Post # 1
My bridesmaid is now 9 months pregnant! She looks and feels fantastic, and we’ve made adjustments to her dress so she’ll be able to fit into it regardless of what state she’ll be in post baby.
However, my wedding is a month away, and I’m concerned about whether she can bring a 3-4 week old new born to the wedding. She’s going to defer to her pediatrician’s opinion.
Mothers, what can I do to reduce her stress?
I’ve told her that if she can’t make it, I understand, but if she can make any part of it, I’ll be really happy. It’s a local wedding (about 20 minutes away), and I’ve given her the timeline (so she can pick if she wants to come for just pictures, just ceremony, etc). I’ve talked to the caterers about preparing to-go bags to give her and her husband. I’ve told her that if she comes, I’m not going to be upset if her baby cries during the ceremony, or if she needs to tend to the baby at any point (heck, comfort her during my vows, she’s more important!!). Basically, I’m trying to help her by being as flexible as possible.
I’d really like her there, but I understand that the health and well being of her child trumps my one day.
Mothers, would you bring a 3-4 week old to a wedding? Is there anything I can do to make this day easier for her? Is there anything I forgot?
Post # 2
You sound super sweet for being such a good and accommodating friend. I haven’t had my baby yet, but I do think it’s very likely that especially if she’s had a healthy pregnancy and normal birth, attending a wedding 20 minutes awayis a very likely possibility…for at least some of it. Of course it all depends on how the next several weeks go…but most likely she should be able to be there!
I think you’ve covered everything I can think of that may make this easier on her, assuming that your venue has bathroom facilities conveniently located. Best wishes and congrats on your wedding in advance!
ETA: We’re planning on bringing our roughly-2-month-old baby to a wedding across the country assuming all goes well and we’re capable of doing so at the time. My doctor has no issue with our plan. There’s a big difference in that extra time between 4 weeks and 8 but still thought I’d share.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I gotta admit, I held my breath when I saw this topic because I was worried it was going to be another “WHY is my bridemsaid ruining my special day with her huge body?!” bridezilla rant. But you are being so thoughtful! Props to you.
Honestly, a lot of it will probably depend on the kind of baby she has. My friend’s baby was colicky and fussy and SCREAMED for the first two months of life … she had to skip a bunch of family events because it just wasn’t feasible (she was breastfeeding.) Another friend started taking her baby out in public when he was about 10 days old because he was just an “easy” baby and was asleep anytime he was held. Just remember that even if your friend can’t come, she’ll be with you in spirit – maybe send her a text right before you walk down the aisle or something to know you’re thinking of her?
Good luck to your friend and congrats on your wedding!
Post # 4
BeachBride2014: you are an awesome friend and an amazing bride. I think you’ve covered everything and I don’t see any reason why the baby can’t come at least through dinner.
You’ve done everything you can, now it’s wait and see 🙂
Post # 5
kate02121: Thank you! That does make me feel a lot better. Obviously every baby is different, but it makes me feel better that it is feasible for her to make it. She’s a wonderful friend and will be a fanastic mother. Good luck with your baby! I hope your pregnancy continues to go smoothly .
rachel85: My bridesmaid was so scared I’d have that reaction when she told me! People can be nuts about their weddings! I picked these women to stand because of how important they are to me, not to have as props. And what? Do I expect her to put her life plan on hold for a year because of my wedding?
I love her, so I’m likely going to fall in love with her baby the moment I see her, and would love to have both of them there for my wedding!
And if it’s not feasible for them to come, I love the text idea to let her still feel like a part of my day! Thank you!
MsGinkgo: Thank you! This thread has helped a lot with my own stress
Post # 6
BeachBride2014: A friend was scheduled to be in her brother in law’s wedding as a bridesmaid when she was around 9 months pregnant (she was due a week later I think). Of course her DD came the day before the wedding. She didn’t stand but she did attend the ceremony straight from the hospital and brought the baby with her. Also she’s a doctor and knew any risks involved.
Post # 7
BeachBride2014: you’re an amzing friend! As long as the weather is good and I get the A-okay from the doctor I’d be there with bells on. Probably leave early but I’ll be there
Post # 8
BeachBride2014: My friend brought her 4 week old baby to our wedding 🙂 It was only 20 mins away and the whole family attended for the entire day. That was 12.30 for the ceremony right through to the dancing in the evening. I think they went home around 11pm! My friend is a totally laid back and very capable mother…love her. 🙂 We had two very young babies at the wedding, everyone one loved them and they did get passed around a little! Hope everything goes well for you and your BM.
Post # 9
Thank you for replying! Your input has made me feel much better. I’d hate to put her in a position where she wouldn’t feel comfortable, so I’m so happy to hear stories or input from mothers who have done it! Hopefully we’ll have pleasent weather and a nice bouncing baby at the ceremony!
Post # 10
…FINALLY! An amazing friend! LOL There are so many threads about brides who only think about themselves or how their pictures will turn out with a massively pregnant bridesmaid ruining all their shots. I think you’ve done everything you can at this point. High five!
Post # 11
My cousin brought his 2 or 3-week old daughter to my wedding. She slept through most of it. They came around 4:30 and left around 10PM. He never had any issues. Every parent is different but I think a baby that age can definitely come!
Post # 12
BeachBride2014: I’d highly suggest that you not discuss this too much right now (and probably not at all). If she brings it up first, just say things like- we’ll do whatever works best for you. Don’t go into details. I say this partially because recent situations have made me realize that it’s much better to wait until after the baby is born and until it’s much closer to the wedding (maybe a week or so out) to talk about this because nothing is guaranteed and you really never know what will happen or how the mom and baby will be by your big day. Wishing all of you the best.
Post # 13
BeachBride2014: Do you mind giving an update of how the day went? I know it’s unpredictable but still… one of my best friends and bridesmaid is due 2 weeks before my wedding. I have told her that she is able to do whatever she needs to do that day, and that my feelings won’t be hurt if she decides she can’t make it or doesn’t want to be a bridesmaid. I want her to feel comfortable and do what’s best for her and her new little girl. She has said over and over that she wants to be in the wedding still, I just would love to have some tips or ideas on how to make the day as stress-free/easy for hwr as possible.