Prenup? I'm feeling the blues.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t see a problem with prenups…personally I think it’s smart of him and you to each protect your own assets. The problem I see is where he leaves everything to his family in the case of his death…why would he not leave you anything?! That part seems fishy to me…

 

Post # 4
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Um, wow, I would be hurt, too.  I don’t understand why he wouldn’t leave you anything if he dies.  That’s not cool.  Also, I’m not attorney, but you should check into laws concerning inheritance.  Does he have a will specifically leaving you out?  If he dies intestate, by law (at least here in Oregon), you are entitled to a portion of his estate. 

Post # 5
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

that is an outrageous pre-nup. way unfair. 

Post # 6
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC

Some pre-nups I understand, but this one would be incredibly hurtful if I were in your place.  I would try to talk to your FI about how it makes you feel and see if he considers re-writing it.

Post # 7
Member
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

@Kimberley25:  I think the “not leave her anything if he dies” only refers to if the marriage has ended prior to the death. Correct me if I’m wrong, OP. That sounds fair to me, I mean, take a look at how the encore brides on WB talk about their exes, lol, they sure aren’t interested in leaving everything to their exes when they die.

Same with everything in the pre-nup, honestly. They only come into play at all once a divorce has been agreed upon.

 

Post # 9
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

All i can say is get some independent legal advice. That does not sound like a very fair prenup. I can compleatly understand wanting to protect the assets he aquired before marriage but not during. 

Post # 10
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

That pre-nup seems way out of bounds. I’d be unbelievably hurt! I’d either call my own laywer or not go through with the marriage. Most likely I’d not go through with the marriage though, because once lawyers have to be called the relationship would seem a bit tainted to me 🙁 Getting married should mean you two are a team…it shouldn’t be him+his family vs. you, and by completely cutting you out that is exactly what he is indicating. 

Post # 11
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t really have a problem with pre-nups (in fact I kind of like them as it allows you to draft a worst case scenario plan while you are in best case scenario love. I will never look out for the best interests of man man and he mine the way we do right now.  I want his best even in the worst), but that one doesn’t sound so hot.  

Is his sister a lawyer? Combining prenup and will arrangements into one document seems ridicualous.  I also think if it is best to have a neutral 3rd party help draft the document working with you and you FI.  Involving one side of family does not seem good.  If he owns his parents house, is it psosible she drafted it that way to protect their family to some extent? I would still say, figure out your pre-nup and then separately figure out a will.  Perhaps your will states that parents houses are willed to the parents, but other assets go to the spouse – just so your folks don’t feel unsettled.  Legalities can make your heart feel crumby.

But I would sit down with your FI (and maybe some wine) and draft a heart-driven document, then take it to a lawyer to work out the legal kinks and modify as needed.

Post # 12
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The only part I have a problem with is the whole death thing. Have you brought it up to him yet?

Post # 13
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@aggie2010:  Aggie, I hope you are right on this point.  I couldn’t imagine a spouse not wanting to take care of his/her SO if he/she dies.  I do think the whole separate assets thing during marriage is odd.  I mean, I can see keeping things separate, but why does it have to be part of the prenup?  OP, please seek your own legal counsel prior to signing. 

Post # 14
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I was okay until the “after death” part, that I think is very unfair.  With that, there really is no point to the union, as you stay basically two seperate lives instead of being joined going forward.  I’d be upset too.  any talk of revisions?

Post # 15
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s perfectly fair you negotiate the terms of the agreement. Tell him you thought you had agreed to half half. There’s the potential that he doesn’t even know what it says.

Post # 16
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@aggie2010:  Ooooh…you have a good point here.  I wasn’t thinking sequentially. I think you are right. Prenup only goes into effect with divorce.

I still think separating their will from the renup would be wise. 2 legal documents are in order.

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