(Closed) Pregnant, dont want family to know before married…..

posted 6 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
1064 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

er..haven’t you posted this already?Just answered it..

Post # 4
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013


This is what I think you should do:

-Cut your list to immediate family and close friends – what about using one of the nice email ones?

-Plan a small, simple ceremony around Christmas, then a nice dinner/celebration immediately after for everyone.

If anyone asks, you can tell them that you just couldn’t bear to wait any longer. Then, if you’re ready, you can announce your pregnancy at the party! 

Post # 5
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Weddingbee deleted my reply, so I’m going to try this again.

I don’t think there’s any way you can word this to “avoid suspicion”.  Most people will suspect once you announce your pregnancy, and everyone will know for sure when the baby is born 6 mths later.

I totally sympathize with your wanting to keep this under wraps, but at this point I think it’s probably better to just own up to it and let everyone know that the timeline has changed due to your happy news.

FWIW, you won’t be the first Catholic girl to walk down the aisle with a bun in the oven.  My maternal grandmother was 3mths pregnant when she married my grandfather (in the 1940’s) and the whole extended family had a good laugh when my uncle (the bun that was in the oven) appeard to realize it for the first time while giving their toast… and their FIFTIETH anniversary dinner. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rachelwbee:  I vote that you guys elope immediately. Give your parents a heads up (perhaps even invite them?) then head over to City Hall ASAP. Like, next week. Then have the reception you are planning in the spring to celebrate with friends and family. MissNoodles is right – most people will figure it out (or highly suspect), but if getting married before you start showing is your priority, I think this would be your best option.

Post # 9
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

AHHH, I forgot the most important part: CONGRATS!!!

Post # 11
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

CONGRATULATIONS first of all!!!!

I am with @swarlesk: on this one! If you are wanting to rush it because you don’t want to show, then eloping is the way to go. May I ask why you don’t want to wait? Is it because you worry about what people will think? Well I think if you do something small within the next 2-3 months you will still show, and people will know that you were having sex before marriage if suddenly you’re pregnant after the wedding and you deliver 4-5 months later because I’m assuming you’re at least 4-6 weeks now. Personally, if I were in your shoes, I would continue with my plans, (especially since grandpa made the deposit on my dream venue) and have the baby when he/she is due. But then again, I don’t know your family dynamics. Just something to think about.


Post # 12
3697 posts
Sugar bee

When (roughly) are you due?

If you’re going to be delivering around May, then I think it doesn’t make sense to try to keep the wedding at that time. Things would be too unpredictable.

Maybe think about having the wedding soon, then announcing the pregnancy, and keeping the venue for a delayed reception that might be combined with a baby shower/baptism celebration of some sort?

Post # 13
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@rachelwbee:  First of all, congratulations and best wishes for a healthy pregnancy. 

We just personally dont want to be preggo before we are married 

Seeing as you are pregnant, and not married…..it looks like that ship has sailed. Unless you get married STAT – like in the couple weeks (not months) it will becoming quite obvious to everyone who can count that you were pregnant before the wedding. So I would so do what works best for you and not worry about what others think. You are certainly not the first or last religious bride to be pregnant before the wedding – and many more were having sex and just didn’t get pregnant.

If fall is now better, get married now. If spring will work without being too close to a due date/dealing with a newborn, do that. I’d probably try to do what I could to not lose your grandfather’s deposit though. 

Post # 14
2023 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


I also agree with @swarlesk: ‘s idea.  Go to the city hall ASAP, have a small celebration with your immediate family and close friends!

I think it would be completely fine to have a reception later after the baby is born.  I actually have friends that did this very same thing – and it was beautiful. 

Post # 15
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


I’m pretty sure if you get married now then announce your pregnancy people will “get it”.  You’re a grown adult, not need to try and hide the obvious from people. They can do the math from the due date back to the wedding date.  Quite frankly, I don’t see the big rush to get married (other than for practical reason for the baby – aka health insurance, etc.) just because you’re pregnant and don’t want your family to know. You have obviously been having premarital sex so what’s really the big deal?!  Not judging at all – I’m pro pre-marital sex, etc, etc, etc. I just don’t think you should do something to try and hide it from family. Be confident in the decisions you have made for yourself.

We just personally dont want to be preggo before we are married and would like to keep it hush if possible

I don’t get this at all – you ARE pregnant before being married.  Getting married tomorrow won’t change that fact? Not saying you shouldn’t, but if what you really want is the big dream wedding, just wait and go for it. My friend got engaged in Feb and found out in July she was prego. She moved her date back 2 months so she would be 6 months post-partum at her wedding.

Post # 16
643 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It will be really hard to get married in a Catholic ceremony rushed like that. Canon Law requires notice to be given to the Parish at least 6 months in advance and most parishes require a full year advance notice. My advice would be to rush and get married civilly in the next couple of months and then, after the baby is born, get the marriage blessed by the church.

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