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I'm so sorry for your loss... I wish for comfort and peace for you and your family. And for guidance as well <3
((HUGS))
I'm so so sorry for your loss.
Take a break from wedding planning for a few weeks and just be there to support your FI and his family. Don't even think about it yet. As time moves forward, you guys will eventually get around to figuring out how to go on. Luckily you've still got a relatively long time until the wedding.
Oh, and maybe check out Mrs. Beagle's posts, as she lost her mother a few months before her wedding. Maybe it will give you some peace.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
I would wait until at least after the funeral to make any decisions about the wedding. Right now everyone is probably very raw and not in the best position to think rationally about how to proceed. If you're worried about deposits, I would phone your vendors ASAP, explain the situation and ask for their understanding as you and FI sort things through.
As to whether or not you go ahead, I think that should probably be governed by your FI and his father's feelings. They're the two most affected by the loss, and so it would probably be best if their opinions carried the most weight.
Something similar happened in my family at the start of Dec 09, We actually had a florist meeting for the wedding and had to do funeral flowers as well. Its hard, but also gives a good distraction. You can also talk to your FI and see how/if he owuld like to honor his mother in somehow during the ceremony.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I am so sorry for your loss!!! I can't even begin to imagine how hard this is for your fiance, and for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
I am so sorry for your loss. September is still 7 months away. I would give it sometime at least a month or so and then resume wedding planning. Anything you need to do over the next month or so, maybe try to go to some appointments by yourself. I'm sure your FI needs you and your attention right now, maybe in a few weeks he'll want to start focusing on the wedding since it is something positive.
I am so sorry! I will also be sending you good thoughts and wishes. Can you just put a hold on wedding planning for a little while, while still keeping your date?
((More Hugs))
That is very sad, and I wish you the best of luck in supporting your FI through this. I too would put the planning down for a while and when you and him feel ready, pick it back up.
(((hugs)))
I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that she wouldn't want you to stop planning either. You have plenty of time to work out the rest of the details, so take the time you need to grieve and when you both are feeling up to it you can finish planning. Also maybe thinking of ways to honor her would help your FI remember her on the wedding day.
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what the two of you must be going through. I can understand how the things on your wedding to-do list must seem so unimportant right now, and for the most part they are. I would suggest that you two not focus on anything wedding-related right now. Your FI needs time to heal emotionally, well at least heal as best he can right now. That's not something that will ever completely go away. Like you said, your FI's mom would not want you two to postpone the wedding, so don't do that, but try to put the little things out of your mind for now and focus on being there for your FI right now when he really needs your support. If there are wedding things that absolutely need to be taken care of right now, I would do them on your own or with a BM, your mom, etc. and not bother him with it if you think that he won't be able to handle it or won't want to deal with wedding stuff. The most important thing right now is to support him emotionally while he works through this loss. Again, I'm so sorry to hear that you and your FI are going through this. ((HUGS))
I was going to say exactly what Mrs. Mouse did. I think it's so important to just take a break for a while and not make decisions about anything wedding related. I promise you still have plenty of time to plan for Sept even with a break. And, I'm really sorry for your and your fiance's loss.
I am sorry for your loss and my only advice would be to take this time from wedding planning to help your FH thru his grief and be there to comfort him because even though men act tough and try to keep it all in we all know that sooner or later it comes out. Since the wedding is 7-8 months away maybe you can ask your FI how he would like to include his mother into the day even though she wont be there physically she will be there in spirit and thru his love for her. I know i have seen some postings on here about ways to tie in the memory of a parent into the special day. Once again I am truly sorry for your loss.
Big hugs. I know how hard this can be. FH's dad passed away in early Dec after a 5 month battle against lung cancer. It was soul destroying to see such a wonderful man die in such pain. Sometimes it's still unbelievable to think that he won't see his boy get married.
All I can say is right now, shelve the wedding planning and be there for your FH. In a week or so just ask him if he would like to continue with the planning or if he wants to move it back. And then continue on from there.
