Weddingbee boards

I am totally for pre-nups! I'm more for it in the pre-relationship aspect. For example, I am the "breadwinner" in my relationship. I worked my butt off to have what I have now. At one point I was working 3 jobs. Before FI and I got engaged I not only paid off a new car but I bought a condo. Plus I have finances secure for retirement. I am by no means rich. I pay the bills and save for retirement and have a lil' extra for fun. I am middle class, living comfortably. Mainly I would want a pre-nup to reassure that if something were to happen I would still have my retirement money...and my house. And he would have his retirement money all to himself. Neither of us would walk away with more than what we came into the relationship with. 

As my lawyer puts it, a prenup gives you the opportunity to plan how you would split up your assets during a divorce while you still love each other.  I have retirement savings, a condo, and some other assets that I worked hard for, he has a business that he's built from the ground up. I want both of us to keep the fruits of our labor.

It was a little stressful, there's still an adversarial tinge to it no matter how ok you both are with it.  But I think a lot of people forget that marriage isn't just about love, it's a legal contract between people: the combination and protection of assets.  When entering into a contract, you have to evaluate the implications for yourself and protect yourself in the case of unfortunate circumstances.  

Another thing to remember is that a prenup doesn't just protect the assets you have now.  If you stand to inherit from your parents (or anyone else), that is an important asset to protect.

nay...we are catholic and we just took our oath with the priest a few weeks ago for our marriage application paperwork...we had to promise not to make a pre-nup.  the reason, i think, for no pre-nup is that it is kind of like you don't have full faith in your marriage...i think that's what the priest said.  pre-nup or not is up to you...for us, we are pretty young and we just don't have any money or assets!

I think pre-nups are a good choice for some people.  It depends on your situation.  We aren't doing one because we are both starting out in about the same place with similar salaries.  If we got divorced after having children, then I think our biggest issue for the divorce would be custody and child support, which is something that you can't plan for before you even have kids really. 

One other thing to consider is that a pre-nup not only protects your assets, but if your family has any type of trust or jointly shares assets, it protects all those involved as well. For example, my family has a family trust, in which we all hold percentages of several large investments. When the FI and I get married, he effectively becomes "part of the family", and has the right to claim ownership (in the case of a divorce, or death) to some of those percentages. So, a prenup in which he legally agrees not to claim any ownership to any percentages of the trust not only protects my portion (if and when the trust is liquidated), but also the other family members that own percentages.

 So, if you jointly own any assets with anyone besides your FI, consider signing a prenup, if only for the other person! 

 If you have any other questions, consult a lawyer as early in the process as possible. They'll be able to give the best answer for your situation. Even if you don't "feel" that you need a prenup, there may be other reasons (besides the one I just laid out) that you should consider protecting your assets. Prenups are not necessarily about shielding your assets in case of a divorce, but any other people who are involved in those assets as well. 

Hope that helps! 

"I know people get divorced all the time, but we are not those people. I can't even think of a "just in case" circumstance that would cause us to split. If you can, then maybe you should reconsider your "commitment."

I have friends who call me naive for thinking this way..."

Ignorance is bliss...until it isn't. 

I would reiterate two points. One I think that everyone should consult the law of the state where they are marrying and/or will reside as each state's laws on marital property differ. For example, many states (but not all) do not look to property acquired prior to marriage when disposing of property during divorce, so it really all depends on where you live. Secondly, if you are going to have a pre-nup drafted make sure both of you are represented by separate counsel or at least have each of you have an experienced family law attorney take a look at what has been drafted.

As for me personally, I'm not really into the idea of them, but each person is different.

100% for "prenups" (they are really called antenuptial agreements)--or any kind of premarital agreement.  Really, it isn't so much about my or FI's assets--it's more that I've seen what happens to even the most amicable divorces (I'm a divorce attorney!) once you do the "I want this" and "you can't have that".  Our agreement will simply state that in the event of a divorce we will under no circumstances go to litigation; rather we will engage in mediation or some other sort of alternative disupte resolution.  Additionally, all inherited family assets/heirlooms will return to the family from which it came.

The reason we are doing this: if there was ever a time to determine how we split up, it is now, while we love each other, have no hurt feelings, and truly want what is fair.  We are trying to save ourselves any unnecessary hurt & anguish that we may be too emotional to identify later.

I've come under alot of heat from my married friends for this, saying that this is a bad way to start a marriage, that it implies a lack of faith, blah blah... but surprisingly no heat from my or his family or our unmarried friends.  Go figure.

Edited to add: Absolutely consult the laws in your state to learn what happens to your assets once you are married.  In some states EVERYTHING is split 50-50 regardless of where it came from, before or after the marriage!  In some states you only get what you put into it.  And in other states it is somewhere in between.