Pregnant and kind of lonely :-(

posted 2 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
1507 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

AnonymousCupcake:  I felt this way when I was pregnant too.  Especially towards the end when it was more difficult for me to do anything.  It was winter, and I felt so seperated from my friends when I couldn’t go out with them all the time.  I still feel that sometimes with a newborn, but now at 10 weeks pp, I am starting to feel better, and I am able to get out more often with the baby.  Do you have any friends with children?  I have found that to be really helpful.

Post # 4
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AnonymousCupcake:  Before you were pregnant were all your interactions with your friends cengtered on drinking? If so, chances are they think you wouldn’t enjoy those activities now, even if you wojud be happy with non alcoholic beverages. If you still want to go out with them, take the initative to plan an evening and invite them.

What activities did you share with them other than drinking? Sports,shopping,  concerts, movies, trying new restaurants? Phone them up and plan something.


Post # 6
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My friend felt this way when she got pregnant. My FI and I are homebodies so we came over all the time to just hang out and watch tv, movies, etc., but her single friends just didn’t know what to do with her now that she would get tired or sick or couldn’t drink with them anymore. I wish I could tell you that changed, but if anything, it just got worse after the baby was born.

My best suggestion would be to hold events at your own home, if you feel you can entertain in it. That way you can control the environment a bit. I don’t really know your friends, so I don’t know what else to tell you.

Post # 7
2546 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

As difficult as it can be, try being direct. Like “hey, you wanna watch the game at my house tomorrow?? I can’t drink but I’m still as fun as I always was!” or something along those lines?

Post # 9
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

AnonymousCupcake:  It’s tough to be the first at something.  You could be dealing with friends that are nowhere near ready to have kids or friends that are trying to get pregnant but can’t and seeing you pregnant is upsetting.  Who knows?  This is probably the biggest issue you are facing.  Nobody knows how to handle the one married couple with a baby on the way.  And honestly, my friends that got married and had children in their early 20s broke off from the rest of us that weren’t married and didn’t have kids.  As much as I like kids, when I was in my 20s I really didn’t want to hang out with people my age who had kids because that just wasn’t where I was at that point in my life.

We have some friends having their first baby (and it’s one of the first baby’s in our group of friends) and they go out of their way to maintain the same social calendar they used to have before they got pregnant.  They still go to weekly volleyball games (though she just cheers now) and go out for Sunday Funday.  I can tell it will be tougher for them to keep up after they have the baby but they are making an effort.

Post # 10
3268 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

That is weird, and it sucks, that all your friends are basically ignoring you. I’m not pregnant and don’t plan to be for a while, but I’ve experienced something like this when I first was with my now-fiance. It’s like a big life change like becoming committed to a relationship or getting pregnant totally changes how people see you, and they think you’re no longer interested in spending time with them because you’re in a different life stage than they are. . . I worry about this for when I’m married since all my friends are not yet to that stage of life. Two of them are in committed relationships, one of which is probably going to become an engagement in the next year or so, so they at least understand how that is. 

Have you reached out to friends you haven’t seen in a while (other than the one who blew you off on this vacation after you tried to get her to see you)? If you’ve been focusing on home and family stuff, maybe your friends are feeling like you no longer are interested in them? I don’t know if this is at all the case since you didn’t mention how much you have tried to spend time with them. 

I can definitely see that getting pregnant would be a major social-life stopper if much of your socializing was going out to bars or clubs or having parties where drinking was an important component of the evening. Do you think this is why?

Maybe it’s time to start meeting people who’re in a similar life stage; that way you’ll have at least a couple things in common to start with. 🙂 Or maybe all it’ll take is a little extra effort on your and your friends’ parts to find things you can all still do together. And tell them that babies and pregnancy are still not your only interests– if you are close enough, I’d even go so far as to tell them that’s not all your life is about and you still want to hang out! 

And then of course there is the Bee. 🙂 I hope you find some solution to this– not being able to spend time with friends is kind of sad and miserable. 

Post # 11
83 posts
Worker bee

AnonymousCupcake:  I’m experiencing this now! I’m 20 weeks and the first to have a child (and most of my friends, although married, don’t even think they want kids). Some friends think they are looking out for me by not inviting so I hit them up more with a certain event or thing to do in mind so they know I’m still the same girl. I went to a dualing piano bar w my friends last week which was cool because the focus was more on the cool show AND they could drink, but it wasn’t so wierd that I wasn’t. I also invite my friends to meet up for brunch/lunch/dinner (Prego’s gotta eat!) and festivals and concerts. You and both know pregnancy doesn’t stop us but some people get SO wierd. It also depends on the age group. We’re early 30s.

I plan on starting a prenatal yoga class and some other local mommy groups to hang with people after the baby comes, maybe you can see what is in your area? Good luck!

Post # 12
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have another suggestion for you, obviously work on your friendships, but you can always make new friends who are in the same point in life as you. Try seeing if there is a mothers group in your town/city where you can meet other mommies to be. 🙂

Post # 13
783 posts
Busy bee

AnonymousCupcake:  Sometimes people just need a gentle reminder that you are just pregnant, not infirmed or a completely different person than you were before you got pregnant. Freak them out and invite your friends out to a bar. Order a frozen virgin dacquari and remind them that you’re still you! Sometimes people make the wrong assumption and seem to think that all pregnant women are tired, uncomfortable, baby-on-brain-only walking cliches, and that is NOT true. You can do pretty much anything you used to do and can certainly talk about so many things other than your birth plan. Maybe they just need that reminder. It is true that sometimes it get harder to maintain contact with friends when you are at a different stage of life than they are, but that doesn’t mean they have to slip away to nothing.

Post # 15
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I feel this way when wedding planning but it’s my fault.  Everyone thinks I’m too busy for fun when I need it more than ever.  When my friends are pregnant they honestly are nesting a lot and don’t want to see me as much.  After a while I stop asking.  Reminding them is important or organizing things that you invite them to is even better.

When I get lonely aka grumpy aka stressed and need friend things I get FI to plan something for the girls.  He jumps on it because he knows my cranky pants tend to get put away after I get some girl time in so maybe that’s an option if you’re really down. 

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