Post # 1
My fiance and I just found out we are pregnant! Im still very early in the pregnancy but our wedding isnt until May of 13. We just recently reset our wedding date from fall 2012 to spring 2013 because of finances. Our families were pretty disappointed about that. We also have been engaged FOREVER.
We want to get married right away before I start to show any signs of being pregnant. Problem is our whole family thinks we are getting married in spring and we live out of state from our families.
One thing I have going for me is that our families are like “GET MARRIED ALREADY SHEESH!” So we could play off of that and just say we are just gonna get married now.
Can you ladies give any advice on how to send out invitations for a rush wedding? We want to plan to get married in the next 1-2 months at the latest. How do you word an invite like that? I know that most of our family willl not be able to attend because we are out of state and the invite will be short notice. Not to mention they will all be very disappointed. Im just not sure how to word this so no one is suspicious. 🙁
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Im so stressed and these new hormones are not helping.
Post # 3
er..haven’t you posted this already?Just answered it..
Post # 4
First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
This is what I think you should do:
-Cut your list to immediate family and close friends – what about using one of the nice email ones?
-Plan a small, simple ceremony around Christmas, then a nice dinner/celebration immediately after for everyone.
If anyone asks, you can tell them that you just couldn’t bear to wait any longer. Then, if you’re ready, you can announce your pregnancy at the party!
Post # 5
Weddingbee deleted my reply, so I’m going to try this again.
I don’t think there’s any way you can word this to “avoid suspicion”. Most people will suspect once you announce your pregnancy, and everyone will know for sure when the baby is born 6 mths later.
I totally sympathize with your wanting to keep this under wraps, but at this point I think it’s probably better to just own up to it and let everyone know that the timeline has changed due to your happy news.
FWIW, you won’t be the first Catholic girl to walk down the aisle with a bun in the oven. My maternal grandmother was 3mths pregnant when she married my grandfather (in the 1940’s) and the whole extended family had a good laugh when my uncle (the bun that was in the oven) appeard to realize it for the first time while giving their toast… and their FIFTIETH anniversary dinner. 🙂
Post # 6
Thank you for replies and congrats!
Since I dont want anyone to know I think that cutting the list and saying we couldnt wait any longer might work.
I totally forgot to mention the other problem. My grandpa paid for my deposit for the reception venue of my dreams as a gift and I dont know how to tell him I am now going to get married sooner right after I thanked him profusely for the gift of my reception 🙁 UGH it just keeps getting better.
My fiance thinks we should still go back in spring for the reception and invite our huge family and all of our friends as a celebration since most wont be able to attend. Is this a good idea? I mean, would it be odd to get married then come back like 7-8 months later for a reception?
Post # 7
@MissNoodles: HAHA that is too cute. Yes, i dont think any of our family would ever shame or disown us. We just personally dont want to be preggo before we are married and would like to keep it hush if possible. I have a feeling it may not be avoided but I want to try haha. Ugh.
Post # 8
@rachelwbee: I vote that you guys elope immediately. Give your parents a heads up (perhaps even invite them?) then head over to City Hall ASAP. Like, next week. Then have the reception you are planning in the spring to celebrate with friends and family. MissNoodles is right – most people will figure it out (or highly suspect), but if getting married before you start showing is your priority, I think this would be your best option.
Post # 9
AHHH, I forgot the most important part: CONGRATS!!!
Post # 10
Thank you everyone, Im starting to feel a little better. I want to be excited, but I am having a hard time coping with my wedding plans being flipped upside down 🙁 But it is a joyous thing.
Post # 11
CONGRATULATIONS first of all!!!!
I am with @swarlesk: on this one! If you are wanting to rush it because you don’t want to show, then eloping is the way to go. May I ask why you don’t want to wait? Is it because you worry about what people will think? Well I think if you do something small within the next 2-3 months you will still show, and people will know that you were having sex before marriage if suddenly you’re pregnant after the wedding and you deliver 4-5 months later because I’m assuming you’re at least 4-6 weeks now. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would continue with my plans, (especially since grandpa made the deposit on my dream venue) and have the baby when he/she is due. But then again, I don’t know your family dynamics. Just something to think about.
Post # 12
When (roughly) are you due?
If you’re going to be delivering around May, then I think it doesn’t make sense to try to keep the wedding at that time. Things would be too unpredictable.
Maybe think about having the wedding soon, then announcing the pregnancy, and keeping the venue for a delayed reception that might be combined with a baby shower/baptism celebration of some sort?
Post # 13
@rachelwbee: First of all, congratulations and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy.
We just personally dont want to be preggo before we are married
Seeing as you are pregnant, and not married…..it looks like that ship has sailed. Unless you get married STAT – like in the couple weeks (not months) it will becoming quite obvious to everyone who can count that you were pregnant before the wedding. So I would so do what works best for you and not worry about what others think. You are certainly not the first or last religious bride to be pregnant before the wedding – and many more were having sex and just didn’t get pregnant.
If fall is now better, get married now. If spring will work without being too close to a due date/dealing with a newborn, do that. I’d probably try to do what I could to not lose your grandfather’s deposit though.
Post # 14
I also agree with @swarlesk: ‘s idea. Go to the city hall ASAP, have a small celebration with your immediate family and close friends!
I think it would be completely fine to have a reception later after the baby is born. I actually have friends that did this very same thing – and it was beautiful.
Post # 15
I’m pretty sure if you get married now then announce your pregnancy people will “get it”. You’re a grown adult, not need to try and hide the obvious from people. They can do the math from the due date back to the wedding date. Quite frankly, I don’t see the big rush to get married (other than for practical reason for the baby – aka health insurance, etc.) just because you’re pregnant and don’t want your family to know. You have obviously been having premarital sex so what’s really the big deal?! Not judging at all – I’m pro pre-marital sex, etc, etc, etc. I just don’t think you should do something to try and hide it from family. Be confident in the decisions you have made for yourself.
We just personally dont want to be preggo before we are married and would like to keep it hush if possible
I don’t get this at all – you ARE pregnant before being married. Getting married tomorrow won’t change that fact? Not saying you shouldn’t, but if what you really want is the big dream wedding, just wait and go for it. My friend got engaged in Feb and found out in July she was prego. She moved her date back 2 months so she would be 6 months post-partum at her wedding.
Post # 16
It will be really hard to get married in a Catholic ceremony rushed like that. Canon Law requires notice to be given to the Parish at least 6 months in advance and most parishes require a full year advance notice. My advice would be to rush and get married civilly in the next couple of months and then, after the baby is born, get the marriage blessed by the church.