(Closed) pregnant friend upset about not being invited out

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

i don’t understand why you don’t just invite her. she’s an adult…she can go out and not drink. i would be kind of pissed if i was her that you’re not even extending an invitation.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should just continue to invite her to all these things.

You can give her a heads up and say, “We’re mainly going to get drunk” or “There will be a lot of people smoking” but invite her and give her the option to say no.

Who knows, maybe she needed a late night bar bitch fest (even if she were only drinking seltzer).

Post # 5
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

If she feels excluded but you don’t want to exclude her, then just invite her and leave it up to her to turn down the invitation. Maybe she’s reacting to her fear that she’ll lose you all when the baby is born, and she’s not clearly seeing that poker night + cigarettes = not somewhere she wants to be, anyway. Give her the choice and maybe she’ll calm down.

Post # 6
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@kitzy: Agreed.  You need to extend the invitation at least.  And she can either come and not drink, or she can decline based on the environment, but really that should be left up to her.  You are excluding her, and that sucks 🙁  I have to imagine her feelings are really hurt even though I know you did not intentionally do it to hurt her.

Post # 6
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@busterbluth:

As a pregnant girl – I would be upset also. Go ahead & invite her to things & let her be the one to decide if she thinks it is apporpriate for her. She is probably going through enough changes & hormones that the thought of losing her friends because she is pregnant is very upsetting! Still include her….if she does come & starts to be “debbie downer” then have that conversation but at least giver her a chance!

Post # 7
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you should be inviting her and let her make the choice if she wants to go or not go.  She can still hang out at the bar with you guys and not drink.  Don’t decide for her what is appropriate or not.  She’s capable of deciding for herself.

Post # 8
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@busterbluth: Honestly, I don’t see where she is asking you to stop doing what you’ve been doing. She is asking that you give her the option of saying no, and not just exclude her b/c you don’t think she needs to participate. She is old enough (I assume) to decide which activities are appropriate for her. Are you excluding her b/c you truly think the activities are inappropriate for her, or are you excluding her b/c you feel like you would have to curb certain behavior if she were there?

Post # 9
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

INVITE HER FROM NOW ON!!! Not only is she now hormone cassarole (thank you Grey’s for that reference), but now she feels like her friends are leaving her out. Of course you did it with the best intentions, but if she doesn’t realize that, she’s probably feeling very left out. Invite her to things…she can go if she wants, stay home if she doesn’t. And probably let her know that you haven’t been leaving her out because you don’t want her around, just because you were concerned about being insensitive to her new needs.

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I hate to say it but I do lean towards your friend’s side a little bit. I would hate to be left out..and even if I wasn’t planning on going, I would still like to have the choice. I’d like to feel included and feel like my friends still care to invite me to this stuff. Maybe from now on you could call her up and say ” listen, we’re going drinking and we’d like to invite you out, but completely understand if you’re not feeling up to it since it wouldn’t be that fun for you.  In the end though, even if your friend can’t drink, she should still have the option of hanging out with her girls and watch them make fools of themselves haha.

I have never been pregnant so I don’t speak from personal experience, but I would hate not to have the choice. It would hurt my feelings for sure. How do you move on from here? Maybe a quick apology..tell her that from now on , obviously she’s welcome to come to whatever.. that you’ll include her in invites but obviously won’t be offended if she doesn’t come.

 

 

Post # 12
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@busterbluth: For the poker night thing, maybe she just wanted the option to decline? Maybe she’s worried she’ll get cut off the list and won’t be re-invited after she has her baby.

Until she does try to ask you not to smoke/change your behavior, don’t assume she’s going to.

Post # 13
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the crowd.  Just let her know the breakdown:  we’re going to be smoking indoors but you’re welcome to come.  We’re going to a crowded bar to drink but if you want to dance come along.  That way at least she has the option. 

Post # 14
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Agree with the others – even if she should not/cannot attend, extending the invite is just respecting her as a friend.  Then she knows what everyone’s up to instead of being out of the loop, even if she has to decline.  I would be hurt if I were your friend in this scenario.  There’s no reason for you to make decisions for her. 

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