Post # 1
My husband and I are TTC and my cousin just got engaged last night. She is planning her wedding for any time between May and July next year (it depends on her fiance’s job status) She has already asked me to be Maid/Matron of Honor. I did not tell her we were TTC because we are trying to keep it a secret. What do I do if she chooses her date and her date clashes with my pregnancy?! I will still be her Maid/Matron of Honor if I am very preggo but I do not want to be there if my baby is very young. Its a very tricky issue of timing here! I could not even be expecting by then (who knows – TTC can take a long time) and I don’t want to say no because I want to be in her wedding! ACK! WHAT TO DO?!
Post # 3
I wouldn’t bring it up unless you do get pregnant, and then just let her now you are pregnant. If you wind up having your due date conflict with her wedding or a really young baby at the time of her wedding, I’m sure she would understand you backing out. No reason to bring up something that might not even happen.
Post # 4
I’d accept the position and do nothing until you even know if there is going to be a conflict. Now you’re just stressing over potentially nothing!
Post # 5
That’s a tricky situation, as you said it can take a while to conceive but then again you never know? Is it at all a possibility to put off trying for a month or so? That way you might be super preggo and barring any issues with early labor you should be good.
Either way it will work out the way it’s supposed to.
-Good luck and congrats in advance 🙂
Post # 6
I’m guessing you must be pretty close to your cousin if she is asking you to be MOH? I know you want to keep it a secret, but could you have a little chat with her and explain how you did here? She might be able to help you make a decision. It might even help her decide on a firm wedding date.
My Maid/Matron of Honor was TTC when she agreed to be in my bridal party. Lo and behold, she got pregnant about four months after I got engaged! We found her a very forgiving-in-the-belly-area dress at David’s Bridal. She’ll be about five months along at the wedding and I think it’s going to work out just fine. I’m happy to have her unborn little one as a “guest” at our wedding. 🙂
Post # 7
@SouthernTulip: Huh? Try to put it off for a month in order to be MOH? Wow.
Post # 8
Accept the position and deal with figuring things out if you do get pregnant. I had to deal with this with a bridesmaid when we were having a bridal party. She was going to be due 2 weeks after my original wedding date. I told her it was up to her to decide if she felt comfortable enough to be up there and we’d look for a dress for her. We were just going to play it by ear as the time got closer.
Post # 9
@bRooklynRocks: I would have NO problem waiting ONE month to TTC. If I’m close enough to someone to be asked to be their Maid/Matron of Honor, waiting one month to help ensure I could be there to support them at their wedding would be a complete non-issue!
It’s not like SouthernTulip was suggesting to wait until after the wedding or anything ….
Post # 10
Is she a flexible person? If so, I would not say a thing until you’re actually pregnant. I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor and shortly after she she accepted she found out she was pregnant with her third. She was 8 months pregnant at the wedding but it worked out great! Since we knew early on that she would be pregnant, I let her choose her own bridesmaid dress in the color of my choice. The only hitch was that she had to ask the best man to help straighten my train. She was afraid to do it herself for fear of toppling over! It was no big deal!
Post # 11
I would carry on normally until you are pregnant. Then maybe ask to share Maid/Matron of Honor duties with another Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 12
I’d also stick it out until you know for sure you are pregnant, and your due date. If you are not currently pregnant and your cousin happens to be getting married in early May, if things go to schedule with your pregnancy, you may still be pregnant when she is married (assuming if you conceive in September your due date will likely be in June) You mentioned you will still be in the wedding if you are very pregnant, so I’d assume this may likely be the case – as opposed to having a 1 or 2 week old. (AGAIN – given you do not give birth early)
My close friend was married last year and her Maid/Matron of Honor was very very pregnant. She still did all of her Maid/Matron of Honor “duties” and it didn’t affect anything, the bride certainly didn’t mind, and we all loved the extra “guest” standing up there with us!
Post # 13
agreed that you can just accept and if you happen to get pregnant and it will interfere with your being her Maid/Matron of Honor then you can let her know – she would understand!!!
Post # 14
There is no need to say anything until you have something to say. At this point she doesn’t have an exact wedding date and you aren’t pregnant. Be her Maid/Matron of Honor and if/when you get pregnant let her know. My Maid/Matron of Honor was 4 months pregnant at my wedding. She just ordered the maternity version of the bridesmaids dress and it was no problem.
Post # 15
Don’t worry about it till you know the details. And considering you’re close enough to your cousin to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, she’ll understand and be happy for you. It doesn’t have to be a problem!
Post # 16
I agree with the previous posters about waiting before saying anything. Unless she is really uptight and particular and you really think it would be a big deal to her, I’d wait.
I’m in my sister’s wedding next May in FL. My sister asked me in a casual conversation if we were TTC and so I told her we were, but we were going to take a hiatus if it didn’t happen quickly, so that I’d be able to travel to FL from NY for her wedding. We did get lucky, so now it looks like we’ll be flying down with a 5 wk old for the wedding! She wasn’t bothered by it. Only for my sister would I alter plans for TTC though.