Post # 1
One of my best friends just let me know she was pregnant, and would be over 8 months at our wedding. She let me know she understands if I want to replace her. I don’t want to replace her, I just don’t want to put pressure on her to be in the wedding. I know it’s expensive — and pregancies are unpredictable– but I’m sad! Anyone have experience with pregnant bridesmaids? Is it better to take the pressure off, and just have them attend as a guest? If she’s able to attend the wedding, then I’ll take lots of pictures with her? What to do? Thanks!
Post # 3
if you want her in your wedding party, let her stay in the wedding party. you chose her for a reason.
Post # 4
I’d leave it up to her. Let her know that you hope she can still be a bridesmaid, but understand if she can’t given the pregnancy. If she decides to remain a bridesmaid (which it sounds like she will) then go for it! It’s possible she may have to bail at the last minute, but that shouldn’t be too big of a deal as long as she’s not making a speech or anything. Doesn’t need to be a problem!
Post # 5
@Jrose34: I was in your shoes! Only it wasn’t just a BM… it was my MOH! My big sister! She was due 4 days before our wedding. We ordered a dress from Target that complimented the BM dresses. I still listed her in the program, and we said that on the day of the wedding she would decide if she wanted to/could attend. If she decided against it, she would just return the dress to target.
She ended up having her baby a week before the wedding so she was there afterall. She didn’t walk down the aisle though, but I was thrilled to have her in all the pictures!
Post # 6
The only problem with me is that she’s out of state- so will need to prepare to fly! She said the wedding is the cut-off for when she could fly (4-5 weeks prior to the due date). I don’t want her to feel pressured to make the trip! But I’m sad at the thought of her not being there! Thanks for all the advice!
Post # 7
@Jrose34: one of my BMs will be 7 months pregnant at our wedding. When she first found out she told me she didn’t want to be in the wedding bc she thought I wouldn’t want a super pregnant BM. When I talked to her later and she told me that I let her know that 7 months pregnant or not I would love to have her by my side but that it was up to her and I would understand either way. she decided she still wanted to stay in the bridal party and I sent her the color of the dresses and told her to pick a dress she would be comfortable in.
Post # 8
I would just ask her how she feels about it and put the ball in her court. My friend was 8 months pregnant in her cousin’s wedding and she did say it was rough. She was huge and her feet hurt too much to dance.
Post # 9
If the cut off to fly is your wedding date, how would she fly back? I woukd leave it up to her. If she wants to risk not fitting into a dress, possibly not being able to come and risk the flight… Then thats up to her. express that of course her pregnancy does not change your mind, but ask her how she feels. let her know, that it’s ok if she cannot come, or be in the bridal party.
Post # 10
I would suggest putting the decision in her hands. Since she’ll be over 8 months I think it’s likely that she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid. Things are just too unpredictable at that stage. She may need to be off her feet, etc.
My (only) BM was pregnant, but only 6 months so it was no problem.
Post # 11
you cant replace her. she is your friend and as long as she is comfortable then she should stay. she might not be able to participate in all of the bachelorette festivities but thats not really what the wedding is about, so I would keep her. If the time comes when shes just not up for it then she can let you know. whats the worst that can happen? your bridesmaids and groomsmen dont match up? no biggie.
Post # 12
@Jrose34: ugh my sister is trying to get pregnant right now and my wedding is in 8.5 months.
Post # 13
@Jrose34: I agree with several other posters who said you should still invite her to be in your wedding—after all, the reasons why you asked her have not changed. However, be ready to excuse her from her BM duties or even from attending the wedding as a guest (as this imposes the same flight issues) and be aware that she may back out (by choice or due to nature!) at any time between now and your actual wedding day.
A really close friend of mine was pregnant when I was planning my wedding; she was due almost a month before my wedding date. I asked her to stand as a BM but let her know that there was no pressure either way. She thought about it but eventually decided not to given that she wasn’t sure what size dress she would need…how she would be feeling…if she would be able to drive the 3 hrs to the wedding, etc. There were no hard feelings involved and both of us totally understood the other.
Post # 14
@Washingtonian: Now I have to admit that would really aggravate me! I normally don’t have issues with pregnant bridesmaids (I know some brides/bridezillas who have had issues with them lol!) but I think your case is an exception. It’s not like she was already pregnant and then the wedding was planned. You have actually set your wedding date and she pretty much is trying to have the baby right around the time of your wedding. This still wouldn’t be a huge issue (it would be an issue, but a milder one) but she is your sister, making it a huge issue. What if she has the baby the week of your wedding, or on the day of the wedding? She could be pregnant now and not know it, or she could end up having her baby early. That would put your parents in a tricky spot (wedding versus hospital), put you in a tricky spot (honeymoon versus hospital) and of course take your sis out of your wedding. Sorry, not trying to make you more anxious or add fuel to the fire, just stating all possibilities and saying that I understand your frustration.
Plus, it brings about other (smaller but still important) concerns, like dress fittings. It is difficult to know what size to order for a BM when she may get pregnant or already be pregnant. Even if she went with an empire-waisted dress, there is no guarantee it would still fit as the bust could be too small, ribcage too tight, etc. And why would she want to be pregnant at your wedding? She may not want to be on her feet too much/dance too much. And I am surprised that she doesn’t care about the photos. I loved how I looked pregnant and I hope that other women feel the same way; however, if I had to pick how I wanted to look in a family photo that would be around for years to come, I would pick my non-pregnant body.
Why can’t your sis just wait another month or two and then try to get pregnant? This time should be a special one for you and come your wedding week, there should be no big events that will take attention away from you and your hubby.
Post # 15
[content moderated for name-calling]
In case you are not, I don’t think it is reasonable to expect people to schedule their procreation around someone else’s wedding. People can try for months without anything happening, they may have had previous miscarriages and are eager to try again, they may have unknown fertility issues, or they may feel that their clock is ticking. Trying for a baby is an unpredictable, and often emotionally fraught process – and therefore something that, for most people, takes precedence over everything else in their, or in their families’ lives.
Post # 16
@blushingbelle: really? I would never expect someone to time one of the most imporant things in their life around one day in mine.