Post # 1
Sorry kind of long:
So about 4 months ago FI old friend from High school moved to the city and got in touch to re-connect. They talked a bit and we went to
breakfast with him so I could meet him. ( lets call him P)
So after breakfast P says “as your wedding gift I would really like to buy you your kilt.” (FI is half Scottish and wants to get married in a
kilt but they cost upwards of $500.00!) so FI says “wow, are you sure, that’s too much I really can’t accept” we were both overwhelmed at how generous he was being. P insisted! (he makes really really good money)
We thanked him and after chatting a bit more we parted ways.
*we hadn’t planned on inviting P to the wedding they hadn’t seen each other in years and our guest list is tight!
But after that, obviously we had to invite him…
We got together again about a month after to take FI measurements so P could order the Kilt. Well there ended up being complications… The
place P got his kilt from was OOB and the other places we found didn’t have the right tartans or didn’t have his size jacket (P offered to
buy the whole wedding outfit willing to spend up to $900.00!)
So things started falling through but he insured FI he would figure it out.
Flash to now…6 months from the wedding, P is not returning calls, texts, facebook messages. Totally avoiding FI.
Most places we were looking at ordering from said it would be 4 to 5 months… um so yeah things should have been ordered a while ago to be sure!
So FI is really upset with P for this, it was a gift he shouldn’t have offered and let us rely on him if he was just going to bail… its like a really sick joke.
FI found a guy who will make him a Kilt locally it will be around $300 but that also means its not the real 100% wool 8 yard kilt. We will be
breaking our budget but, FI is happy we found something and he can just forget about Ps offer. It had really been weighing on him and
stressing him out the last 2 months. Waiting to see if P would come through.
So here’s the thing… we don’t want to send an invite to P. He has already been sent a STD but I think if you do something like this and
don’t at least apologize or explain that you aren’t going to be able to do what you offered you are not a good friend and should not be
involved in our day.
Does that sound fair… if we just don’t send him an invite?
I feel like unless he some how redeems himself before we mail the invites he is blacklisted.
Post # 3
I think you should just send him and invite. If he’s avoiding you he’s not going to come anyways.
Post # 4
Well, first off, I’m glad you’re buying the kilt elsewhere. People can be flaky; they promise something because they genuinely want to see a friend happy but then don’t follow through. It’s not necessarily malicious, just immature and somewhat selfish. Everybody has done it.
I would not invite P. The wedding isn’t for six months anyway. If FI and P JUST reconnected that one time and there has been no follow-up (and/or flat out avoidance) I would just chalk this up to a life lesson and forget about it.
People will say that since you sent the save-the-date you’ve gotta send the invitation. If you do that, P might feel so sheepish he’ll decline anyway.
Post # 5
That’s a tough one. I completely understand where you’re coming from. The important thing is that your FI got is outfit. And now maybe just wait a little longer to see what P has to say about not being around. Until you know for sure what his reason is, then make your decision. And if you guys don’t hear from him at all, then I would just leave him out until he contacts you guys. But you don’t have to invite if you don’t want to just because you sent him a std, after not hearing from him after his offer. Most likely he’s not a friend youdon’t want to keep around. So its no harm done if yoh just don’t invite him.
Post # 6
STD sent = invite must be sent. To do anything else is only going to make you guys look bad and is insanely rude.
Post # 7
I understand being upset, misleading people is never nice, but until I had all of the information I would suspend judgment…you just never know what is happening in a person’t life and if you jump to conclusions, you look worse for it. I vanished this summer because my mother fell terribly ill and had to be taken to the Mayo Clinic, I felt no obligation to explain anything to anyone until I was through the worst of it…now he could totally be a jerk, but you just never know. And I think you can rent kilts if it gets too close to go time!
Sorry this all happened, hope it works out!
Post # 8
I agree with emilygrace07, you sent a STD which is kind of like a promise to invite, you need to follow through on that even though he didnt follow through on his promise. Be the bigger person, it wont hurt you any to have him there.
Post # 9
yeah, don’t stoop to his level of impoliteness. Send him an invite…maybe it will make him think about how wrong he was. But mostlikely he’ll decline. That way you walk away knowing you did the right thing. In his mind, by you uninviting him will make things even.
Post # 10
@mixtapehearts: I diagree. He’s already crossed the insanely rude and looking bad line so too bad for him.
If you invite him and he does show you’ll most likely end up being annoyed on your wedding day. I wouldnt invite him, not because he isnt giving you the gift he promised but because hes ignoring you guys.
Post # 11
Sorry but I don’t think you can NOT invite him now. You sent a STD, not inviting him would essentially be uninviting him which is in incredibly poor taste. The only one that will end up looking bad here is you because essentially you’re showing him that you’re not inviting him because he didn’t give a gift, which seems incredibly shallow and materialistic in my opinion. Would you uninvite someone to your wedding beacuse they came to your bridal shower empty handed?
I can understand being disappointed that the kilt thing with your friend fell through, but cannot imagine being angry. I’m sure something came up and he is probably embarassed having to go back on his offer. I’m not saying he handled it in the best way, but I don’t think you can be angry about it. Your wedding (including the groom’s attire) is no one’s responsibility to provide but you and your FI.
Post # 12
Don’t invite him—- when someone avoids you, then they don’t need an invitation.
Post # 13
I’d invite him. He probably won’t come, but not inviting him would make you two look bad.
Post # 14
Wow ladies, thank you for all the feedback. I figured I would get a lot of differing opinions.
Just a couple notes to clarify:
To those who think we would be uninviting P because he didn’t get us a gift you are absolutely wrong! We are not shallow and could care less about gifts… this is a different situation.
Its not like he promised to get us a blender and just didn’t follow through. He wasinsisting on making FI dream come true… which would have been awesome but instead has been so frustrating and hurtful to FI.
And we haven’t had contact from P for 2 months… If we don’t hear from him in the next 4 months what is the point of having him at the wedding? He would obviously NOT be a close friend. And our wedding is going to be 80 people or less.
If he told us today that he was sorry he just isn’t able to follow through we would still invite him.
Something could be going on in his life so I will give him a smidgen of the benefit of the doubt. But I have seen him post things on Facebook so its not like he hasn’t seen the messages asking to get together and figure stuff out. If you have time to post on facebook you have time to say “I’m sorry….”
If not sending an invite makes us look rude it will only be known to him so I could care less what he thinks considering the way he has treated FI.
Also FI is the one who said “He is not coming to the wedding after this!” He is super hurt that P did this to him. (I will support his decision)
TO REPEAT: Its not about the material gift, its the way he has handled this without explanation, knowing what a huge deal it is!
PS I would notice he was there if he accepted the invite and I really don’t want to risk it and pay for a meal for someone I frankly don’t have good feelings towards anymore.
So in my mind: no apology+no word= NO invite.
Post # 15
Well, if you don’t send an invitation, be aware if might be the end of the friendship. It sounds like your FI is so mad that he’d be okay with that, though.