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I'm so sorry you're going through this. Have you spoken with a therapist about your pregnancy-related depression? If you aren't, I would strongly encourage it... especially given that you know you have a history w/ depression.
Feeling miserable and sick can take a major mental toll on anyone, and adding that to all of the crazy raging pregnancy hormones makes it all seem so overwhelming. You're definitely not alone. I was so miserable through my first trimester, and then when the nausea didn't let up at 12-13 weeks I felt even worse as I started to wonder how I could possibly make it through the rest of my pregnancy. Things did slowly start to get better, but it took until mid-pregnancy for me to start feeling moderately ok.
@skibobrown: Thanks for the input - no I haven't spoken to anyone about it... maybe it's a good thing to bring up at my next appointment. I'm just pretty sure there's nothing that can really be done, but I suppose it can't hurt to ask. It really does help to hear others' stories though, and knowing I'm not alone, so thank you again.
@PandasWifey: From about 16 weeks to 22 weeks, I was feeling pretty depressed. I mentioned it to my OB and also contacted my work's Employee Assistance Program. Through the EAP, I got 3 free therapist sessions. I went to the first one 3 weeks ago, and my follow-up session is this Friday.
I shared these tips that she gave me after the first session, maybe they'll help you too? The main difference is I wasn't also fighting the migraines, but maybe the tips can help with the other symptoms.
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/tips-for-the-pre-baby-blues
Hope this helps and if you want to chat more, feel free to PM me. I also had thoughts about not being able to go through another pregnancy and told DH that right now I need to not think about future babies and need to focus on surviving this one.
I, too, have struggled with pregnancy related depression. My husband was actually the first one to recognize it, even before I did. I've found that I don't like to talk to many people about it (other than my husband or my closest friend) because I've found that so many people expect pregnant women to be happy and enjoying every moment of their pregnancy. I have also had a difficult pregnancy. I've always been the type of girl to say "I want FIVE kids!" and now at this point I can't imagine ever being pregnant again. It's just been so much worse than I ever expected. My husband has said in the past that he does not want an only child, and I've actually made the comment to him "This baby might really end up being an only child." I think it's jumping the gun.. Obviously I don't know how I will feel a couple years down the road and I'm sure I'll probably get to the point where I want another child enough to put myself through this all over again. I just can't imagine doing it right now! I'm really worried about post-partum depression because I've heard that if you suffer from pregnancy depression your risk of post-partum depression goes up tremendously. I think it's worth mentioning to your doctor at your next appointment. Even if there's nothing they can do right now medically, they will at least be looking out for severe post-partum in the weeks and months after your baby is born. Good luck with everything, you're not alone!
I am so sorry you are going through this. But you can do something. I know medication is not ideal, but in some cases it is necessary and if used properly, very safe. I have a friend with severe anxiety made worst by pregnancy and post partum. She used medication throughout her pregnancy (although reduced prior to birth) and still uses it even though she is breastfeeding. She knew that the best thing she could do for her baby is to healthy, both physically and mentally.
Check out this web site to give you the latest research on Pregnancy and Depression:
http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/specialty-clinics/psychiatric-disorders-during-pregnancy/
http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/posts/category/blog/blog-topics/pregnancy/
How about trying Light Therapy?
Maybe have your doc check you VitD levels
http://www.womensmentalhealth.org/posts/depression-in-women-is-there-a-role-for-vitamin-d/
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14 weeks preggo today, and find myself exceedingly depressed. I've suffered with depression in the past, but not at all in last 5 years before becoming pregnant. I posted previously about what a difficult pregnancy I've been having, and it's now the second trimester and I'm suffering from a whole new set of problems.
The migraines continue to be bad and I have to take the fioricet my Dr. prescribed daily. I feel guilty and depressed about that (I feel like a bad mom and worry if I'm hurting my baby in some way), but it's my only option besides being in an unbearable amount of pain. Even still my head usually hurts every night before bed but I tolerate it and just try to go to bed earlier each night.
I have a whole slew of strange pains in my stomach. It usually starts hurting a little before dinner time, then the pain gets worse and worse as I try to eat. I can't even enjoy a meal and the pain can be extremely intense.
My face is broken out like mad, I have a cold sore and a yeast infection on top of it. I still have little to no energy and being depressed about my state only makes that worse. I have no interest in going out or being social. I've already gained 10lbs, which is way more than I probably should have this early on and I've never been this heavy in my life. I miss my coping mechanism (wine), red meat and sushi. But most of all I miss not being miserable and in pain constantly.
26 more weeks of this seems unbearable. I asked my DH the other day if he would be okay with only having one child, and he goes "oh in a little while you'll forget how bad this all was" so I guess that's a no, but I really don't think I can do this again. It's enough praying extra hard every night that this one comes out healthy in spite of me :(