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I've been reading a lot about people getting married and how prenuptial agreements are on the rise, in noticeable way. My question to all you getting married is "Would you sign it?" And, if you think it's okay, and your doing the asking, "How would you broach the subject to ultimately ask for them to sign?
I would and I did. You just hire your own lawyer and make sure you leave ample time prior to the wedding to sort out everything. The key is to take emotion out of it and remain level headed. Just one day sit down and propose a discussion about finances and bring it up. Logic is key.
I can't imagine signing a pre-nup. I feel like by signing a pre-nup you are entering the marriage expecting for it to fail. I understand that those who choose to have one are protecting themselves but it just seems so ominous to me!
I would sign one. I asked 2 times already if he wanted one (he has more assets then I do). He's said no, we don't need one. And that's NOT becasue we refuse to admit that divorce may be in the future. We both aknowledge that shit happens and when that shit hits the fan sometimes the only way out is divorce. I'm a realist, I refuse to live in fairytale land where we all live happily ever after- afterall stats don't lie, and half of us WILL suffer this fate.
All that said, we still don't need one... but that's becasue neither of us are the type to "take 'em for all they're worth" type of people. So if it does end, it will just end.
If we were drastically different in financial situations going into a marriage , yes I would .
I think it's necessary. No one plans breakups, but they happen, so it's better to have something that could potentially be devastating or ugly already handled. Just think about it logically, and broach the subject lightly and stict to the facts.
We talked about it for less than a minute and then we decided against one. Even if we did end up splitting someday neither of us have anything right now...
I would and did. I have absolutely no issues with them what so ever. There are times when they are a security blanket that is needed to make things as comfortable as possible. I agree with @DVsMom: logic is key and take the emotion out of it. I see it no differently than filling out a will, just part of the legal process of getting married especially if you have decent assets to protect.
I would think if one of us had ties to "family money" like through a parents business or had trust funds, then I'd be okay with signing one. Neither one of us has any major assets, except our home together, so we didn't feel like it was necessary for us. I don't think their should be any negativity towards prenups, though... many people say "you're setting your marriage up to fail", but that's just BS. of course, no one wants their marriage to fail, but if it did, at least you'd have a safety net.
Absolutely. I actually suggested it, more for his benefit than mine, but he was so indifferent to the idea that I figured I'd drop it. I think the best way to present it might be to look at it as a hope for the best, plan for the worst, and if the worst happens, hopefully it'll make a hard thing in life easier and protect both of you.
I'm hearing both sides; Then what is the purpose in getting married if each of you are just holding to your own assets.
@DarrenTunstall: A prenup doesn't mean you are just holding on to whatever assets you have. It can. A prenup can have whatever you want. Ours indicates certain assets we each had prior to marriage are ours should we divorce and it also deals with our home that we purchased prior to marriage (equitable distribution) and it also deals with our pets and a few other provisions that are unique to our situation. Everything else made/aquired after marriage is ours and shared. There is no exact formula to a prenup, it varies for each couple.
I think @DVsMom has a great response on line 12. Your thoughts?
@DarrenTunstall: I'm not getting married to combine assets. So the point of getting married it to be married not share ones assets.
My answer is sort of .... alll 3
Yes! I have more money than he does anyway, who cares?
No! I'd never marry anyone where such a thing was a hot button issue.
It depends. If it was somthing that was insited upon by his parents, if it had to do with legal issues like inheritances and such, then I could see it being something I'd understand.
I had a co-habitation agreement with my ex, and was so thankful for it. I looked at it like I do car insurance. I will probably not need it, but in case I do, I would be very thankful to have that "coverage."
It's funny though, I didn't do a prenup with my DH. We are both entering the marriage on an equal playing field, so to speak, we discussed it but decided we really didn't need it.
If one of us would have wanted it, we would have definitely signed one.
We signed one. My parents loaned me a lot of money for grad school and for our house, so it was important to them to have something in writing that that money was for me. DH didn't have a huge problem with it (thought it was a little weird that my parents insisted, but also didn't want their money if anything went sour, so whatever). It was a mildly awkward conversation, but we were fine.
@DarrenTunstall: It's not about holding o n to your assests from the other person, but no one can predict a divorce, no one can predict how the other person will react, no matter WHAT they say. Plus, if you are older, you come into the relationship with things, moreso than a younger person.
That's ONE bonus to marrying young-neither of you have anything.LOL
@Miss OBG: How did you ask your husband? Or, did your parents have a conversation with him too?
If either of us had family trusts or business, I'd be happy to sign one, but we are young and have nothing of value that we didn't purchase together anyway. Because we have been living together for 2 years we are considered de facto, so if we did break up now everything would be split 50/50 anyway.
Also saw a funny quote on FB the other day: Marriage, betting someone half your stuff that you'll love them forever. :)
I am very pro-prenup. Statistically, couples with prenups are less likely to get divorced than couples without. A part of that may be that people with more education and assets are more likely to both get a prenup and stay together, but I think a bigger part is that signing a prenup means you have discussed and agreed on how you will handle financial issues as a couple. If you've already decided how much you're both willing to blend assets, or how much financial independence you want, and what you consider to be reasonable expenses, then those are fights you can avoid later in the marriage.
