Premarital Sex

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Is/was premarital sex a requirement for you to get married?
    Yes : (250 votes)
    42 %
    Just a preference : (81 votes)
    14 %
    I could go either way : (51 votes)
    9 %
    My preference is to wait : (19 votes)
    3 %
    I require that we wait : (35 votes)
    6 %
    I require that FI is a virgin on our wedding day : (3 votes)
    1 %
    I require that FI have experience with other people : (44 votes)
    7 %
    I prefer that FI have experience with other people : (90 votes)
    15 %
    I prefer that FI is a virgin on our wedding day : (26 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    2878 posts
    Sugar bee

    For me, we have to have intellectual and humoristic chemistry, physical attraction, and similar interests and goals before I even think about having sex with someone. It takes the whole package, and if the guy has it, I will want to share this new level of intimacy with him, and hopefully there will be chemistry on that level too.

    I wouldn’t marry before having sex with my SO. I want to marry someone I know very well, on every aspect. And that’s why I would marry him in the first place, because I love every aspect of him and know he’s perfect for me.

    Post # 4
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I would have prefered to wait, and I really wanted to marry a virgin, but we did end up having premarital sex. I was a virgin until I met my husband, but he had been with a couple other women before me (which very much bothered me).

    I do regret not waiting, but I guess it is what it is at this point.

    For the record, I wanted to wait for religious and moral reasons.


    Post # 5
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    We have some issues in that area that we’re always working on. I’m certainly glad we are able to figure this out before marriage.

    Post # 6
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I could imagine not having sex before marriage if the guy was religious or had some great personal reason for it!

    But I’ve also belonged to a VERY conservative Church where 97% of marriages are between virgins!

    Post # 7
    2365 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

     There was no possibility of waiting. Marriage is a whole compatibility package, and a healthy sex life is part of that. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve broken up with great guys because the sex was that bad. Love is all well and good, but unless you’re compatible emotionally, spiritually (including a lack of belief) and physically, it’s not going to last.

    Post # 8
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would never marry a guy without having sex first. That’s a lot of years to be with someone who just doesn’t do it for you.

    Post # 9
    1963 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I would never marry a guy I haven’t slept with.  Never did the idea of “waiting for marriage” ever appeal to me. I don’t think its necessary for everyone though.

    Post # 10
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee

    I prefer to wait until marriage. Premarital sex has never appealed to me. It wouldn’t be the natural thing for me to do. 

    Post # 11
    312 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Meh, I think people put a lot of stress on sex that isn’t really needed.

    FWIW, I was a virgin when I met my FI. He was not. I’m a practicing Christian and he’s a non practicing Christian. We had sex a few months into our relationship. I didn’t have sex because no one interested me/I wasn’t ready to, not for religious reasons (even though I am a Christian, I never felt like that was something I HAD to do. It could have happened, had I fallen in love with a man with those beliefs, and I would have been ok with that). I guess I don’t put that much stress on having or not having sex.

    So I could have married someone without having sex for sure, if life had gone that way. But, we do have sex before marraige, and it’s not that big of a deal to me.

    Post # 12
    8677 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My husband and I were not virgins when we got together. I would never marry a man who wouldn’t sleep with me before marriage. Sexual compatibility is exceptionally important to me. I need to know if we’re sexually matched up, because otherwise the relationship will not work.

    Post # 13
    525 posts
    Busy bee

    I lost my virginity to SO 4 years ago. He was not a virgin when we met. If I had it my way, we would have had our first times together.

    However, I can’t imagine getting married without having sex first. It is a part of intimate and loving relationship. We have other avenues for intimacy, but it is huge! If we got married and found out we were not sexually compatible in the slightest, I would consider it an issue. 

    Post # 14
    3596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think sexual compatbility is very important to me. I was a late bloomer and didn’t have sex until I was 23, and had been in relationship for several years by then.

    My feeling is everyone should do what is right for them. But I think as along as people are having safe sex that is consensual there is nothing immoral about it.

    Post # 15
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    @ladyamalthea:  I wasn’t sure where I fell here, but basically we had PM sex only with each other. We both waited for someone we loved/trusted, which happened to be each other, and now we’re getting married. That’s that!

    Post # 16
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    What I don’t understand is people who want to wait until marriage, but don’t masturbate – how are you going to be able to guide your partner as to what turns you on? Sex isn’t a “magical” experience unless if you work at it and communicate to your partner about what you like, don’t like, etc. It isn’t always a damn fairytale. When it comes down to it, it is your body and your choice to do as you wish, but *I* don’t get it. I also don’t get couples who don’t at least TALK about sex before getting married – i.e. what turns you on, fantasies, etc. Not talking about this before getting married is a recipe for disaster, in my opinion; see this thread for what I mean:

    I personally would never want to marry someone I hadn’t slept with – I needed to make sure my fiance and I were sexually compatible (and oh boy, we are).




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