Post # 1
I can’t help the fact that I’m really angry that my SO wants a prenup. It would be both our second marriages and I know he only wants a prenup because he was burned really bad in his previous marriage. His only assests are his house,which is average,and his collectors Harley. It is going to be a battle because I don’t want one and he does. I feel like I’m paying for the mistakes of ex-wifey if I agree to sign it and I feel like it is starting the marriage off on the wrong foot. I come from the thinking of when you become married it’s no longer “yours” or “mine” it becomes “OURS” which he strongly disagrees with. How do we solve this issue? He believes only in the case of death should I get the house since I didn’t contribute financially to it. I disagree,if you marry me I should get something out of the house in a divorce situation if you make me your wife. Am I wrong in thinking that way? It hurts me to think that he is so guarded before we even walk down the isle together.
Post # 3
i sorry but i have to agree with your hubby… i know i have worked hard for what i have (my house, car, savings, etc) and while i love my soon to be hubby, i know that things do happen, and prenups are a way to protect both of you. i had all of these things before my fi came along and i want to make sure i have them if he ever choses to leave. what your fi has may be ‘average’ but it is his… dont be angry… the prenup could be good for both of you!
Post # 4
Would it make a difference if he owned his own company since that would be considered more than “average”? I believe that whats yours before the marriage is yours, whats his before the marriage is his…what you buy/make/attain while you are marriage is “ours”
I agree with Stephanie and your husband.
Post # 5
I agree with the previous posters. I guess its nice that he didn’t just spring it on you before the wedding ala Miss Tattoo’s post a week or so ago. I think you should sign it, but if you’re really worried about being left out in the cold, you could compromise on something like where he gives you 5% of his paycheck monthly or something, and it goes up with each child? I have no idea, I’m not a lawyer. 🙂 But my advice is talk to him about it, but probably let him have his assurance on his house and Harley. I hope it all works out for you.
Post # 6
I’m going to have to side with him as well. It is stuff that he’s accumulated and the prenup will only come into play if anything were to happen. To me, it’s a matter of fairness.
Post # 7
I agree with all the previous posters. While you’re married, you’ll obviously be sharing everything. And everything you attain while being married is both of yours. But if you should get divorced, there’s really no reason for you to have a claim to things he had before the marriage.
Post # 8
I signed one and occasionally pay for the faults of the ex, but in the end I don’t really care about “just in case” as I plan on being here forever and if he needs to use it as his security blanket than so be it.
Post # 9
I agree with your husband. The easiest way for me to work out my position in situations like this is to reverse the positions.
If you were a millionaire, would you be happy to divide your assets 50/50 with him?
Prenups are not personal- they are simply common sense.
Post # 10
Where do you live? I know in NJ everything is divided up 50%, regardless of who’s name is on it and when you got it and also prenups are thrown out sometimes here.
Post # 11
I agree with pp BUT!! if you two are married and it has a mortgage which OUR money goes towards or renovations/improvements then you should be entitled. And don’t let him hold back on ever improving the house purely to keep you from getting a cut in case of divorce!! It’s going to be your home (if not your house). …
I can see both sides here
Post # 12
Prenups are only good until you have children anyway. I agree just sign it.
Post # 13
Do you have your own lawyer? If not, get one immediately. I’m very pro-prenup and think they can be a useful way to discuss financial matters before they blow up in your face. It’s not necessarily ‘planning for divorce’ or ‘punishing you for his ex’s mistakes’. It could be his way of making sure that your marriage starts off on the right foot.
A great resource is Manisha Thakor’s book, “Get Financially Naked”. It’s all about money and relationships and prenups. Very helpful!
Post # 14
I would be upset too, IMO a prenup is just saying they don’t trust you and they wan’t to cover themselves if you get a divorce (Ido not believe in divorces unless someone was unfaithful) but like I said thats JUST MY OPINION
Post # 15
I can see both sides.
I can understand why your FI wants to make sure that his Harley remains his. I 100% agree that that should be his no matter what…regardless of how long you were married.
As far as the house is concerned, I can see you wanting to make sure you are protected but it kind of depends on how much he has left to pay, if you will be contributing to the mortgage, and how many years that you were married prior to a divorce. I mean, do you think you would be entitled to a portion of the value of the home after 1 year of marriage? Figure out what would be fair and get legal representation of your own. Your FI can’t just dictate terms, you both have to come to a mutual agreement.
EDIT: I didn’t answer the question. No I don’t think you should be angry.
Post # 16
I agree with him. I’m signing one as is my mate and we both have our own attorneys. I work in politics and he works for a government agency-we acquired significant physical and financial assets before we met. I don’t feel entitled to anything that was in his home before we got together just because I chose to marry him. And it works the other way around.