I would only sign if it was to protect family money, inheritances, estates, etc. If that's not really the case, then, no.
@babylou: So, your case it matters what you have and own before getting married, right?
@DarrenTunstall:No, only to protect family assets, because they aren't the ones making the marriage vows. For example, if I was living in a house that was passed down from my grandmother to my father, and my father to me, then yes, I would want that protected in a prenup because I feel like it still (in some ways) belongs to the family.
If I bought my own house before getting married then, no, I wouldn't feel the need to protect it in a prenup because what's mine is his and whats his is mine. I don't believe in keeping assets separate after making vows that last a lifetime.
Nope. I wouldn't sign one. I feel like if I had a prenup and things weren't really working out with my husband (I'm not married, but theoretically speaking...) I would be more likely to head to divorce because I knew I would be taken care of.
But if I didn't have my assets protected, I would be more likely to work on my marriage and make sure it stays intact.
We had a big conversation about this in one of my classes last semester and that was the general consensus most of my class had come to. It's just interesting to see "the younger people's" perspective.
I wouldn't have a problem with it. I read a quote once that made perfect sense - "if one out of every two car rides ended in an accident, it'd be pretty silly not to have insurance."
@MissOtter31: It is interesting to see the many perspectives. Some see the prenup as a form of protecting a family heirloom such as jewelry or a house that has been passed down.
I sure would. I look at it no diffrently than any other type of insurance. We all want or have health and car insuance right?
We are signing one - I agree that older, more established couples are more likely to sign one - and less likely to get divorced. We are both attorneys, so it is easy for us to see this from a logical perspective rather than be emotional about it. I really feel that we will never need it - but I also know you can "never say never."
I would sign one if FI wanted me to, honestly I was a bit surprised he didn't, or that his parents didn't encourage one, since they are leaving the family business to him. But I don't think it's going into the marriage expecting it to fail - if you thought it would fail you wouldn't be getting married, right? But still wise to prepare for the worst case scenario.
I am planning on signing one. Actually after we get married (have had NO time, so it wont be a pre-nup, but basically equivalent) He works for the family business, but also its because I am a stay at home mom with our two kids. Our "pre-nup" is to make sure that incase something unforseable happens I will be able to be able to take care of the kids until I can recoup, and his families business stays with the family. We are also drafting up wills at the same time to reflect as much. His family controls all business until the kids are of age (in our wills that will be 24) and 50% of the life insurence will go to the kids in a trust, and 50% to me if we are married, if not (not that I see it that every happening) 25% and rest to kids unless I am remarried.
We talked long and hard about all this, without parents help. We are NOT well off ourselves, and have no ideas of future riches we will fight over later, but with having children we much rather take care of future issues now with clear heads than have to wait until a tragety or life circumstance changes and have a cloudy head where kids are often caught in the middle.
i voted yes - to be honest im shocked my husband didnt ask me to sign one because he (and his family) are worth millions while i came into our marriage with very little. my brothers children are our heirs and i will be telling them to get a prenup if they marry after we die because they will have a lot of property and investments by then
I don't think I would sign one (although I came into our married with more than DH and never considered a need for one either).
To me, it is a sign that my SO didn't trust me. That they think I'd try to take them for all they are worth or take things that belong to their family if something did happen to our relationship. And if they don't trust me and know that I'm not that type of person, we have way bigger issues than a pre-nup.
FI and I have talked about it and are both happy to have one and sign it, but neither of us really have anything worth anything (except for two cars of abuot equal value that are both several years old). She's got some school debt that I don't have, but other than that, it would be to protect potential future money and property, I guess.
However, I'm actually more worried about the expense of seeing a lawyer to have one created than I am protecting the nothing that we both have now. How expensive is it, and is this something that can be created after the wedding (I know that goes agains the whole "pre-nup" title of the thing, but maybe that's just a formality)?
IF I would have established my business before we got married, I would have. But, I didn't, so I will just put any provisions in a will, stating that if we were to divorce before I had a chance to corrent my will, then x will happen. I don't plan on getting a divorce, and honestly I don't see if happening, but I am a realist. We have already had to deal with a ton of stuff and we got through it all and are stronger for it, so I see divorce as a complete last resort. We had a verbal agreement before marriage of who would get what if we split (we both own my car, which he bought for me, and we had a joint checking, but our wedding savings were in a savings account in only my name). Obviously, we are married now, so things are different, but yes, I think it certain circumstances, prenups are definitely the way to go, to protect family property and money that has no bearing on your relationship
Based upon my situation I wouldn't have. We have been together since high school. Before either of us had a DL, car, job, college degree, or anything for that matter. Because we were together before we had anything, we wouldn't have signed one. If he had gone to the NFL like he dreamed of we probably wouldn't have because I was there before he had anything. If I had met him after, or when he was a prospect, then yes I would've have signed one.
Yes!
A lot of it depends on state laws and such but.........
If one person dies, you would like to think that the remains should go to your spouse but that does not usually happen. You also want to find out what types of things the family your marrying into has in place.
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