Post # 1
i don’t want this to come off wrong …
but one of my bridesmaids is trying to get pregnant before the wedding — actually 9 months before the wedding, to utilize our teacher summer break to start raising her child. we work together so i totally understand the time crunch to fit into the most ideal vacation window… but what i don’t understand is how she would want to be 9months pregnant at my wedding!! i was her maid of honor and put my whole life on hold for her: planned with her everyday, threw her a bachelorette party, two showers, and worked my tush off!! i already feel like she hasn’t be enthusiastic about my engagement, often telling me things like "oh, you are so lucky cuz your parents are paying for it … you are going to have it so easy …"
i know i have no place to say anything, since i don’t want to stand in her way of starting a family — i guess my feelings are just hurt.
another one of my bridesmaids is also trying, but i completely understand since she just lost a baby in may. am i insane for caring about pregnant bridesmaids? don’t get me wrong, it’s not that i don’t want them to be fat in the pictures (which my fiance accused me of)
Post # 3
Even if your bridesmaids are pregnant they can still help you out lots! She can still throw you a party, she’ll just have to drink sparkling apple juice instead of sparkling wine. 🙂 I know some women who worked up until 1 week before their due date and didn’t miss a single beat! Sure, picking out dresses will be more of a challenge for your bridesmaids, but there are lots of maternity dresses available out there. Jcrew carries lots of great maternity dresses.
Post # 4
Two of my BMs (one was my MOH) talked about getting pregnant before my wedding. I told them I didn’t care, as long as they knew what was going on before the dresses got ordered, mostly so they wouldn’t have to deal with ginormous alterations. One actually did get preggers, and she looked beautiful. It was something she wanted to do, and even though she had to fly 5,000 miles, has a fear of flying and needed to spend a LOT of money on therapy so she could fly (she couldn’t take drugs b/c of the pregnancy), and had to coordinate a shower and bachelorette party from long distance, she did it all with grace, style and a smile. She also did a great job of keeping all kinds of things organized on the big day. AND, the awesome thing about a pregnant BM: she’s ALWAYS got food around!
I know that you probably feel hurt that she may not be able to pursue her BM duties with as much energy as you did for her, but keep in mind that she might be one of those women that, as Lani said, just keep going and going!
Yes, bridesmaids are there to help make the brides’ lives easier, but I think it’s important to remember that they’re supposed to be our most special friends and loved ones first, who we want around us on that big day, and not just people that we can use as day laborers.
Post # 5
Just about a week ago, my SIL/BM had the (really incredibly wonderful) news that she’s pregnant. My first reaction was that I was ecstatic. My immediate NEXT reaction was to do the math.. she’s due pretty much on my wedding day.
I absolutely know how you feel. I was (and am) very happy for her, but I’m hurt that she (and by extension, my brother) may not even be able to attend the wedding.
I wish I had some good advice, but alas, all I can offer is empathy.
Post # 6
You know, my Maitron of Honor actually asked to be demoted to Personal Attendant because she was planning to be pregnant, about 6 months along about the time of the wedding. This really hurt my feelings but I had to understand. I couldn’t have imagined even with her being that far along she wouldn’t have been willing to plan parties and such.
Have you discussed with her about what if she actually cant’ be there due to being in labor? This would concern me more then her not being phased by standing up in front of people pregnant.
I too wish I could offer so better advice, but no it’s not wrong for you to be upset or hurt by this at all – totally normal feelings!
Post # 7
My matron of honor will probably be pregnant when I get married. I asked her if she’d still want to be an attendant or if she’d prefer to be involved some other way, but she said she’s game for participating if I don’t mind. I told her I’ll put her up front in a big moomoo and let her sit in a chair if it meant she’d be up there with me. : ) That being said, I knew what she was planning to do when I asked her, so I understand being put off or hurt by being surprised by it. It’s tough when those major life events overlap. Don’t feel guilty about being a little sad, but it sounds like you’re keeping it in good perspective, too.
Post # 8
I can understand your disappointment. But I don’t think she’s crazy for wanting to be 9 months pregnant at your wedding. I’m sure it’s not the ideal scenario for her either, but she is trying to plan the baby for the best timing based on her own life, not yours. Unfortunately that has the potential to coincide with your wedding date. It would be very disappointing if it meant that she wasn’t able to be there because she was in labour or had just had a baby and wasn’t up and about yet, and I’m sure she also would feel the disappointment you would feel about it. But I think it would be best to just work through your feelings ahead of time and be understanding. It’s unrealistic to expect anyone but you and your groom to plan a major life event such as having a baby around your wedding day.
Post # 9
My sister was 9 months pregnant around the time of my shower…and she organized the whole thing and was there like a trooper…giant belly and all! I think the women above have said it all when they said that these women are your bridesmaids for a reason…they are your friends and you love them.
Post # 10
I think I’m missing something. Why are you hurt that she’s not rearranging her pregnancy plans for your wedding? You said that you don’t care what she looks like in the pictures, and you understand the timing. So what is it that is upsetting you? I think it’s important that you figure out what it is and if it’s rational before letting emotions run too far.
She must care for you or she wouldn’t have agreed to be a BM. And I’m sure she’s not planning her pregnancy to deliberately interfere (however that might happen) with your wedding. I think it’s easy to lose perspective: your wedding day is very important to you, and I’m sure *you* will be planning a good deal of your life around it for many months. But even to people who care about you most, it’s just one day to celebrate your wedding, and the rest of life goes on normally around it. The worst thing that could happen is losing a friendship over something like this.
Post # 11
thank you for all of your responses. given a day to reflect and after reading your thoughts, i realized that i was venting more than anything else. my post was inspired by a conversation that i had just had with my bridesmaid. basically, she was explaining how ideal it would be to be pregnant during the time of the wedding –i felt hurt because i was comparing all that i did/sacrificed for her and wrongfully equated her choices with her not caring about my wedding.
i feel immature and know that everything will indeed work out. i appreciate your comments!