sure what his reason is, then make your decision. And if you guys don’t hear from him at all, then I would just leave him out until he contacts you guys. But you don’t have to invite if you don’t want to just because you sent him a std, after not hearing from him after his offer. Most likely he’s not a friend youdon’t want to keep around. So its no harm done if yoh just don’t invite him. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    STD sent = invite must be sent. To do anything else is only going to make you guys look bad and is insanely rude. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5983 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I understand being upset, misleading people is never nice, but until I had all of the information I would suspend judgment…you just never know what is happening in a person’t life and if you jump to conclusions, you look worse for it.  I vanished this summer because my mother fell terribly ill and had to be taken to the Mayo Clinic, I felt no obligation to explain anything to anyone until I was through the worst of it…now he could totally be a jerk, but you just never know.  And I think you can rent kilts if it gets too close to go time!

    Sorry this all happened, hope it works out!

    Post # 8
    Member
    696 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I agree with emilygrace07, you sent a STD which is kind of like a promise to invite, you need to follow through on that even though he didnt follow through on his promise. Be the bigger person, it wont hurt you any to have him there.

    Post # 9
    Member
    882 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    yeah, don’t stoop to his level of impoliteness. Send him an invite…maybe it will make him think about how wrong he was. But mostlikely he’ll decline. That way you walk away knowing you did the right thing. In his mind, by you uninviting him will make things even. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    532 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @mixtapehearts:  I diagree.  He’s already crossed the insanely rude and looking bad line so too bad for him. 

     

    If you invite him and he does show you’ll most likely end up being annoyed on your wedding day.  I wouldnt invite him, not because he isnt giving you the gift he promised but because hes ignoring you guys.

    Post # 11
    Member
    11760 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Sorry but I don’t think you can NOT invite him now. You sent a STD, not inviting him would essentially be uninviting him which is in incredibly poor taste.  The only one that will end up looking bad here is you because essentially you’re showing him that you’re not inviting him because he didn’t give a gift, which seems incredibly shallow and materialistic in my opinion.  Would you uninvite someone to your wedding beacuse they came to your bridal shower empty handed?

    I can understand being disappointed that the kilt thing with your friend fell through, but cannot imagine being angry. I’m sure something came up and he is probably embarassed having to go back on his offer. I’m not saying he handled it in the best way, but I don’t think you can be angry about it.  Your wedding (including the groom’s attire) is no one’s responsibility to provide but you and your FI.

    Post # 12
    Member
    3295 posts
    Sugar bee

    Don’t invite him—- when someone avoids you, then they don’t need an invitation.

    Post # 13
    Member
    4525 posts
    Honey bee

    I’d invite him. He probably won’t come, but not inviting him would make you two look bad. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    12573 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Well, if you don’t send an invitation, be aware if might be the end of the friendship.  It sounds like your FI is so mad that he’d be okay with that, though. 

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