Post # 1
so I know that being pregnant isn’t the same as just gaining weight, but I can’t help feeling like I’m getting… fat.
My lower belly has always been rounded and a bit of a pooch, and a source of some insecurity for me. (except for a glorious year in 2000 after a got a parasite in Guatemala, did a parasite cleanse upon my return, and continued to go to raves and take e and dance for hours and hours straight… ah, 110 and size 5 raver pants. Lol!!)
anyway, my partner is wonderful and says I look amazing and no matter what will always think I’m beautiful and be attracted to me… which is great, but I want to feel good about myself too!
I recently saw my SIL only 7 weeks post birth, and you wouldn’t even know she’d been pregnant! not that I asked her to lift her shirt or anything, so she could have stretch marks I don’t know about, but she seriously has lost all the baby weight. So I know it’s possible.
I guess I’m nervous because I was already 10 lbs over my “ideal” weight to being with. I tried SO HARD for almost 2 years to lose it, but to no avail. Something about being happy and carrying a few extra lbs, hey?
ok I’m babbling now, but I thought I’d put this out there since I know I’m not the only one who is battling these negative thoughts and feelings- even thought we should be excited and glowing that the miracle of life is happening within us.
maybe in another month or more when I have an actual bump then I’ll feel better about it… right now it’s just like I’ve got a serious ponch going on! (I’m 10.5 weeks right now)
Post # 3
You definitely aren’t alone there! I’ve gained almost 20lbs (currently 23weeks) and I have a big pregnancy belly to show for it, but my thighs have also gotten bigger 🙁 I don’t mind my shirts not fitting anymore, but not being able to wear some of my old underwear and pajamas really bothers me. I’m really hoping to be one of those people who just bounces right back after pregnancy! Before I got pregnant, I wanted to lose about 10-15lbs (I was 122lbs and 5′ tall for an idea) so when I look at the scale now it just blows my mind!
Post # 4
I think it’s a real challenge to have your body change so drastically so quickly! Hopping a scale and seeing weights you never imagined yourself at doesn’t help at all! I am also finding my big butt and thighs to be the part that I am currently most self-conscious about, but I have good days and bad. I think I try to encourage myself with two things – first, that it’s a temporary condition (even if I have it for a long long time) and second,that it’s much better to look like a cute, chubby pregnant person who is putting on the weight that baby needs than a stick with a belly who looks like she is depriving her baby of nutrients. But it is tough to deal with some days!
Post # 5
@mtnhoney: Aw….don’t feel so bad, a lot of women have similar feelings! The best part is though, that *right now* is the hardest part. See, what happens is that at the beginning of pregnancy you gain some weight, everything starts to fit tight (or not fit at all) and you gain in your middle but don’t have an apparent “bump”. It’s the “chubby” phase that comes before the than the “look at my cute bump” phase. I think a lot of women start to feel differently once you’re clearly pregnant rather than a little chubbier than you used to be.
And in spite of all that, it can still be hard to deal with the feelings and the weight gain when so many of us are so focused on the numbers our whole adult life! The best thing you can do is to eat a very healthy diet, lots of protein and whole foods, and know that if you eat healthfully you will gain a healthy weight without much “extra”. In pregnancy you only need 300 extra calories in the second and third trimesters, although you also need to take into account your hunger (true hunger, not cravings) and eat more if you need to.
Post # 6
I feel you! I think that no matter where you start out weight-wise, it sucks to put on a pooch without a visible baby underneath. All of my friends who’ve had kids, though, say it’s a definite phase that will end once you start properly showing. Take heart! You’ll show soon enough with a lovely baby bump, and all the extra poochiness will be worth it. (saying this as much for myself as for you!)
@MsKeee: Please do be mindful that some women just don’t show much, and comments like yours that deride thinner pregnant women can be really hurtful. Saying that it’s better to be chubby with a cute bump than looking like a stick depriving her baby of nutrients is passing a serious and unfair judgment call. How would it sound to you if the tables were reversed? Do you also think it’s also okay to deride larger pergnant women’s bodies under the assumption that they are too are abusing their unborn children by eating a bad diet? I doubt it.
Genetically, chances are that I might not show much. My mother didn’t, and neither did my Grandmother. We’re all around the 6’0 mark and none of us has a bmi over 18.5. My mom had people saying horrible things when she was small and pregnant because people assumed she was thin on purpose. Truth was, she was eating all the time trying to bulk up because she desperately wanted a cute, round bump. So please don’t say things like that, because you’ll personably end up hurting someone’s feelings.
