Post # 1
I haven’t taken a test yet but I’m 80% sure I’m pregnant. I’m only 7 DPO so I’d prefer to wait a few days before testing but I’m starting to make frequent bath trips, sneeze a lot and get runny nose, and having some other early pg symptoms. We weren’t TTC, we were in fact TTA, but my husband and I are happy either way (we agreed when we started TTA that we would be happy if we did end up being pregnant).
In case I am pregnant, I know his family will be thrilled. However, my parents tend to be much more tied to their principles and have told me that they prefer I don’t start having kids until I own a home and have a lot of money saved up. We currently rent but do have savings, it’s just that we’re both working on our own businesses as well and we’re not quite established yet.
I’m a little freaked out about how to tell them if that test ends up being positive. They’re a few hours away so I would have to tell them virtually but I’m worried that they will end up being disappointed initially (even though I’m sure they’ll be happy in the end.) Should I just send them an e-mail and wait for the initial reaction to wear off until I talk to them? Should I pretend as if they have no reason to be disappointed? (Which I honestly think they don’t – we’re very capable and ready to take care of a child, we were planning on TTC in a year anyway)
Post # 3
@squeak: I would tell them over the phone WHEN you get a BFP. If they are disappointed then they are going to have to live with that inital reaction to their future grandchild for the rest of their life. You guys are perfectly capable of supporting yourselves and doing what you need to do in life. If your parents don’t pay the bills or rent, then can be entitled to their tradions or opinions, but it shouldn’t have any bearing on the decisions YOU make. Good luck and I hope it is a BFP 🙂
Post # 4
Try not to get ahead of yourself! Cross that bridge if you come to it.
If it does end up being a BFP, and you are excited, allow yourself to be excited when you tell them! There may be an adjustment period for them, but if they aren’t happy for you right away, I’m sure they will get there soon enough. Keep us updated!
Post # 5
Tell them over the phone. Tell them how excited and happy you are and if they give you crap tell them you are a married adult and can get pregnant if you want. It’s not like you are 14 and living at home.
Post # 6
I would Skype with them or at least call them and speak with them on the phone. Tell them you are pregnant and excited about it (obviously) and act like they have no reason to be disappointed!
Post # 7
@squeak: try not to worry until you know. Frequent peeling comes from pressure on your bladder- your baby would only be the size of a poppyseed & unable to exert pressure like that. And sneezing?
in any case, if you’re an adult you make your own decisions. No need to seek anyone’s approval.
Post # 8
Thank you, everyone! Reading this definitely helped. I will act as if they have nothing to be disappointed about.
@mamadingdong: frequent peeing is a usual early sign of pregnancy, even when the fetus is tiny your uterus has already stretched to be the size of a grapefruit to accommodate it. Also, sneezing and stuffiness is related to rhinitis of pregnancy which is a something 1 in 5 women have during their pregnancy. It happens because your entire body creates more mucus.
I may or may not be pregnant, but I wanted to be prepared either way 🙂 I will keep you ladies updated, thank you!
Post # 9
@squeak: to be technical, it’s around 10w when your uterus is that large. I am 29w so I have read lots and lots about pregnancy over the past 7 months.
Not trying to argue- if you want to be pregnant, I hope you are. And even if your parents are upset at first- everyone loves a baby! Like pp said- you’re not 14 and living with them.
Post # 10
@mamadingdong: thanks for clarifying that 🙂 I would love to be pregnant. I’m also very sensitive and in tune with my body so I can tell when there are changes going around. I hope I’m right about this one. I’ve also been reading a lot about pregnancy and babies for the past few years 🙂 thank you!
Post # 11
@squeak: I hope you get the good news you are hoping for! At 7dpo it is unlikely that it has even implanted yet, though, so I wouldn’t base your hopes on “symptoms” this early. Actually, the two months I got pregnant (one miscarriage and my current pregnancy) I had zero symptoms until after my BFP. This time around I took the zero symptoms as being a symptom in and of itself 🙂
As for your parents, I would approach it like this: You and your husband are adults, your own family now. You manage your own money, you make your own decisions about your lives. I would not tell them it is a “surprise”, but rather approach it as very happy news that you want to share with the people you love. Is it how they would have done it? No, but it’s YOUR family, and when all is said and done they don’t get to decide if you’re doing it right or wrong.
ETA: Symptoms are caused by hormones. Early pregnancy symptoms are caused by hCG, which is only in your system after baby has implanted. When there is enough hCG in your system to give you symptoms, there is enough to test positive. The earliest you are likely to test positive is about 9dpo (if you are certain about when you ovulated).
Post # 12
I’m going to leave the “you are or you aren’t / symptom spotting ” conversation entirely out because the PPs have covered that.
I know you care about what your parents think, to some extent I think we all do. But seriously, they don’t get to decide when, how, or where you expand your family. Unless you’re asking them for money or to live with them, it’s none of their business. They dont’ need to know if it’s a surprise, they just need to know when YOU are ready to tell them.
I know I for sure will not be telling my family when we get a BFP until at least the 12 week mark – maybe later. My family is really supportive, but also has boundary and controll issues. So I’m probably going to tell my closest girlfriends and tell my family later because I really wouldnt’ want to discuss a miscarriage with them.
Post # 13
@squeak: I can totally relate! When I found out I was KU I was pretty worried about how my parents would react. My brother and his wife found out they were pg in June and my mom was exstatic and even cried. When my DH and I told them in August I got the surprised shocked face asking “but weren’t you on BC?” Ugh so annoying! Once the shock wore off my parents did give us both a hug, kiss and said congrats but it was no way close to the reaction my brother and his wife got. My brother and his wife are more established than us and own a home etc. that is why my parents were happier with finding out they were expecting. I unfortunately miscarried 2 weeks later (at 7 weeks). The few days leading up to the MC my parents were so supportive and constantly checking on me and “the little peanut” as my mom called it. That showed me that although the timing may not have been perfect in their eyes deep down they really did care about this baby. I know next time I get my BFP I won’t be announcing it to anyone until I’m atleast 12 weeks along.
You know your body best so if you feel weird, off … then you may just be! Even if your parents don’t react the way you’d like them to just give them time and remember to remain as positive as possible. I hope you get your BFP 🙂
Post # 14
If you are excited I’m sure they will be too. Two weeks before we found out we were pregnant my mom was telling me that we should live our lives as two for awhile more yet… that she felt like we were young (27 haha) and that she feels that we should wait. Two weeks later when I told her she could’t have been more happy. She actually cried. I was nervous, but you just never know! Don’t be too disappointed if they don’t show excitement right away…. it’s how they feel in the long run that really matters.
Post # 15
You’re married with savings in the bank–I think they’ll be thrilled at the coming of a grandchild! How could they not be?
One of my cousins (intentionally) got pregnant recently with her BF. She told her Mom last because she was TERRIFIED of her Mom’s response (and she’s 25 and fully independent…). Her Mom asked if they were getting married, was assured they weren’t, and was THRILLED!
Post # 16
@squeak: I wouldn’t stress about it too much until you know, but I really hope you know soon and it’s a BFP. I got my BFP at 8dpo and was already feeling a change in my body, especially my boobs.
The way I would approach my parents if I were you would be to tell them with joy and happiness just like you would tell anyone else. Happiness is contagious and if they see how happy you are, that should be all that matters. If you go into it being defensive or apologetic, I think it tells them that it is okay to show disappointment. If they do show that they are disappointed, then just let it roll off your back or at least pretend to and I’m sure they will get excited about it once the shock wears off.