Weddingbee boards

Just wondering if anyone's did all three in the same year?

We just bought our first house, will be married soon and originally hoping for a honeymoon baby. But I'm wondering if we'll be TTC too soon. Only very recently have I felt comfortbale enough to "feel at home". We still need a ton of furniture but after some rearranging, and a little shopping, what we have will do for now.

Before we bought our home, I was planning for this and felt ready for a baby. But now I'm wondering if we should just wait a little bit longer until we finish furnishing the house. We'll be able to manage regardless but with all the big household expenses (replacing the chimney, painting the exterior next year, etc.) coupled with the wedding expenses, and not to mention emptying our accounts for the 20%+ deposit, I'm wondering if it's sane to TRY for a baby this year.

Did you get pregnant, buy a house, and get married all in the same year? How did you manage? Do you recommend it? Wish you waited a little longer before trying? Or if you got pregnant first, do you wish you waited to buy a house?

I was playing with a pregnancy calculator last night and if we "get lucky" and have our honeymoon baby, then I'll have a drastically different summer than the one I've been planning with my Mom. Fi (then hubby) would have to paint the house alone and our roadtrip to the north of Sweden would have to be postponed inevitably (we were planning to go as a mini-moon this summer, but we got the house and moved in instead).

I know everything I'm saying isn't even important in comparison, and the chances are extremely slim to conceive so quickly, but the realization that everything would be happening so quickly is finally here for me. I was so excited to start TTC a few months ago, now I'm wondering if it's better to wait. But I'm turning 33 this year, I can't wait long.

Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I'm in a somewhat similar situation - American living overseas and I just turned 33 last month.  I moved into our house while then-FI was working in Africa for a few months back in November 09, he came home in February 10, we got married in April and we're thinking about the baby situation too.  While I do think it's a lot to manage in a short time, it's not impossible.  I am of the mind that we 'try' for a baby sooner rather than later so that we can know for sure if we're going to have any trouble or if there are any problems we don't know about.  We're taking the approach that we're ready, we're not preventing and we'll see what happens!

What does FI think?

We are! Not necessarily intentionally, but it's just how it worked out. We were married in May, found out we were expecting mid July, and closed on our house early August. We'll have a 2.5 month old at our one year anniversary!

We also decided to put off our honeymoon and buy a house. It seemed like a better investment for us right now. We were looking for a house since last fall, but put it on hold until after the wedding. We were under contract before we realized that we were pregnant. We were kind of trying to get pregnant, but not really trying.

It was stressful to move, but on the plus side I got off easy because I was pregnant. I did mostly packing/unpacking, and MIL and DH did the cleaning of our apartment, and DH and his brother did the heavy lifting and moving of furniture. Our house was move in ready, aside from a few small things, which we are doing slowly.

We decided to hold off ripping up the carpet and refinishing the wood floors underneath, as well as hold off painting the entire house. We're going to paint the second bedroom, but we'll do it together and use the low VOC paint so it's safe.

DH and I just wanted to be parents. We enjoy our jobs, but for us life is about family and that meant us starting our own. It is a priority to everything else, including careers and traveling. Our wedding was pretty relaxed, aside from a few stressful times during planning. We bought a house that was well within our means, knowing we'd have the expenses of a baby coming relatively soon. I'm a little nervous about money, but Dh and I are budgeting again and planning ahead, so I'm sure we'll figure it out.

A few things to remember... There is never a perfect time to have a baby. And, many of the things you "need to buy" for a baby, you really don't need. It's a lot of marketing to get people to spend money, and half the stuff you won't use or your baby won't like. And many baby things you can buy second hand in great condition, saving money and the landfills. Babies are definitely expensive, but you don't really need to spend thousands on baby gear.

I think budgeting and figuring out if you can swing it after a big house down payment and wedding costs is the first step. But it is possible. It's a lot to handle in one year, and your life definitely changes quickly, but if it's what you want, it can be awesome.