Post # 7
@mtnhoney: I hear ya!! I felt the same way as you do when i was earlier on. That I would be so fat and just a big blob with my pregnancy. I was also overweight pre pg, bmi of 26.2, so was never happy and comfy in my own skin. But you know what? it’s quite incredible to be pg and for me those insecurities are going away. I’m now at 21w and it’s just so amazing to see the belly grow and the changes that comes with it so I’m actually feeling good about my body for once in years, my body is doing an amazing thing! It’s creating life! Cherish that more than anything else I’d say. I also feel I swear that my hair is for once full, my skin looks good and it seems to be from the hormones and prenatal vitamins. I know all this is easier said than done but hang in there. You will feel better! I do Recommend strongly that if you were over your ideal weight to begin with that you don’t gain that much weight with your pregnancy. I’m sticking to max weight gain of 25lbs and have gained nearly 7 of that. It’s so important to eat as well as you can, nutritious meals, veggies, water. Are you having ms? That could make it difficult of course! And another advice, if you’re not feeling good in your current clothes go get some maternity stuff or at least a belly band. Walking around in tight clothes for me seemed to make me feel very self conscious and fat really.
Post # 8
@mtnhoney: I completely understand how you’re feeling. Thankfully I have a wife like yours who is super vocal about how beautiful I am and how amazing what I am doing is. I had worked really hard/ was stressed and lost about 15 (maybe even 20 by the big day I- I stopped weighing myself) for our wedding. But it’s almost all come back (I’ve recently found out I have hypothyroidism which makes keeping weight off really hard if you’re not aware of the situation and managing it) Plus I was pretty adamant about not doing out regular insanity workouts during each of our tww. (crazy but I didn’t want to jostle anything!) now Im starting to feel horrible about myself and all the bloat (which I’m super prone to on a regular day) and I’m already comparing myself to those cute pregnant people who are all belly. I’ve starting working out much more regularly. And eating better – and soon (thank goodness) I’ll be meeting with an endocrinologist to figure out managing my thyroid. But no matter what I just can’t help worry that I’m going up be a whale – and that I won’t lose it easily. I’m terrified. And I hate that I feel what way when I’m also sooooo excited for all of this I couldnt be more thankful for my wife and her support. But it’s still my body and I’m scared of the changes. I just want a little, obviously pregnant bump already! I know I’d feel better. sorry for the rant! I know I don’t have any useful tips – you just said exactly how I was feeling so I they the need to chime in 😉
Post # 9
Great timing with this post! Yesterday I had a meltdown over gaining weight. When I asked my husband if he’d noticed me gaining weight in my stomach, he (bless his male heart) said, “No, but your butt and thighs are definitely looking bigger!” I’m almost nine weeks, but I think I’ve already gained three pounds between the bloating and all the carbs I’m eating to combat my omnipresent nausea.
To make matters worse, I also lost a whole bunch of weight and have then gained a lot of it back. My projected weight gain with the pregnancy should put me right back up there above my heighest weight. I’m very happy about the pregnancy, but when I think about gaining all this weight, I just want to cry. I’m so, so scared that I won’t be able to lose it again. Plus, when I’m feeling so nauseous and exhausted, the last thing I want to think about is exercise or eating healthy. I get fatigued just from grocery shopping and anything except bread makes me want to puke at this point.
Sorry for all the self-pity. It’s just nice to know other people are dealing with this kind of thing too!
Post # 10
@cdncinnamongirl: Yes i agree! once I have an actual bump I think I’ll be able to let these nagging feelings go more easily.
@UK Bride: Funny, I’d think that someone tall and skinny would show more, in a way. Besides, you’re having twins- you’ll be huge, eventually! Lol! I mean that in the nicest way of course.
@cjfs: thanks for your insight. I’m happy to hear you are feeling confident and happy in your body BECAUSE of the pregnancy, not DESPITE of it. so wonderful.
@MissKabers: yes, we are lucky to have fabulous partners, aren’t we? In my situation, I suppose even though I try not to compare, she’s very slim and athletic- she’s a personal trainer! and even with her help I couldn’t lose the extra 10 lbs I put on during our first year of living together. Oh well, she loves my curves, and at least I already have my trainer for my post-pregnancy workouts! haha…
@JuneKallah: yep, I’m with you. So many carbs! I go for a walk and then come back and take a nap! We have to remember that HEALTH isn’t measured by a number on the scale, so even though it will be nerve-wracking to see the scale go up, we are giving our bodies to create another life! and there’s no reason why we can’t lose most of the weight within a few months of the birth. Especially if we breastfeed and get out for walks with other Moms and babies! 🙂
Post # 11
well, atm i am 30 wks and have nearly had 2 panick attacks in the last 2 days, which is not at all me!
My whole body has changed so much! its not just the getting chubbier that im getting used to, but everything else included.
I think that lots of women have issues with their bodys regardless of size and shape. I have been trying to keep the weight gain to a minimal, (not dieting, but still exercising and eating healthy and not giving in to every craving), but lately its getting harder..
