Premarital Counseling?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

FIL is a pastor and married us. He would not do it if we didn’t do premarital counselling, but we thought it would be awkward from him. We went to another pastor that our parents know, but it did not go well at all. In the end FIL did it with us, and it was good. He had us read a book about sex (we were virgins until our wedding night) so that he didn’t have to awkwardly talk about it, and we pretty much just talked about our expectations in a relationship and tthe differences between us. Not much we hadn’t talked about before.

Post # 4
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My fiance’s Uncle is a pastor and is marrying us. He doesn’t require that premarital counseling be done before the wedding, but strongly suggested it would be good. My fiance and I are both religious and agreed that it would be best for us to go through with it, to help make our marriage both a strong one and to get any concerns out in the open and worked out before hand. We are looking forward to premarital counseling! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@katherin788:  

1. Our church requires it because they’d rather point out the warning signs than to counsel you through a divorce and so that both parties are well aware of their roles in a marriage.

2. We required it of ourselves because it brings out things we may not have thought of or heard during the courting process

3. We were both bringing children into this marriage and we don’t want them to see a divorce.

Post # 7
Member
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@katherin788:  Ours was only a few sessions disguised as family dinners, but about 3 months seems to be common.

Post # 9
Member
855 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@katherin788:  Oh, and I forgot. The State takes $60 off the cost of your marriage license if you attend marriage counseling (least important)

Post # 10
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

We haven’t, but are definitely thinking about it.  Not that there’s anything wrong with our relationship or anything like that and we aren’t getting married in a church.  We’ve just been thinking about it to give us a good start as a married couple.  We’d like to teach us how to best and appropriately communicate if we disagree as we don’t want to potentially spend our time fighting about silly things.  We’re both pretty hot-headed.  I heard about a weekend retreat type of counseling that I thought might be interesting because not only are we working on bettering our relationship but we’re also away so we’re able to spend that quality time together and reflect on the things we’ll learn. 

Post # 11
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Our church requires it too, and I am SO happy.  Our spounsor couple is great, and I am feeling more confident about our marriage!  

Post # 12
Member
10992 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

We did.  My DH is a pastor, and it was very important to both of us that we undergo pre-marriage counseling with the pastor who married us.  We had about six sessions, I think.  (DH requires pre-marriage counseling for all of the couples that he marries, too.)

Post # 13
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

The church where we’re getting married highly recommended it. It wasn’t too bad. We learned a few things, but most of it we already knew. About the only change we really made after the classes was that we kiss longer in the morning/before bed/when one of us goes out. The class recommended kissing for at least 7 seconds to get ‘cuddly hormones’ going, we were just giving each other a quick peck before. We also got to talking a lot about some issues I’ve had with his friends and how much it bothered me that he often took ‘their’ side and not mine.

Our classes were one friday evening for about 4 hours, then 7 hours on the Saturday.

Post # 14
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@katherin788:  We did it.  It wasn’t required by our officiant, but we thought it would be a good idea just to have someone to talk to.  The counselor we used did the FOCCUS test with us.  We took the basic test, the interfaith supplement and the living together supplement.  Overall, there was nothing that came up that we didn’t already know (ie the issues the test pinpointed were ones we were aware of and had already discussed at length).  

We had about 6 sessions, and the cost was income-based.  We definitely don’t regret it and are happy we did it.

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@katherin788:  Ours will be like 3 or 4 sessions total. Once a month about 3 or 4 months before our wedding. Maybe even less than that, as our pastor knows us a little too well and is all but pushing for us to get married sooner. I think it really depends on who you go through counseling for. 🙂

Post # 16
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@melisandescott:  Hi there, just had a question as I think we’ll have to do the FOCCUS as well. Do you know if it’s possible for people to complete this with a pastor/priest, as opposed to a counsellor? It’s just that the only place that facilitates it where I live is actually where I have worked for the past 7 years! I really don’t want to discuss personal stuff with people I work with and know :S

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