Pregnant when TTA – how to tell parents?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@squeak:  I would tell them over the phone WHEN you get a BFP. If they are disappointed then they are going to have to live with that inital reaction to their future grandchild for the rest of their life. You guys are perfectly capable of supporting yourselves and doing what you need to do in life. If your parents don’t pay the bills or rent, then can be entitled to their tradions or opinions, but it shouldn’t have any bearing on the decisions YOU make. Good luck and I hope it is a BFP 🙂

Post # 4
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Try not to get ahead of yourself! Cross that bridge if you come to it.

If it does end up being a BFP, and you are excited, allow yourself to be excited when you tell them! There may be an adjustment period for them, but if they aren’t happy for you right away, I’m sure they will get there soon enough. Keep us updated!

Post # 5
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Tell them over the phone. Tell them how excited and happy you are and if they give you crap tell them you are a married adult and can get pregnant if you want. It’s not like you are 14 and living at home.

Post # 6
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would Skype with them or at least call them and speak with them on the phone. Tell them you are pregnant and excited about it (obviously) and act like they have no reason to be disappointed!

Post # 7
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@squeak:  try not to worry until you know. Frequent peeling comes from pressure on your bladder- your baby would only be the size of a poppyseed & unable to exert pressure like that. And sneezing?

in any case, if you’re an adult you make your own decisions. No need to seek anyone’s approval. 

Post # 9
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@squeak:  to be technical, it’s around 10w when your uterus is that large. I am 29w so I have read lots and lots about pregnancy over the past 7 months.

Not trying to argue- if you want to be pregnant, I hope you are. And even if your parents are upset at first- everyone loves a baby! Like pp said- you’re not 14 and living with them.

Post # 11
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

@squeak:  I hope you get the good news you are hoping for! At 7dpo it is unlikely that it has even implanted yet, though, so I wouldn’t base your hopes on “symptoms” this early. Actually, the two months I got pregnant (one miscarriage and my current pregnancy) I had zero symptoms until after my BFP. This time around I took the zero symptoms as being a symptom in and of itself 🙂

 

As for your parents, I would approach it like this: You and your husband are adults, your own family now. You manage your own money, you make your own decisions about your lives. I would not tell them it is a “surprise”, but rather approach it as very happy news that you want to share with the people you love. Is it how they would have done it? No, but it’s YOUR family, and when all is said and done they don’t get to decide if you’re doing it right or wrong.

 

Good luck!

 

ETA: Symptoms are caused by hormones. Early pregnancy symptoms are caused by hCG, which is only in your system after baby has implanted. When there is enough hCG in your system to give you symptoms, there is enough to test positive. The earliest you are likely to test positive is about 9dpo (if you are certain about when you ovulated).

Post # 12
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@missrain:  +10. 

I’m going to leave the “you are or you aren’t / symptom spotting ” conversation entirely out because the PPs have covered that. 

I know you care about what your parents think, to some extent I think we all do. But seriously, they don’t get to decide when, how, or where you expand your family. Unless you’re asking them for money or to live with them, it’s none of their business. They dont’ need to know if it’s a surprise, they just need to know when YOU are ready to tell them. 

I know I for sure will not be telling my family when we get a BFP until at least the 12 week mark – maybe later. My family is really supportive, but also has boundary and controll issues. So I’m probably going to tell my closest girlfriends and tell my family later because I really wouldnt’ want to discuss a miscarriage with them. 

 

Post # 13
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@squeak:  I can totally relate! When I found out I was KU I was pretty worried about how my parents would react. My brother and his wife found out they were pg in June and my mom was exstatic and even cried. When my DH and I told them in August I got the surprised shocked face asking “but weren’t you on BC?” Ugh so annoying! Once the shock wore off my parents did give us both a hug, kiss and said congrats but it was no way close to the reaction my brother and his wife got.  My brother and his wife are more established than us and own a home etc. that is why my parents were happier with finding out they were expecting. I unfortunately miscarried 2 weeks later (at 7 weeks). The few days leading up to the MC my parents were so supportive and constantly checking on me and “the little peanut” as my mom called it. That showed me that although the timing may not have been perfect in their eyes deep down they really did care about this baby. I know next time I get my BFP I won’t be announcing it to anyone until I’m atleast 12 weeks along.

You know your body best so if you feel weird, off … then you may just be! Even if your parents don’t react the way you’d like them to just give them time and remember to remain as positive as possible. I hope you get your BFP 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you are excited I’m sure they will be too. Two weeks before we found out we were pregnant my mom was telling me that we should live our lives as two for awhile more yet… that she felt like we were young (27 haha) and that she feels that we should wait. Two weeks later when I told her she could’t have been more happy. She actually cried. I was nervous, but you just never know! Don’t be too disappointed if they don’t show excitement right away…. it’s how they feel in the long run that really matters. 

Post # 15
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

You’re married with savings in the bank–I think they’ll be thrilled at the coming of a grandchild! How could they not be?

One of my cousins (intentionally) got pregnant recently with her BF. She told her Mom last because she was TERRIFIED of her Mom’s response (and she’s 25 and fully independent…). Her Mom asked if they were getting married, was assured they weren’t, and was THRILLED!

Post # 16
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@squeak:  I wouldn’t stress about it too much until you know, but I really hope you know soon and it’s a BFP. I got my BFP at 8dpo and was already feeling a change in my body, especially my boobs. 

The way I would approach my parents if I were you would be to tell them with joy and happiness just like you would tell anyone else. Happiness is contagious and if they see how happy you are, that should be all that matters. If you go into it being defensive or apologetic, I think it tells them that it is okay to show disappointment. If they do show that they are disappointed, then just let it roll off your back or at least pretend to and I’m sure they will get excited about it once the shock wears off. 

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