Post # 1
I just found out I have a preganant BM… Im really not upset about having a pregnant BM but I am having a DW and to help the BM’s out financially I bought all of their dresses! So i told her were probably going to have to look into getting a new dress for her! When i said that she said of course just let me know when you have it! Yeah, not sure how to have this conversation but I already paid for one dress for her, i dont plan on paying for another! How should i approach this? Also she has been sort of distant lately and im kind of concerned if she will actually make the trip… I can just hear it now Im pregnant and the doctor does’nt think i should travel! I dont know if i should just look for a replacment now, which i have one in mind but i dont want to hurt her feelings! Please help!
Post # 3
Don’t replace her until she bows out herself. Asking her to step down will only cause hurt feelings. I don’t know why on earth she would expect you to shell out for a second dress. Gently explain to her that you are not in a position to do so. She will either step down as a bridesmaid, or step up and pay for it herself. She may already be looking for an excuse to back out, but isn’t doing so in order to avoid hurting your feelings. The added expense of another dress may be just the excuse she needs. Either way, let her make the decision.
On another note, depending on the style of dress you have chosen, the designer may have the option of adding panels to the dress to increase the size to fit her. For my first wedding, my cousin was 6 mths pregnant when we went shopping for bridesmaids dresses. We had no idea what size she would be post-pregnancy. The size of dress she ordered was way too small in the end. For an additional $100, the store ordered two dress panels, and added them to the dress to make it fit her. Just another option to look into if needed.
Post # 4
I would probably just ask her if she will still be able to make the trip… many airlines have restrictions on how far into a pregnancy they will allow travel. I had to step down as a BM in a friend’s overseas wedding (boo hiss) because it is not highly recommended to travel internationally during the third trimester.
If she will still be allowed to travel, see if the dress can be altered- they can add a panel, change it to an empire waist, remove the zipper and replace it with a corset back… etc…
If she can NOT travel, I do NOT suggest you replace her. It will make the replacement feel like, well, a replacement, and it also hints that you find your friend replaceable. Don’t worry about even sides, these are human beings not props for wedding photos, and an experience photographer will be able to arrange people in such a way that it won’t look silly.
Post # 5
@tonysbabyg: About the dress, just say the following: “We have a bit of a budget and can’t buy a second dress. I’m sorry, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to pick that up on your own.”
About the trip, just ask her right now if she knows that she will be able to travel then. If so, keep her. If not, ask for her permission to find a replacement.
Post # 6
About her: How far along will she be at your wedding? If she’s 6-7 months, she might be able to make it just fine. Of course, complications can crop up that might make it impossible to travel, but that could be the case for anybody. I wouldn’t mention anything to her about stepping down unless she’s due within a month or so of your wedding.
About the dress: Can you return it & get your money back? Or send it back & exchange it for a larger size? If the only option os to buy another dres, then I’d just tell her the deal. It’ll be an awkward convo since it’s about money, but she’ll understand.
Post # 7
@tonysbabyg: As for the dress, if for some reason she makes the assumption you will be paying for the second one I would just politely tell her that it’s not in the budget. She should understand.
As for the travel issue, I see you live in DC (I live in Hampton Roads, VA) and Florida, while a long drive, is do-able as a car ride. Obviously flying is much faster but if for some reason she can’t fly I would suggest that she drive. If she refuses to do this, then you will obviously have to replace her. Just make sure you talk about all this now so there aren’t any surprises closer to the wedding.
FYI, I just found out my MOH is pregnant (definitely not planned!) and I’m actually kind of upset. Selfish, I know but now she can’t really participate in any activities like the bachelorette party unless I postpone that until after her due date. And I honestly don’t want a 2 month old baby at the wedding. And I’m worried about the dress situation too. Oh well, life isn’t perfect I suppose :
Post # 8
Thanks all! I agree i wont replace her as she might feel leftout and i know her being pregnant she’ll probably be more emotional! She was a little upset too as the pregnancy was not expected, She’ll be 7months pregnant at the time of the wedding. I am also having a destination bacherolette party in Miami that she had to bail on for obvious reasons. I did offer to drive her down as i would already be driving, but not sure how much she will be able to help as it will be May in FL and i cant imagine how irritable it will be to be running around with me getting last minute things done while she is 7 months pregnant! I will have to have a talk with her about the dress, its a convertible dress and looks great even when you’re pregnant but its far to short with a baby bump so she definately needs to get the long version. I just was afraid of coming off too insensitive about her buying her own dress, not like im placing blame on her i just dont see how its my resposibilty to cover the cost of two dresses. And nope they aren’t returnable 🙁
Post # 9
@tonysbabyg: Something similar happened to me last week. BM (bff since grade 3) told me she can’t come to the wedding because she is pregnant. She still expects the dress though – wtf!! I told her no and replaced her.
Post # 10
@tonysbabyg: It nice of you to offer to buy one dress. You certainly don’t need to offer to buy two dresses! Just be nice about it, and let her know she will be paying for the second dress. Its fair enough. 🙂