Pregnant and confused

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@CarmelaE:  Almost everybody has that “one person”. It’s harder with pregnancy hormones coursing through your veins, but really you just have to learn to tune it out. It’s your baby, not hers. Let her ramble and do what you feel is right for you.

Post # 4
7030 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CarmelaE:  I don’t know which side of the debate you and your sister are on, but you should definitely get your child immunised. The science in favour is overwheming.

In general though, if your SIL is being difficult, stop visiting. If this is your husband’s sister, talk to him about helping you to shut her down, i.e. if you say, “I don’t want to talk about it”, make sure he knows he has to back you up.

Post # 5
1262 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Mount Hermon

@paula1248:  I totally agree.

PP has it right.  If your SIL is aguing that the kid should be immunized, than sorry, she’s right.  Outside of that, tell her to f*ck off and blame your temper on the hormone imbalance.

Post # 6
1457 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve run across my fair share of “overly eager advice givers” too. Unfortunately, it seems like just being pregnant makes one a target for unwanted advice from EVERYONE some days! You just have to take it with a grain of salt (easier said than done). It seems so many people think they are experts when it comes to all things childbirth/Childcare related. But in truth, there are thousands of ways to parent. It is up to you and your husband to decide what works best for you.

if she continues to push about things, I’d just say, “Thanks for the advice. My husband and I have already discussed this with our physician/each other/etc., and we’ll make our own informed decision when the time comes.” Leave it at that. Don’t tell her how you plan on doing things so she won’t have anything to argue about and politely change the subject.

BTW, you are definitely not alone!! Best of luck!!

Post # 7
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I feel you. I am only at the start and I”m already tired of hearing everyone’s know it all advice. I am actually trying to get up the courage to tell my mom to stop sharing every single birth experience she’s ever had because it’s not helping and it’s actually very TMI…but it’s not just her, everyone seems to think they know everything. I know I don’t know half as much as I should yet, but I am a nurse and not completley naive about these things, yet I know I”m no expert…. but I am so tired of the unsolicited advice and know it all attidudes. 

Hang in there! I just do the polite nod…the same way you politley nod when an elderly person makes a racist comment. hehe

Post # 8
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have an older lady I work with who I get along well usually. Lately she has been driving me crazy. She always tries to give me advice. She has never had children and says she’s glad she didn’t have any. I had a scare a few weeks ago where I was bleeding and it was bright red. I was crying as I packed up to go to the doctors. She told me I was overreacting since bleeding is completely normal during pregnancy and I was hurting the baby by stressing out. since my doctor wanted me in for an ultrasound immediately, i think I wasn’t overreacting. She has also told me several things about how I shouldn’t be tired anymore since I am already 13weeks (hah, ya right), that I wasn’t eating enough (while I had morning sickness), and that I will start loosing control of my bladder soon. Thanks, but I would rather hear from people who have been through this or no one at all. 

Anyways, this is something that is pretty common. As soon as you announce you are pregnant, there are those people who think they have the right to comment on your life.

Post # 9
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@CarmelaE:  it sounds like she’s trying to help you do what’s best for your baby by encouraging you to breastfeed and immunize.

Post # 10
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsMath:  oh god, people told me the same thing “its the second trimester so you should be feeling fine” *suspicious glance that shows they think im faking/complaining for attention*. and the losing control of the bladder tihng – peopel say it in a weirdly gleeful way. like their pregnancy sucks so theyre kind of glad mine could too hahaa

when pregnant – everyone has an opinion. whether its you picking up a cup of coffee or that you should breastfeed till the child is 5. you just  need to listen politely, and then say you have discussed it with your doctor/husband and made your decision. or listen politely then walk away

Post # 11
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Ninteenthchance:  +1. I encourage you to do some reading on your own on the benefits of breast-feeding and vaccines.

Post # 12
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@CarmelaE:  Of course you’re not alone!! that’s why it’s such a cliche that pregnant women and new Moms get OVERLOADED with unsolicited advice.

Just the other day my wife was told by one of her clients that we were crazy to think we could sleep with our newborn in a bassinet by the bed. “Oh no! babies are too noisy, you won’t get any sleep. Put them in their own room”

uh, no thanks. We’re co-sleeping in the beginning so I dont’ have to get out of bed and walk down the hall 5 times a night to nurse, thank you for your unwelcome advice.

Post # 13
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Well, she’s not wrong about the breast feeding and immunizations (if you are capable of breastfeeding and the child can get immunized), so I can’t fault her for that advice. 


If she’s being to pushy you may just have to tell her that she’s coming on too strong and that she needs to tone it down; that she’s stressing you out and that, obviously, a bunch of stress is not good for you. That may work. 




Post # 14
2189 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Oh we all have those people. They will follow you forever, if it’s not her it’ll be someone else. There is SO much parent judging, SOOO MUCH. Just ignore it. Almost all moms have their own ideas on what is the “right” way to do things, some are just aholes about it.

I had a friend that literally Gasped when I said I wasn’t going to let my son CO sleep until he was 5. Gasped in horror, like really?

Post # 15
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2005

Lol, yes I remember this.  It can be a combination of too much offered advice as well as your hormones are going wackadoo crazy.  Honestly the best thing to do is to take her aside and tell you that while you appreciate the advice, you are going to raise your child your way and would like it if she kept her opinions to herself.  If you hold that in you are likely to explode and cause a situation that may not easily be fixed later on down the road.  *hugs* to you!! 

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