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Pregnant Bridesmaid! HELP

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
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    1.
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    Blushing bee
    One2-Three4    June 22, 2001  

    My husband and I are TTC and my cousin just got engaged last night. She is planning her wedding for any time between May and July next year (it depends on her fiance's job status) She has already asked me to be MOH. I did not tell her we were TTC because we are trying to keep it a secret. What do I do if she chooses her date and her date clashes with my pregnancy?! I will still be her MOH if I am very preggo but I do not want to be there if my baby is very young. Its a very tricky issue of timing here! I could not even be expecting by then (who knows - TTC can take a long time) and I don't want to say no because I want to be in her wedding! ACK! WHAT TO DO?!

     
    2.
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    kericita    May 12, 2012   Dallas, TX

    I wouldn't bring it up unless you do get pregnant, and then just let her now you are pregnant.  If you wind up having your due date conflict with her wedding or a really young baby at the time of her wedding, I'm sure she would understand you backing out.  No reason to bring up something that might not even happen.

     
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    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    I'd accept the position and do nothing until you even know if there is going to be a conflict.  Now you're just stressing over potentially nothing!

     
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    Helper bee
    SouthernTulip    October 23, 2010   Georgia

    That's a tricky situation, as you said it can take a while to conceive but then again you never know?  Is it at all a possibility to put off trying for a month or so?  That way you might be super preggo and barring any issues with early labor you should be good.

    Either way it will work out the way it's supposed to.

    -Good luck and congrats in advance :)

     
    5.
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    Helper bee
    lilybay    October 2, 2010  

    I'm guessing you must be pretty close to your cousin if she is asking you to be MOH?  I know you want to keep it a secret, but could you have a little chat with her and explain how you did here?  She might be able to help you make a decision.  It might even help her decide on a firm wedding date.

    My MOH was TTC when she agreed to be in my bridal party.  Lo and behold, she got pregnant about four months after I got engaged!  We found her a very forgiving-in-the-belly-area dress at David's Bridal.  She'll be about five months along at the wedding and I think it's going to work out just fine.  I'm happy to have her unborn little one as a "guest" at our wedding.  :)

     
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    Honey bee
    bRooklynRocks      

    @SouthernTulip: Huh? Try to put it off for a month in order to be MOH? Wow.

     
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    Sugar bee
    mandb122    March 6, 2011   Temporarily in Minnesota, From South Carolina, Wedding in Charleston

    Accept the position and deal with figuring things out if you do get pregnant.  I had to deal with this with a bridesmaid when we were having a bridal party.  She was going to be due 2 weeks after my original wedding date.  I told her it was up to her to decide if she felt comfortable enough to be up there and we'd look for a dress for her.  We were just going to play it by ear as the time got closer.

     
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    Mrs.KMM    July 17, 2010   Atlanta, GA (wedding in Indianapolis, IN)

    @bRooklynRocks: I would have NO problem waiting ONE month to TTC.  If I'm close enough to someone to be asked to be their MOH, waiting one month to help ensure I could be there to support them at their wedding would be a complete non-issue!

    It's not like SouthernTulip was suggesting to wait until after the wedding or anything ....

     
    9.
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    Helper bee
    FallFlowers      

    Is she a flexible person?  If so, I would not say a thing until you're actually pregnant.  I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor and shortly after she she accepted she found out she was pregnant with her third.  She was 8 months pregnant at the wedding but it worked out great!  Since we knew early on that she would be pregnant, I let her choose her own bridesmaid dress in the color of my choice.  The only hitch was that she had to ask the best man to help straighten my train.  She was afraid to do it herself for fear of toppling over! Smile  It was no big deal!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    flamingred    June 19, 2010  

    I would carry on normally until you are pregnant. Then maybe ask to share MOH duties with another BM.

     
    11.
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    Blushing bee
    Miss Bubbles    February 3, 2010  

    I'd also stick it out until you know for sure you are pregnant, and your due date. If you are not currently pregnant and your cousin happens to be getting married in early May, if things go to schedule with your pregnancy, you may still be pregnant when she is married (assuming if you conceive in September your due date will likely be in June) You mentioned you will still be in the wedding if you are very pregnant, so I'd assume this may likely be the case - as opposed to having a 1 or 2 week old. (AGAIN - given you do not give birth early)

    My close friend was married last year and her MOH was very very pregnant. She still did all of her MOH "duties" and it didn't affect anything, the bride certainly didn't mind, and we all loved the extra "guest" standing up there with us!

     
    12.
    2,766 posts
    Sugar bee
    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    agreed that you can just accept and if you happen to get pregnant and it will interfere with your being her MOH then you can let her know - she would understand!!!

     
    13.
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    Buzzing bee
    texasmeredith      

    There is no need to say anything until you have something to say.  At this point she doesn't have an exact wedding date and you aren't pregnant.  Be her MOH and if/when you get pregnant let her know.  My MOH was 4 months pregnant at my wedding.  She just ordered the maternity version of the bridesmaids dress and it was no problem. 

     
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    Gemstone    July 2011   Cincinnati

    Don't worry about it till you know the details. And considering you're close enough to your cousin to be her MOH, she'll understand and be happy for you. It doesn't have to be a problem!

     
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    Bumble bee
    mrstilly    May 15, 2010   Ithaca, NY

    I agree with the previous posters about waiting before saying anything. Unless she is really uptight and particular and you really think it would be a big deal to her, I'd wait.

    I'm in my sister's wedding next May in FL. My sister asked me in a casual conversation if we were TTC and so I told her we were, but we were going to take a hiatus if it didn't happen quickly, so that I'd be able to travel to FL from NY for her wedding. We did get lucky, so now it looks like we'll be flying down with a 5 wk old for the wedding! She wasn't bothered by it. Only for my sister would I alter plans for TTC though.

     
    16.
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    Bee Keeper
    jo.lee    September 10, 2011   Indianapolis

    Once you know her date, I would honestly just tell her. My MOH is TTC, and I appreciate knowing that, so we can look at empire waisted dresses, etc. This way, we'll be prepared regardless. I'm also going to push back buying the dresses until much closer to the wedding.

    If keeping it secret means a lot to you, don't tell her, but if you can trust her to not tell anyone, I would give her a heads up. This way you won't waste money on a dress you can't wear and she can still (hopefully) have you there on her big day.

     

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