Premarital Counseling…Did it help/hurt?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bkprettygirl:  I think that premarital counseling is a great thing. It makes you talk about ALL of the things that could possibly affect your marriage in the future. It takes out the possibility that you just assume you are on the same page about something.

If it hurts a relationship, it’s probably a relationship that didn’t need to be going towards marriage. In that case, it’s still a good thing to go through because it prevents a marriage that would have ended badly from taking place.

Post # 3
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think every couple should do some sort of premarital counseling.  H and I did (through the Catholic Church) and found it to be super helpful.  We didn’t have any issues prior to counselling and we didn’t really learn anything new.  However, we did get helpful communication/how to fight tips and reminders on how to meet your partner’s needs, confirmed that we had talked about all the major issues and were on the same page, and discussed the 5 love languages.  The most beneficial thing though was that it gave us a common language going forward.  We know are marriage won’t be super awesome all the time and that we will have fights.  And the counseling we received gave us a common reference that we could use and draw from.  

Anyway, good luck!

Post # 4
Member
2895 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We did pre-canna which is the Catholic version of premarital counseling.  They are not licensed cousilors, so I can’t speak to that.  It was one on one with a couple, and the wife did do social work, so she had some experience.

It did not hurt our relationship.  I think the only type of relationship that can be hurt by premarital counsiling is a relationship that is already pretty week.  Counsilors aren’t there to break your relationship, but build it. For us, it was a great experience.  We enjoyed it so much and were very sad when it ended.  Most of what it we went through was finding that we agreed on a lot of things, even if we had not necessarily talked about it face to face.  It gave us a lot of faith in our relationship that we were on the right track.

Sometimes you just assume in your relationship that things are in place, even if it hasn’t been a discussion.  For example, we never had a direct discussion about alone time.  We handled it well, but we learned that both we have different defintions of what alone time was.  For him, it means time with people other than me, so boy’s night or what will you.  For me, it means snuggling with my cat on the couch and watching movies.  He said he use to feel sorry for me when he would go out and come back to find I had watched an entire season of something on Netflix.  It wasn’t a problem, just not something we discussed.  I could see how it could eventually become an issue though.

We also used it to establish paterns of communication.  Telling DH anything first thing in the morning is not a good idea, especially a deep conversation.  We now cover everything right when we get home from work. 

I will say, if I was ruler of the world, everyone would do some form of premarital counsiling.   No mater how great your relationship is, there is always room for improvement.

Post # 5
Member
2132 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I was really nervous and dreading it, and I actually really enjoyed it.  We did it with our pastor in the Presbytarian faith.  I learned more about myself than my husband and he would probably say the same about me.  Our was really accessing our strengths and weaknesses as individuals and how that worked together.  We learned what our strengths were as a couple, what our weakness were, how to use our strengths to guide our weaknesses, and how to communicate better with each other.  

Our relationship was in a great spot before we started (obviously because we were getting married), but I really do think it made it even stronger.  

Post # 6
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

RunsWithBears:  +1

We had to do a pre-marital course through the Catholic Church as well and we both found it invaluable. I was worried that the FI, who isn’t Catholic, would be put off but he actually enjoyed. It taught us more effective communication and conflict skills, and helped to clarify expectations that we have regarding marriage and family, etc.

I definitely think every couple would benefit from any form of pre-marital counselling – anything that will help to male sure that you two are on the same page as you forward is a good thing.

Post # 7
Member
2916 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we did pre-marital counseling through our church and we also had to attend classes through the miltary. and we also attended classes after we got married.

i enjoyed all of it. we didn’t have any issues in our relationship and there were really no surprises, but it helped give us an extra boost of confidence that we could make our marriage work. one of our favorite pieces of advice was that if we’re arguing, we should just get naked because we can’t get too mad at eachother if we’re naked, lol.

i’ve heard people say thngs like, “we’ve been together/lived together for X amount of years, we have kids, we already know everything about each other, counseling would be a waste…” and i think that’s a horrible mentality to have. i mean, how is spending a few hours talking about/working on your relationship a waste of time? no relationship is perfect and i don’t care how long you’ve been together, no couple is above counseling. people get so busy with work, kids, etc. that sometimes they forget about each other, so even if there aren’t any real issues that need to be addressed it’s good to just sit down and reconnect and remind each other how to work as a team (yeah, i know that sounds really cheesy, lol).

Post # 8
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

We did. We really enjoyed it. Our pastor gave us some great advice that we both try to live by. He also have us a small list of voids to read. We haven’t gotten to those yet.

Post # 10
Member
1028 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Another plus one for counseling! Premarital counseling from my fiancé and I was the absolute best thing that we could have done for our relationship.  It really has given the both of us so much insight into our relationship, into ourselves respectively, and also our backgrounds especially because we grew up very differently. It really in Chile can be a relationship saver if you both are open to it.

Post # 11
Member
6 posts
Newbee

We did it with he minister who is performing our ceremony. We enjoyed the classes and I think it helped give us a view of marriage from a biblical standpoint and giving us ideas for communication and how to work through things that might arise. We were very much on the same page with almost all of the discussion topics which made us feel good.

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