My FH is the kind of person who needs something to keep him busy otherwise he falls into a funk over this kind of thing that can take months and months for him to get out of. So he asked that we keep going with wedding projects. We scheduled a couple hours a week to dedicate to wedding planning and for the rest of the week we let it go and he went to see his family and deal with the funeral, etc etc. As time has gone by we've slowly increased the amount of time we're dedicating to wedding planning.
If you need someone to talk to then feel free to PM me. FH and I are by no means out of the woods yet but by standing by each other and supporting each other we're definitely getting there.
I am so sorry for your loss, that is so tragic and just awful. Mrs. Mouse is right on the money- you don't need to necessarily postpone your wedding, but I have no doubt it is so hard to think about fluffy stuff like florists and DJs right now. If I were you, just take a month off of wedding planning, totally put it out of your head and be there for your FI and grieve until March, and see how you feel. I think if you need to take several weeks off of planning, you are so far out that you should be able to do that and not jepordize anything. I wouldn't necessarily postpone the wedding- September may seem right around the corner now but I think things should be a little calmer for you by then, and I have no doubt your celebration will help lift other's spirits.
Take care of yourself!
I agree with the others I would give it a few weeks and then you and your mom can focus on wedding stuff. You've got plenty of time to get things done.
I am sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I agree with other posters that you should take a break from wedding planning, you have time yet. After a few weeks then you can reevaluate everything. *HUGS*
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I had a friend whose mother died about 2 months before her wedding. It was a few weeks before her shower. Upon her request, we postponed her shower a few weeks and her wedding went on as scheduled. It's a personal decision of how much time you need to "take a break" from the planning. Certainly even if you waited a month or two, you will not be behind. I think you also pointed to something else: she would not want you to postpone. What you can do as part of your planning right now is to think of a way you can honor her memory at your wedding and then transition back.
I am so sorry for your loss. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you & your fiance.
I am so sorry. I don't even know what else to say but I wish your family lots of strength because it's gonna take a lot. All you really can do is just be there for him.
I'm so terribly sorry - what an unexpected loss. You are most definitely in my thoughts & prayers.
I agree with those who say to hold off for a while on planning. Sept's far enough away still - you have time. You & your FI need to take a breath so that you can cope & heal together & be strong for him and his family. When it feels right to start up again, maybe you guys can start with what you can do to remember his mother at the wedding, how you can still incorporate her and what you guys want to do. We'll all be here for you with ideas when the time comes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else. Take a step back from wedding planning for a while. You still have enough time that it shouldn't effect anything.
Don't make any HUGE decisions while you are grieving (i.e. whether to continue with the wedding plans or not). You and your FI will be in my thoughts.
I am so very sorry that your family has lost such an important person. I agree with the other posters to postpone planning for a few weeks. Speaking from personal experience, the time leading up to the funeral and the few weeks after are a time filled with shock and emotion. It's very difficult to make clear decisions or even see what the correct decision is. In a few weeks, the haze will lift, and you will be able to make the right decisions for your wedding and your family.
Ladies, thank you so much for your kind words. It really does help. You all are right, I need to completely not even try to think about the wedding for at least a month. It is just so hard to think about. For example, I was working on addressing our save the dates when we got the call. Then we had to rush out of town to travel to my fiance's family. It's going to be so hard to go back and see those cheerful postcards that say "Carrie and Ken are getting married!" in the face of this terrible, tragic loss. He and I can't make any decisions about whether or not to continue on with our wedding until we have some time to recover and heal. Please send your best thoughts and wishes to my fiance, the love of my life......his heart is broken.
I am so terribly sorry, I seriously have tears in my eyes reading your post. You and your FI will most certainly be in my thoughts and prayers tonight. The only advice I can offer is to just take it one day at a time. *hugs*
If your heart isn't in it, the planning is going to be difficult and not something you or your fiance will want to be doing for a decent period of time. I think farming the work with all the vendors out to a wedding planner might be a good idea for you. You'll have the peace of mind to know that it's all getting done and you will be able to deal with all of the emotional issues that come with such a loss.
