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I can't help the fact that I'm really angry that my SO wants a prenup. It would be both our second marriages and I know he only wants a prenup because he was burned really bad in his previous marriage. His only assests are his house,which is average,and his collectors Harley. It is going to be a battle because I don't want one and he does. I feel like I'm paying for the mistakes of ex-wifey if I agree to sign it and I feel like it is starting the marriage off on the wrong foot. I come from the thinking of when you become married it's no longer "yours" or "mine" it becomes "OURS" which he strongly disagrees with. How do we solve this issue? He believes only in the case of death should I get the house since I didn't contribute financially to it. I disagree,if you marry me I should get something out of the house in a divorce situation if you make me your wife. Am I wrong in thinking that way? It hurts me to think that he is so guarded before we even walk down the isle together.
i sorry but i have to agree with your hubby... i know i have worked hard for what i have (my house, car, savings, etc) and while i love my soon to be hubby, i know that things do happen, and prenups are a way to protect both of you. i had all of these things before my fi came along and i want to make sure i have them if he ever choses to leave. what your fi has may be 'average' but it is his... dont be angry... the prenup could be good for both of you!
Would it make a difference if he owned his own company since that would be considered more than "average"? I believe that whats yours before the marriage is yours, whats his before the marriage is his...what you buy/make/attain while you are marriage is "ours"
I agree with Stephanie and your husband.
Sorry 
I agree with the previous posters. I guess its nice that he didn't just spring it on you before the wedding ala Miss Tattoo's post a week or so ago. I think you should sign it, but if you're really worried about being left out in the cold, you could compromise on something like where he gives you 5% of his paycheck monthly or something, and it goes up with each child? I have no idea, I'm not a lawyer. :) But my advice is talk to him about it, but probably let him have his assurance on his house and Harley. I hope it all works out for you.
I'm going to have to side with him as well. It is stuff that he's accumulated and the prenup will only come into play if anything were to happen. To me, it's a matter of fairness.
I agree with all the previous posters. While you're married, you'll obviously be sharing everything. And everything you attain while being married is both of yours. But if you should get divorced, there's really no reason for you to have a claim to things he had before the marriage.
I signed one and occasionally pay for the faults of the ex, but in the end I don't really care about "just in case" as I plan on being here forever and if he needs to use it as his security blanket than so be it.
I agree with your husband. The easiest way for me to work out my position in situations like this is to reverse the positions.
If you were a millionaire, would you be happy to divide your assets 50/50 with him?
Prenups are not personal- they are simply common sense.
Where do you live? I know in NJ everything is divided up 50%, regardless of who's name is on it and when you got it and also prenups are thrown out sometimes here.
I agree with pp BUT!! if you two are married and it has a mortgage which OUR money goes towards or renovations/improvements then you should be entitled. And don't let him hold back on ever improving the house purely to keep you from getting a cut in case of divorce!! It's going to be your home (if not your house). ...
I can see both sides here
Prenups are only good until you have children anyway. I agree just sign it.
Do you have your own lawyer? If not, get one immediately. I'm very pro-prenup and think they can be a useful way to discuss financial matters before they blow up in your face. It's not necessarily 'planning for divorce' or 'punishing you for his ex's mistakes'. It could be his way of making sure that your marriage starts off on the right foot.
A great resource is Manisha Thakor's book, "Get Financially Naked". It's all about money and relationships and prenups. Very helpful!
I would be upset too, IMO a prenup is just saying they don't trust you and they wan't to cover themselves if you get a divorce (Ido not believe in divorces unless someone was unfaithful) but like I said thats JUST MY OPINION
I can see both sides.
I can understand why your FI wants to make sure that his Harley remains his. I 100% agree that that should be his no matter what...regardless of how long you were married.
As far as the house is concerned, I can see you wanting to make sure you are protected but it kind of depends on how much he has left to pay, if you will be contributing to the mortgage, and how many years that you were married prior to a divorce. I mean, do you think you would be entitled to a portion of the value of the home after 1 year of marriage? Figure out what would be fair and get legal representation of your own. Your FI can't just dictate terms, you both have to come to a mutual agreement.
EDIT: I didn't answer the question. No I don't think you should be angry.
I agree with him. I'm signing one as is my mate and we both have our own attorneys. I work in politics and he works for a government agency-we acquired significant physical and financial assets before we met. I don't feel entitled to anything that was in his home before we got together just because I chose to marry him. And it works the other way around.
I agree with many of the previous posters. I don't feel like I'm entitled to anything that my SO acquired BEFORE getting married.. just as he is not entitled to anything I have beforehand. If I'd busted my hump to pay for a house all by myself, then had to give up half of it because of a marriage gone wrong, I'd be pissed beyond belief. It's different if the house is not paid for & you will be helping with the mortgage/bills once you get married.. but something that's completely paid for? No way. I wouldn't be offended at all by having to sign a prenup in your situation... because I would want one if the tables were turned.
This is not legal advice. However, if you decide to sign it, you absolutely MUST have an attorney review it first. It won't cost much, and will be well worth it. At the very least, you want to make sure you understand every single word of the document, what it means, what the conditions are, etc.
having married a man that on paper is worth millions im pro prenup and you said it yourself,
His only assests are his house,which is average,and his collectors Harley.
his assets prior to this marriage are his home and his bikes - they are his prior to you and him being a couple and worse case senario he will always have a home and IF you were in the same position i would hope that you are smart enough to want to protect yourself as well
i do suggest you seek legal advise for the what ifs, eg what if you both invest in remodeling the house etc
I think you should be angry that this man is succeeding in manipulating you into a marriage with him.
