Post # 1
Anyone getting one & how did you talk to your fiancee about it?
As mentioned in my other post (“FMIL drama (surprise, surprise)”), I recently came into some inheritence money when my mother passed away a couple months back, and have felt some underlying tension with my in-laws since they seem to be struggling financially & have expected me to pay for EVERYTHING. I love my fiancee to death, but my mother was married & divorced four times & raised me to be a realistic, independent woman regardless.
Post # 3
If the situation were reversed and your FI came into money… how would you want him to handle it? Then I’d handle it however you’d hope he would handle it!
Post # 4
I was wondering about a pre-nup myself. It is not just about the money in the bank, but I also own property, and so does he. Not sure how I should go about finding a lawyer?
Post # 5
We’re signing one. It may not be right for everyone, but we both agreed that what we build together is ours, while pre-relationship assets will remain the property (and responsibility) of the individual. Hopefully when we’re 82 none of that will matter!
Post # 6
There are several possible costs, just try to minimize them. I see:
- The cost of not getting a prenup, later getting divorced, and losing half the inheritance money.
- The cost to your relationship of bringing up a prenup to your fiance
- The cost to your relationship of actually going through with a prenup
So really to me it would depend on how much money it is, and how likely he is to be upset by the idea and the actual thing.
How do you feel about the prenup yourself? How do you imagine yourself feeling with and without one?
Post # 7
We’re getting one, if FH gets organised and arranges it 🙂 At the moment it’s more for his security (he bought 2 properties before he met me so needs to protect those proceeds) but I am interested in protecting myself too as I will probably earn more over the lifetime and if something happens between us I wouldn’t want him to be able to get his hands on more of my savings/superannuation than is appropriate 🙂 We have always known we would get one because he was sued by his ex-gf and after that we agreed we would always protect our finances. The day after we got engaged, he asked if I would sign one and I said yes, as long as he came to pre-marriage counselling with me. I figured it was a fair trade! Good luck with your situation – I think it’s a bit tricky and you will need a lawyer for yourself, and probably a therapist too – I suspect you’ve got a bit of a rocky road ahead of you! All the best.
Post # 8
I haven’t signed one, but usually in bringing up difficult topics, it’s good to approach from a ‘softer’ angle. You’ll want to have thought out VERY clearly what you want in the end, but don’t let it come off that way – for example, saying, “Have you ever thought about prenuptial agreements? Between managing my finances after Mom’s passing, and the headache of paying for this wedding, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to be financially responsible lately.” is ‘softer’ than saying “I’ve decided we need to sign a prenup so your mom can’t get her hands on my trust fund. Here’s the paperwork the lawyer has drawn up.”
Hope it goes smoothly!
Post # 9
I really don’t think anyone can sum it up better than daydreamwanderer! I second everything she said. Kid gloves are a requirement here.
Good luck! 🙂
Post # 10
My FI does not seem to be upset in the least. We have lived together for 4+ years and have a very solid relationship, but I think it is the smart choice regardless.
@million I agree with you 100%. I feel the same way.
Post # 11
I offered to sign a pre-nup but my fiance doesn’t want to. I personally have no issues with them. We are not doing one but I have told him that if he wants one in the future (a post-nup) then I would be open to it. We will only be getting divorced for one of two reasons: emotional/physical abuse or infidelity (I think it’s called a covenant marriage) so for us, the pre-nup would be a safety net that we should never need.
Post # 12
We will sign one. We have talked about it before and it was a major concern for my parents. My parents have set aside money and a living trust for me and when they pass away I will receive all those assets. They had a huge problem with my Mom’s brother trying to take more than what was his when my grandfather passed away and it was a HUGE mess.
That being said, its just easier when things are laid out on the table and whether or not you have to use them (hopefully not) everything is taken care of. It’s much less of a headache for us. I would want it the same way for him if his parents had set up a trust for him. Theoretically that money is his and was his before he met me.
If we remain together its not like I am going to be like “ohhh this is my money, find your own!” If we are married, that money will be “ours” just not legally lol
Post # 13
We’re signing one. We figured, if we don’t need it it doesn’t hurt to sign it. Like, whenever you bring an umbrella with you it doesn’t rain!
Post # 14
I really like TarragonFly’s point – if you have it you may be less likely to use it! I think it is smart to get a prenup, then you can go forward in the marriage without these issues hanging over your head.
If your FI is absolutely opposed to it, I would talk to a lawyer about the laws in your state (I know, I know, but I am a law student, so I can’t help it). There are ways to keep your money separate so that it does not become “marital property” divisible upon divorce, but it depends on the state you get divorced in.
Post # 15
We have one. We both have property and money from before and we also have kids from before, so it made the most sense. Any family lawyer can do this, ours was preety cheap, only about $250 since we weren’t contesting anything.
Post # 16
Nope. we talked about it and came to the conclusion that it’s not necessary in our situation.