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I plan on doing it just so that we have our bases covered. While I'd like to believe that we have the best relationship E-VAH. But it'd be nice to have a third party bring us back to reality. :)
I know there are books that you can work through together. If you're on the fence about it, I'd see a real person either privately or in a group session. Good luck!
We are doing pre-marital counseling through our pastor at the church we will be married at. At our churhc it isn't required, but i do know that in some cases you recv. some money off your marriage license if you do do it.
I think that it can never be a bad thing. We were actually kind of excited to do it. He gave us a book to read and 2 seperate books to fill in when we finish each chapter then we set up a time each week to discuss. We have so far gone through just chapter 1 but have found our communication a lot better already!
We're doing ours with a Pastor who is also a certified marital counselor she has her masters in therapy. So I think if you want to find a more secular person I would look for a therpaist with a background in marriage and family counseling :o)
Do it! My FI and I have been seeing a counselor together for a few months in preparation for our marriage - she has been incredibly helpful in teaching us how to communicate effectively and really making sure we are on the same page going into a lifetime together. Our relationship just keeps getting better and better.
If you are worried about the cost, look for a practice that has interns or grad students you can work with, they usually charge less per session because they are still learning.
Our pastor required it, but we didn't really get anything out of it.
But, it was nice to sit and talk with the guy for a couple hours before he actually married us. We hadn't met before.
my fiance and i don't attend church so we would have to pay to have it done and i'm pretty sure that he would not be up for it. i've looked at prices in our area and they range from $300-$500 which seems expensive for just a few sessions.
we would get a discount on our license but even if we just bought the license at full price it's cheaper than the counseling sessions, so the discount doesn't really sweeten the deal.
anyone have any suggestions on books which have similar topics in it that i could buy and incognito ask my fiance the questions so he doesn't know it's premarital counseling? 
Our church requires it but we aren't thrilled about it. Neither one of us are very religous and would rather work with a counselor than a pastor but oh well.
As for books, we have "Saving your marriage before it Starts." One of the Bees recommended it and we liked it. There is a his and hers book and we got both from Amazon for like $5 each.
I want to raise this topic as well. There is a derth of good secular marriage advice and premarital stuff out there.
I think you are going to need to rely on a hodge podge of things. My FI is not the talk about his emotions type, and he went to a good amount of counseling as a child, particularly when his parents married someone new (7 marriages between them) so he does not have good feelings about it.
What I do is have dinner with him and bring up a discreet area for discussion. For example, we recently discussed when we both feel most loved, kind of taking off of the 5 Lova Languages book (which is Christian, but I just got the basic info off the website). It was interesting to hear how much he values validation. We also have had talks using the Meyers-Briggs test, have had retirement dreams talks, and career talks to date.
We were required and had to pay $150...I don't feel it was as effective as it could have because it was a group session with 4 other couples. I think had it been one-on-one with just us and the counselor we would have taken more away. We did learn a few communication tips that have really helped us. Had it not been required, I doubt we would have gone, by FI choice, I think it is helpful
@Champagne - ty for the book suggestion i will have a look at it
@monitajb - my fiance isn't big on talking about his feelings either ... neither am i actually lol. i like your idea of bringing things up in a discreet and nonthreatening way and discussing one thing at a time. i'll have to work up the courage to do that, since i don't like talking about these things either but i know that it's important that we're both on the same page regarding the "big" issues.
thank you all for your suggestions!
We're in a LDR, so I searched the internet for pre-marital questions (from various church websites, mostly), and we've been working our way through the long list that I compiled. Well, right now we're together and we've been slacking off, haha, but when we get back on opposite sides of the world, I trust we'll pick it back up!
anyone have any other good secular books for DIY premarital counseling?
Yes- I would also be interested to hear any secular pre-marriage counseling suggestions. I love the Myers-Briggs test idea mentioned aboved :)
I think secular pre-marital counseling could be of a benefit primarily if it is one-on-one and not group based. My FI and I have been sending a therapist for an extended period of time and we've learned to communicate better. But, counseling seriously only works if both parties are willing to openly communicate --and actively work on what the therapist points out otherwise its a waste of money.
can you do it through your insurance? we did pre-marital counseling and the way our person did it was he just labeled it medical on our claim forms...we paid a $25 co-pay...you may need to look into your insurance to see if they cover relationship counseling or marital counseling or something like that...I forget what it's called...maybe group couneling...
We did the premarital counseling because it was required in order for us to get married in the church. At first I thought it was going to suck, but it actually wasn't bad. There was one seminar day where we had to go for 9 hours, it was mostly group stuff. The other time we had to go to a NFP seminar which I wasn't into, but whatev. And the last was we had to meet with a counselor and discuss our compatibility test results. That was probably the most helpful of the sessions - we talked very openly about little things that bothered us and the woman was pretty helpful. We didn't have any big issues or anything, but I wouldn't think in any situation that the counseling could hurt you - so I say if you are thinking of doing it then go for it!
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Has anyone done premarital counseling and if so was it worth it, would you reccommend it to others?
Is it something that needs to be facilitated by a therapist or are there books that you can buy to DIY it?