I've said it before (as have countless others), but I'll say it again, you deserve better. End of story.
ETA: if you don't understand, please see Sunshine's previous threads.
Prenups are not meant to screw one party over, they're to keep everything fair in the event that things don't work out. Of course none of us want to get divorced, but hey, neither do the 50% of couples who end up that way. We buy insurance to protect us financially in the event of all sorts of unspeakable tragedies that we pray will never happen - just think of a prenup as a sort of insurance policy.
For a prenup to be held valid and enforcable, both parties are supposed to get independent legal advice. I know, not very romantic, but it's actually a rule to avoid conflicts of interest. Don't sign anything until you've had your own lawyer look it over. It's not uncommon for some changes to be made back and forth.
@littlemissmango: can you link to the posts? i interested in reading them :)
EDIT: nevermind... i see now... blah
@littlemissmango: OH! I went back and read the other threads.
In my opinion, pre-nups should be unecessary; it's like heading into the marriage with an "escape hatch". While I understand that circumstances differ with each person, I think that they (generally) just bring doubt into the front of ones mind. If you enter your marriage with trust and respect, and build on that daily, then a pre-nup will never be necessary.
However, I don't think you should be upset with your SO, just try to explain your feelings to him without making him feel guilty. He was probably nervous about what your reaction would be, so just communicate!
I'm a little torn on this one but tend to be on your side here OP. Sure, he deserves to take the Harley if you split. I truly doubt that you'd want it anyway, right? As for the house, I tend to also think that it comes with marriage.
I still disagree with what posters are saying about the house though. Yes he may own it outright now, but when you move in what if you paint or add on another room? Then you've invested into the house. Make sure you protect any investment you make as well. I think you should get a lawyer involved. And if he wants the prenuptial so bad then make him pay for the lawyer too.
Sorry hon but I went back and read some of your previous posts and there are bigger issues here than a prenup. Honestly, with all that's gone on between you, a prenup might be a good idea.....just in case. It makes sense that he wants to protect the assets he has going into the marriage. I agree with the other Bees, get a lawyer to look it over. I knew a friend who was engaged and when she ound out that her FI wanted her to sign a prenup she refused and they ended up not getting married because he was insistant she sign it and she refused.
I went back and read the other posts, I am so sorry you are in this position, I can relate I was in a similar situation 4 months ago (3 months b4 wedding). We got through it with councelling. We both changed and as a result our rel changed and we happily tied the knot in November.
From my experience u have 2 options get councelling and sort out your relationship before u marry.
Or leave, suck it up and do it, it may be hard now but things seem like they aren't going to change and it will only get harder to leave.
Also after reading the post re your daughter on her birthday, what would u rather do, move schools which granted will be hard for her, or your daughter always feeling like a guest in her own home.
@Ms Sassy: I totally agree. I have rental properties as well as other things that I had way before I met my Fiance/soon to be hubby (and vice versa).... I LOVE him to death but I do believe that anything that was acquired before the marriage is not "ours".... BUT anything that was acquired during the marriage I do agree.....that it's ours and should be handled accordingly....
mmm i went back and re-read your other posts... I think you two should go thru some counseling to sort out all the issues, including the pre-nup. Good Luck
I agree with your SO. I don't think a prenup is an 'escape hatch', divorce is an escape hatch. Those are his assets, which if he wants to protect then he is entitled to do so via a prenup.
And I don't understand the concept of 'you should get something out of a divorce'. But then again I don't agree with the concept of spousal support (I think you guys call it allimony??) so I am biased.
If you feel that he is guarded within your relationship then seek councelling
I have to agree with most posters above too! If the house is his, and completely paid for, it should remain in his name only. I don't agree that it automatically becomes of the both of you when you marry.
At the same time, I believe that from the moment you do marry every decision you make and purchase you make is of the both of you. So if the house is not completely paid then it's different, you should be entitled to at least what you invested in it.
I am in a similar situation: my FI has a house and he's still paying it's morgage. It's in his name, but as there are still many years of morgage left I think we should put it in both of our names after we marry (even if he pays it from his salary, I still have to pay common expenses from mine, so that's not really an argument!).
Last thing: sounds like you have very different ideas on what should be shared or not as a married couple. If you don't really discuss it and agree on how you will manage your finances and purchases as a married couple, you might have issues later on.
That's also another point, unless you are contributing financially then why do you deserve half of the house and bikes? He's worked hard for those things, and this being his second marriage he knows what can happen. Your notion of you feeling like you deserve half of the house in the occurance of a divorce is probably the same one his ex wife had....
I agree with your husband and the previous posters. That is not your house to have in the event of a divorce because he had it before you were married. Unless a large chunk of your money went towards renovations or soemthing you are not entitled to it. My FI and I keep all our finances seperate except for the things that the house requires so in that case yes I would deserve half but I would never expect to if I hadn't used my own hard earned income.
@sunshine8:How are the things he had prior to knowing you existed in this world now yours? If you don't want the things that he values, then its easy sign the documentation. You are not entitled to his assests he had prior to knowing you. Why would you be?
I think its fair that he wants a prenup.
However, you have a right to discuss what is in a prenup and come to an agreement. You both should have your own lawyers look over the document before anyone signs/agrees to anything.
If you feel you should get the house or part of the house in the case of a divorce, write something like after 5 years of marriage you will receive 25% value in the house, after 10 years of marriage 50% of the value of the house or something like that.
Think about yourself as well.
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