Post # 1
FI and I are starting premarital counseling soon. Aside from the fact that it drops the cost for our marriage license to just $40, our officiant (and long time friend) will be providing the counseling at no cost as our wedding gift.
We’ve taken our premarital assessment online, and have already talked to each other about some of the questions and how we answered them. I’m not concerned that anything brought up in the sessions will be damaging to our relationship or make us not want to get married, but I am a little anxious. I do know it’ll be good for our relationship and hopefully reduce the risk of major problems popping up a year or five after the wedding.
I should also mention that FI and I have lived together for over three years and been together for six, so it’s not like we don’t know anything about each other or what living as a couple is like.
Did you complete premarital counseling? How did it go? Did it benefit your relationship, or did anything unexpected (and negative) come up?
Thanks in advance!
Post # 2
We are taking it and I am SUPER excited about it. It can only benefit us right? I can’t wait!
Post # 3
We are doing it and I am happy for 2 reasons:
1. Because it really affirms that we are a good match, and
2. It gives us a chance to address the issues that aren’t deal breakers, but could potentially become obstacles in the future.
I see it as a smart step so that I am entering this legal contract (based on emotion) with a level head.
Post # 4
My FI and I have been doing couples therapy for a couple months and we are so happy that we chose to do so. We are getting married with the confidence that we have the right tools to endure all the things that life will throw at us. I recommend this for any couple who plans on getting married.
Post # 5
We did a 3 hour premarital counseling “retreat”. It was a great experience, talked about potential marriage killers, how to do a budget, what our love languages are, etc. I wished it was more personal, but it was a good time to converse with each other about potential problems in our future as man and wife. On a side note: We were the only couple in the room that isn’t living together. Made us feel a bit like the odd couple out.
Post # 6
danibelle: We aren’t doing it but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, in fact I think its a great idea! I’m certainly very open to counselling/therapy in general, it just wasn’t something we looked in to. I think it will equip you with some great tools for handling issues that you may face down the track and is a good way to be open and honest about your hopes and expectations 🙂
Post # 7
We’re getting married in the Catholic Church, and they require marriage prep classes spread out over a few months. We go in about once a month to talk to the priest, and he gives us “homework” each time. They’re worksheets we complete covering different aspects of marriage, and we individually complete them and then discuss them. When we meet with him again we discuss the areas we agree or disagree on. I’m enjoying it so far, and it certainly can’t hurt.
Post # 8
We were also married in the Catholic Church and had to do pre-martial counseling. We were a bit nervous since we didn’t know what to expect, but we ended up loving it. Honestly, I think every couple, no matter how long you’ve known each other and how solid your relationship is, should do it. Here are some of the reasons we thought it very helpful.
1. First and foremost it gave us a common language to use in the future. We might not have any issues right now, but you can bet your bottom dollar we will at some point. And we can do run into those inevitable problems, we can reference what we learned at the marriage prep classes to help better communicate with and understand each other.
2. Made sure we had talked about all the big and important topics. It turned out that H and I discussed them already, but it was a nice confirmation and it never hurts to go over them one more time.
3. We were reminded of certain and important things you need to remember when you are married. Things such as remembering to meet your partners needs and tips on how to do so, how to fight fairly, and not to keep score because you always remember what you do, but sometimes you forget (or don’t even notice) the things your partner does for you.
4. We also learned about love languages, and I personally thought that was helpful.
Anyway, nothing negative or super unexpected came up when we went through counseling. I’m sure you’ll be just fine and counseling will end up being very good for you! There is really no reason to be nervous!
Post # 9
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
We have to do a marriage preparation course to marry in the Church of England. Not sure it’s a hard rule, but the priest at the church always asks couples to do this. It seemed a fairly reasonable request to me. Not excited but not worried, hopefully it will be interesting.
Post # 10
danibelle: FI and I just completed 8 weeks of Premarital counseling and it has opened my eyes to a lot of reality, giving me a glimpse of what to expect. The one thing that I loved abotu premarital counseling is that it thought us how to communicate better and opened our eyes to differences in each other’s thinking. I hope you learn as much as I did.
Post # 11
We had to take it, and we both found it beneficial. We only had to do 3 session, but we chose all 5 at an additional cost, not because we needed it, but because we knew we could benefit from discussing the future. We talked a lot about family–his in particular.
Post # 12
danibelle: I am interested in the online assessment. Could you post a link?
Post # 13
My FI and I are not doing premarital counseling. We’re not getting married in a church (some require it), and it’s not a requirement in our state in order to get a marriage license. I do see the point of it, and if it had to be done – we would do it.
I think my mom was hung up on that, so she vented to my aunt who sent me a brochure on premarital counseling that my cousins wife does, as she’s a relationship therapist. We probably still won’t do it, and talking with someone I’m somewhat related to feels weird (yes, we could go someplace else). I am sure that it may be beneficial to us, and reading through these comments makes me want to look into certain topics more that I can address with my FI personally and on our own.
Post # 14
Wow, thanks for all the wonderful replies, everyone! I’m definitely less anxious now. Nobody that I know IRL has done premarital counseling so I couldn’t get a heads-up about what to expect.
Relat: This is the assessment we took. There are a few out there, but our officiant uses this one. In order to take it, you need to get a login code from a course facilitator (counselor, pastor/priest, etc). It was $35 for both of us to take it, and there was something like 250 questions we each had to answer about ourselves, our families, and our relationship.
Post # 15
We didn’t do premarital counselling. We made sure to discuss the big things (mainly kids, finances, etc) that could affect us down the road, and agreed on all of those things before getting married.