Carrie, I am so sorry that you and your fiance are having to go through this horrible, horrible experience at a time that is supposed to be so exciting and fun. My best friend had a somewhat similar experience. She had to move up her wedding almost 8 months because her mother's cancer took a turn for the worse. It was so tough to watch the struggle between wanting to be happy and being incredibly depressed and sad. Her mother passed away just a few weeks after the wedding. This was almost 3 years ago and I will be honest, it is still tough on everyone. Regardless of what you two decide, know that it is ok to enjoy the happiness of the event. Losing a close loved one really helps you understand that you need to celebrate and enjoy every moment, and they are all special. So when you do get married, give yourselves permission to enjoy it. It will honor life, honor love, and honor his mother. My deepest condolonces to you and your fiance!
I'm so sorry. What tragic news. There aren't any words to make this easier. Just time.
I agree with Mouse. Take some time off, be there for your fiance and his family. And yourself.
(((carrie asb & FI and FI's family))))))
I lost my dad at 29 so I understand how it is to lose a parent when there's so much ahead you want to share with them. I agree w/Mrs. Mouse in that its best to step back, take some time and let him grieve. It takes some space to do that also so listen and just be there for him and his family.
Right now I'm losing my grandma, who practically raised me and my sis. It's a long goodbye. Not exactly easy and it hurt me so bad b/c they put her on hospice shortly after we were engaged. I myself, had to take a few weeks to just lay off most of the wedding stuff, but am back now and doing better. I've found an amazing way to honor her already and am going to keep her memory alive always.
Time helps gain good perspective. Give him some time. And mostly just listen and encourage him to let it out and cry. I'll keep them all in my prayers.
I am so sorry that you and your Fiance are going through this. **HUGS**
As many have said, just take some time to be with your FI and his family. Put the save the dates away for a little while (in a drawer, the closet, etc.) It will take a while, but you will get through the tragedy.
When you do start planning again, you can always include a memorial to her in the ceremony, put a white rose on the chair she would sit in, etc. Also, just as a thought- Things Remembered sells cuff links that are actually hold a picture in it. You can always put a picture of his mom in the cuff link so that he can have her with him on your day. I know that it is a long off, but just a thought. My FI's mom died when he was 15, and it is still hard for him after 19 years. I am doing the cuff link idea as well for my FI.
If you need anything, just let us know. We are here for you and your FI.
Sorry for your loss.
I think that this is something you really need to sit down with your fiance and talk about. If it just happened give him a week or two then start the talk. Figure out whether he's sure he doesnt want to change the date, then begin planning again.
Hi everyone, since you were all so supportive and kind to give me some advice, I thought I would give you a little update. Now that we've had a bit of time since the loss of my FMIL and the shock and immediate pain have worn off a bit, we have decided, after some thought, to continue with our wedding plans as scheduled.
We decided this for several reasons. First, over and over and over this week, so many of my FMIL's friends and relatives mentioned how incredibly excited she had been for our wedding, and how much they still looked forward to attending. This confirmed for us that she really would not want us to cancel our plans. We also think that it will be good and healing for my fiance that, in time, he will have something to look forward to with joy and anticipation. Wedding planning, overall, has been a very joyful and happy time for us, and after a few more weeks to recuperate, I think that I can resume our plans, eventually with his help as well.
I just want to thank you again for your words of comfort. It really was helpful to hear.
I'm so sorry. I think you guys have made a great decision to carry on with the planning. You know it's what she would want! Lots of love for both families at this time.
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Hi, hive. I am so sad to have to write this post, but I could really use some advice.
My fiance's mother passed away very unexpectedly. She was relatively young (just turned 60 a month ago), and experienced a very sudden, massive heart attack. It is an unbelievable tragedy; my fiance is devastated and heartbroken beyond words. I never imagined that I would support him through losing his mother at 26 years old.
But more practically, I'm wondering how I am supposed to move on with planning our wedding--it's in September 2010. I just can't imagine how we can move on and continue with the fluffy little stuff like talking to florists and finding a make-up artist in the face of this loss. It all seems so stupid and pointless now--my fiance's mother will not see us get married. I can't believe it.
I don't think we want to postpone the wedding, and I don't think she would want us to, either. But I don't know what to do. I'm just so sad. I have been having so much fun planning our wedding, and we have all been incredibly excited for the day. No matter what, it will never be the day that we imagined it would be now.
Do you have any words of advice? Any suggestions?