Pretty much I am doing the 'trifecta' or maybe a quad, if you include getting engaged in Feb.  Bought and moved into our house in July, married and then he moved in October (10th, like you but one year ago) and got pregnant in April. We never even thought or talked seriously about having kids (except maybe NOT to have them) until January when we made our big decision. We had a little minimoon and delayed our Italian honeymoontrip. It was paid for with part of our wedding money and  actually became our conceptionmoon in April. The biggest regret from other friends who conceived right away is that they didn't get the opportunity to travel together and I can understand this desire. I have traveled tons in my life already.  We are fine with our timeline but each situation is unique. We did find out I was pregnant very early on, have a strong support system and faith in place. We were very ready to have this baby and have been doing home preparations ever since we found out. We had to cut out some major stuff like getting the floors done but we can live with that.

Wow! Thank you ladies for sharing your expereinces and timelines! I spoke to Fi about all this yesterday and although he definitely wants children, he's not sure if he's ready right this minute. He says he does think about it at least once a week but he's been distracted by the moving, house projects and repairs. He feels the same way as me - a little bit rushed if we start trying now. But at the same time, there's that added pressure to try (at least for me) because of my age. Fi's 3 years younger. He doesn't want to postpone it a year or longer ... just not immediately. I felt a little bad about it, but at the same time, I know I feel the exact same way.

I'm getting him to read more about fertility and how it decreases with age - since he doesn't seem to be aware of the possible complications and exactly what the odds are for getting pregnant. He promised to think about it more. But half of me is scared he'll want to start right away. The ideal time would be sometime next summer so we can enjoy just a little bit more alone time and settle into our home. But IF there is complications and we have trouble conceiving, then I'd definitely regret waiting.

He did make me smile about that trip to Norrland - said he doesn't care if we couldn't go, we can go in 5-yrs. That he's just happy we found our home and moved in. (He used up a portion of his vacation to move but we still have our wedding and honeymoon this Oct to look forward to.)

@AnamCara We're in a very similar situation: us being the same age and living in a different country, it's not so common and it feels good to know I'm not alone. I feel the exact same way about trying now just in case there'll be complications. But at the same time, I'm a little scared if we succeed so quickly!

@Vitsippa - it's a pretty unique situation to be in, that's true!
I agree with @LittleLynx - it might help you weigh the pros and cons if you had some feedback from your doctor.  I haven't done that yet but I think I will in the next couple months.

I had to educate DH quite a bit about potential fertility issues (and even I don't know that much!).  He's an engineer by training (pilot as his career) and I had to show him actual data so he had a better understanding of what we were facing.  He wanted to be reassuring when we first started talking about it (way before our wedding - even before we were engaged!) so he would say things like 'it won't be a problem' or 'we'll be fine once we start trying' and I had to tell him I appreciated him trying to be reassuring but that it wasn't my theory, it was true!  So he has a better idea of what we're facing now and I took out 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility' from our local library.  I figure the more we know, the better prepared we are instead of guessing about what's going on and how to proceed.  That being said, if we don't conceive in the next few months I'll be pretty disappointed!

I totally understand the 'scary' aspect of it - it will definitely change everything but I'm more scared of the alternative - I know for sure I want to be a mom even though I know I have NO idea what it will mean for us - big change and no going back!  Exciting but definitely scary at the same time!  I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you and us - who knows when but it will be great when the time comes!

It's been a week since I posted this and I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm no longer scared (though I'm I think my birthday had a lot to do with it). It's a little odd: in 1 week, I'm all the sudden sure I'm ready for a baby. Everything is still the same, the house still bare, but I've started a new Swedish langauge program, have met some new friends, and have started a routine.

I feel like I'm ready and told Fi about it. This time, more confident and optimistic! Actually the main reason why Fi and I decided to get married is because we want kids. In fact, in my application for a resident permit, that's all we wrote about because back then, it was all we were certain about - wanting babies. At the time, we weren't sure about marriage, and in Sweden, marriage isn't a requirment for residency.

But I haven't always felt this way (aside from my fear). A long time ago, Fi was the one that originally wanted kids and in the begining I was unsure. But that was years ago. I'm sure now and I've just turned 33 and I'm ready.

Fi hasn't given his official say but just by hearing how sure I was last time I brought it up, he seems more relaxed about it all too. We'll see!

Thank you ladies for taking the time to share with me your stories and words of wisdom!

P.S. I've been off of birth control for years now and started taking vitamins equivalent to pre-natals since last autumn and made sure to get all my dental work done. I'm ready