For me ive found everyhting hard to get used to. The stretch marks (which atm i dont really have a whole heap, but it still makes me sad), the dark MASSIVE nipples, boobs getting so big that i still have to wear a normal bra which can be so uncomfortable, and just dont even take a mirror and look down there.. erghhhhhh… it has changed so much!! sorry about the TMI… but dont look its not worth it..
at the end of the day i keep teling myself, every woman who has children would be going through something simialar.. i have 10 or so weeks left.. and i can get through it… ergh..
Post # 12
I am doing my best to just do what is best for baby. Walking a lot helps me feel more like myself. My birth educator gained 50 pounds in each of her pregnancies and she still delivered unmedicated and natural and is a little tiny petite size 0. I just was told I was gaining too much weight and I went home and cried, then this week I counted calories as the doctor suggested and it has been really stressful. She also told me to cut the carbs. I am not sure I am going to listen to everything she said- I am going to strike a balance. My whole body has changed and I am trying to see it as “what my body needs to do for baby.” It can be hard though, right? I am 25 weeks and just got stretch marks- but not just on my belly- on my butt and thighs. I just try to remember than it is all part of it and that I have the rest of my life to “diet” or whatever I need to do!
PS -OP, you will feel better once you have more of a visible baby bump, don’t worry and have in there darling 🙂 I know at first it felt like I looked like I just ate too many donuts.
Post # 13
Right now my biggest thing is that I worked really hard to lose 30 pounds before my wedding and I’ve kept the pounds off but was working really hard to lose 30 more before I got pregnant but that didn’t happen and I don’t want to gain back what I just worked really hard to lose!
i’m hoping to do some prenatal yoga and eat better so that even if I do gain back the weight it’ll hopefully not stay long after the baby. Still hard for me to get over that thought though.
We’ll get through it! Yay!!!
Post # 14
@mtnhoney: A definite bump made me feel MAJORLY better! Also, I know some people find maternity clothes majorly depressing, but it made me feel so much better to go pick out a few things that fit me well and were flattering. Stuffing myself into my old wardrobe where I felt like a busted can of biscuits did me no good 🙂
Getting comfortable with the pregnancy weight is a process, but I feel much more in control by knowing I’m eating and working out the best I can for both me AND baby. It is so hard for me to let go of the number and focus on how I feel instead! We will get through this!
Post # 15
@mtnhoney: Big big hugs to you! 🙁 Aw hunny I’m so sorry you feel that way. I can totally understand. This is my first pregnancy and I’m a little over halfway through. I’ve gained over 20 lbs even with morning sickness all the time. I stopped looking at the scale at the dr’s and don’t own one at home. I just tell the nurse to let me know if I’m healthy and that’s good enough for me. I completely understand though! I had my first genuine breakdown over weight last night. I’ve never been thin but have worked hard all my life to stay a size 6-8. Now that nothing fits anymore my brain is so used to blaming myself for the weight gain- I didn’t work out enough, I’ve ben eating too much- etc. That thought process I’ve always had- until now. Now it doesn’t seem to matter what I’m doing right, I’m still gaining at a frightening rate and feel fatter than I have ever been in my life. 🙁
Some thoughts that help me and have helped me since I started out gaining.
-You’re pregnant- big can be beautiful. Big is healthy. Big means your body is simply doing its job to prepare for your coming baby!
-Your silhouette is for two now! Not one. That extra weight means you are carrying something incredible in you- another human being! That bump is your baby and contains something SO much nicer and wonderful than fat.
Also, be sure to take some time to yourself. It always helps me to put on some makeup and re-do my hair. Maybe a new do or cut will help you feel better about yourself. Experiment with new eye shadow or nail polish, do something that makes you feel pretty.
Also- throw out the ideal weight gain total. Not every woman gains 25-30 lbs or whatever is ‘normal’ by health standards. Beyonce recently said in an interview she gained 57 lbs I believe with her daughter and look at her just over a year later at the Superbowl! Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re gaining over the ‘norm’ as long as you’re healthy that’s all that matters. I know I felt majorly better once I let go of this ideal as my goal weight. There really is no ideal weight in pregnancy, it all depends on the person and the baby and whether or not it’s multiples or even a larger boy vs. a smaller baby girl. (I’m carrying a big boy!)
Hope this helps! You are NOT alone. I’m still dealing with this more than ever and I’ve been telling myself for months it’s not fat- it’s pregnancy. Hopefully that message will sink in before I give birth! lol health= beauty in pregnancy. not necessarily how thin you’re able to stay.
Post # 16
@ellebeerob: “a busted can of biscuits”…. LOL!!!! oh yeah, I’ll be getting some maternity clothes, fo sho.
@SimplyChic11: January I was unemployed, and spent many a day on the couch, feeling sick and tired. Not fun. No mojo. Now that my contracts have picked back up, and conveniently my pregnancy sickness is subsiding, I’m feeling a lot better about myself. I have a purpose! I can dress up a bit for the office if I want to, or wear jeans and a sweater, I’m lucky to have that choice. and good point on not focusing on an “ideal” pregnancy weight gain!! thank you.