Premarital counseling jitters

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Orchidgirl80:  We did pre-martial counseling through the Catholic Church.  One of the first things the priest said to us that he was not there to judge our relationship and determine if we should get married or not.  He was there to help us prepare for marriage both in the Church and in everyday life.  It was a lot of making sure that we had talked about the important things and were on the same page.

I was nervous too, but there is really nothing to worry about!

Post # 4
Hostess
22134 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh you poor thing! Try not to stress yourself out about this! I’m not sure who’s performing your premarital counseling, but we did ours with the pastor who would be marrying us. And he told us upfront that he wasn’t there to judge us or to interrogate us, but to make sure that we’d had the conversations we needed to have before we got married.

For example, he said we once counseled an engaged couple, and they started talking about what they envisioned their family to look like. They quickly discovered that the guy didn’t want kids at all, and the girl wanted at least four. Yikes! Apparently, they hadn’t talked about that yet.

So our pastor started out by learning about us, our relationship, and what we’d gone through to get to where we were. It sounds like that would be really helpful for you both to verbalize so that you understand how far you’ve come as a couple.

Then, he guided us through some discussions on things like our faith, our communication styles, finances, etc. The idea was that my husband/then-fiance and I would each talk about our expectations, hopes, etc in these areas, and our pastor could help us through any stumbling blocks if we hit them.

We met with him five times, I think. We’d been together for six years by the time we did our counseling, so we didn’t exactly have any secrets and we’d had the talks we’d needed to have, but it was nice talking about it openly with the guidance of our pastor. Overall, the counseling was pretty casual and a positive experience.

If anything, I hope it should help calm your worries rather than make them worse! And if there’s something on your mind, this could be the time to verbalize it, while you are in a safe space with a third party there to help you through your worries.

Good luck hun! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

No worries sweetie!  If the counselor says something about his or her concerns about the two of you getting married, then listen!  It’s probably warrented.  However, I believe every couple should go through premarital counseling.  We did it with the pastor who married us, and although it was hard (I think I cried after the first session), it really did help and we still talk about what a positive experience it was when we were finished.  We talked about everything from communication, finances, family planning, etc.  Embrace it!  Don’t be scared of it.

 

Post # 6
Member
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Orchidgirl80:  pre-marital counseling is not an interview or a place of judgment. it’s a discussion about marriage in general and the minister or facilitator should only provide key points for you two to discuss and think about before getting married. that’s it. don’t worry… my FI and i met almost 1 year ago and we got engaged 6 months later and THOROUGHLY enjoyed our 2-month long counseling sessions. so the time together shouldn’t matter. that has nothing to do with it.

Post # 8
Hostess
22134 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Orchidgirl80:  I will say that it was nice having the pastor who performed our ceremony also perform our premarital counseling, because he worked into our ceremony a bit of what he learned about us in counseling. Made everything seem extra personal. Just a thought. 🙂

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