Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2009 - Harbison Chapel & The Maple Lane Farm
My FI and I are finishing up on the premarital counseling workbook our Pastor suggested – Saving You Marriage Before it Starts. We really enjoyed going through the workbooks together, especially since our Pastor is on the opposite coast so we can’t really do face to face meetings with him. I will say if you are looking for a book, we did enjoy ours, somethings were a little dated, and if you are thinking of buying the set (book and 2 workbooks) we hardly read the main book bc it was summarized in the workbook.
Anyway we still have 6 months till the wedding and we are thinking of trying another book or workbook. Did any of you use something for your premarital counseling that you enjoyed or thought was especially helpful for you and your FI, that I could check out?
Post # 3
So when we (I should emphasize "I" as in me) researched pre-marital counseling… I happened to fall on a workshop completed in San Fran: marriageprep101. They had some sort of link to a relationship study- which included a free home booklet program. So we turned in our info- to see if we would get the free booklet (and signed up for the workshop in case we didn’t get into the relationship study. There were other perks too like a gift certificate to Amazon.com)
Well we got lucky and got the home product as well. It included a cheesy Aussie cd/video with two booklets (one for me and one for him). It was a self directd six wk program where you ‘explore’ various issues that have been researched and proven to be the main indicators of what contributes to a lasting relationship: *Relationship goals and self change, *Communication, *Fun and mutual support *Managing differences *Intimacy and Sexuality *Managing Change. It was called Couple Care. Prior to signing up for the workshop, prior to getting into the whole pre-marital class research- I had no idea this existed.
It was nice because between the workshop and the home product, it directed us on things we should be strengthening, discussing, and even evaluating our past experiences (like how we view our parents marriage or our friends) and how we can impact our own relationship proactively.
Post # 4
My FI and I read Lies at the Altar: The Truth about Great Marriages early on in our relationship. The book is worth it for anyone because of the 276 questions in the back that are "must ask" before entering into marriage.
We also just read and our pastor who is doing our pre-marital counseling suggested The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It was really helpful to see how best to love the other.
Post # 5
Books that our pastor suggested to us:
The Marriage Book by the same couple who does the Alpha Course
For Women Only / For Men Only
Five Love Languages
There was another one, but I can’t remember it. I hope that helps!
Post # 6
We’re going to start Imago counseling…the first book is "Getting the Love You Want". We’ve looked through it before, but we’re going to embark on the real thing with a trained counselor now. The premise is that often the things that are hard in your relationship have more to do with reacting to your own issues/needs than with what the other person is doing. It’s a 12 step process to building better communication skills and understanding the other person much better.
We also have 101 Things I wish I knew when I got married.
Post # 7
We’re using "Before You Say I Do" by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts.
Post # 8
I highly recommend John Gottman’s "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work." They actually come from Gottman’s research of thousands of couples (both successful marriages and divorces) over a period of fifteen years. Some of the advice is unconventional (sometimes it’s not about communication — it’s about de-escalation). But it really is a great book.
Post # 9
We are using "A Lasting Promise" and "A Decision to Love". "A Decision to Love" is a great workbook to get you thinking about things that we would have put off until later.
Post # 10
We used "Before You Say I Do" as well, but as a couple that has been together for almost eight years, we didn’t find it as insightful or helpful as we hoped. We learned a lot more about each other from the Five Love Languages (Chapman) and various conflict management texts.
Post # 11
I definitely recommend Save Your Marriage Before it Starts by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott. It was incredibly insightful and I love their approach. Definitely worth the time!
Post # 12
Is it bad that I just linked this to my fiance and said "we’ve gotta get reading!" ha!! These are all great suggestions. I am defintely going to look into a few of them. Thanks so much for starting this thread. We aren’t getting married in a church so I’m not sure if the officiant we choose will do counseling or not. We are going to try to find someone who is willing to do at least one counseling session if not more.
Post # 13
thanks so much for the tips…FI and I will be little bookworms for a while…lol
Post # 14