Prenuptial agreements get such a bad rep and before you predict and judge where this post is going lend me your ears gentleladies and men... Ahem... My cousin in France got married in 2001 and she told me she and her dear fiance drafted a prenupt. Okay, aren't the French known for things romantic? But a prenupt? This is her reasoning:
"We stated in the prenupt that what is his is his and what is mine is mine. As a physician, I am at risk for getting sued one day and that person may take everything away from us. With this legal binding agreement/document they can take all of my finances if it gets that far but they CAN NOT touch his finances. This way the kid's college funds are safe, we can keep the house, the car, and even the dog! We are protecting ourselves from other people not each other."
Wow. So really this new idea of a prenupt is to protect the couple not from themselves but from the people that may threaten to take their financial stability away from them! My fiance and I are planning on drafting our own along these lines as I am graduating from medical school next year and our state does not have a malpractice cap - yikes! I also know very good physicians who got sued for no good reason and I think it would be wise to get this done. Does anyone have experience with these legal matters? Did this idea change how you view prenupts?
This is a great topic and you've worded it very well! I have never thought of doing a prenupt, and I don't think I will either. But, I must say, that the reasons you described are thoughtful and worth looking in to for anyone in a similar situation.
When you're broke like me and my love, I don't think a prenupt matters much!!
There are also ways to structure your practice so creditors can't reach into your personal assets as well. I strongly recommend consulting an attorney in your area since you never know if what you draft will hold up in court.
Great article, but this isn't the sole way to protect your assets, as lovebird pointed out. I'm an engineer who's duties require me to protect my assets. I asked my lawyer a while back if a pre-nupt would be best to protect my FI when we marry, and he advised me against it as the law limits the protection a prenupt can give in my case. To each their own, and obviously consult a lawyer as each states laws are different.
It sounds to me like your cousin therefore has no claim to the house if anything goes wrong? I wouldn't sign any prenup that said that. Definitely talk with an attorney. It's maddening and expensive (I know: we're doing it now), but the document will hold up better in all circumstances, good and bad.
Hey now, I hope you mean the process, not the attorney, is "maddening"! And as for "expensive"-- trust me, we work really long, late (or more properly said early), constant, no time to finish wedding planning (unless you use your vacation days and then you're still on your Blackberry) hours!
We're doing a pre-nup. Actually, truth be told it was my idea. Unlike the situations above, it doesn't have anything to do with protecting us from others taking our financial stability away from us, we have a few different componets.
My fiance is in law enforcement. There happens to be a particular free website that will allow anyone to seach a name and come up with all kinds of information about a person. It even goes so far as to list relatives names. (yea, we were shocked) to protect our family, while we're in the process of puchasing a home, we've had to do some creative paperwork in putting his name on the property title differently to give us some extra added security.
Since the house is going to be listed in his "name" only, I will not be on the deed however, we're paying 50/50 for it (downpayment and all). That's where the pre-nup comes into play.
My mother thought I was being crazy in asking for one. I told her I would be crazy not to. I understand the "what's mine is mine, and yours is yours" mentality, but this is a different situation, and should anything ever happen down the road (god forbid) I want to make sure that a home, I've been equally contributing to that does not have my name on the deed isn't going to be "just his" and there will be some financial security in there for me also.
Like Donald Trump says... "Rich or poor, EVERYONE should have a pre-nup" I agree with him to a point, maybe not everyone, but I believe in certain situations, yes.
The process is maddening, and the attorneys (plural because of course you each must have one--hence also "expensive") are maddening only because they are part of the process :-).
It definitely doesn't work that way in any state in the U.S. that I'm aware of. You really need to consult an attorney in your own state that focuses on family law to figure out if a prenup would give you any sort of protection in the way you describe. Structuring your business as an LLC could be a much safer, and likely easier, way to achieve the same result.
For those of you who have very little in the way of savings or assets and therefore think that a prenup is not necessary, I just wanted to mention something that my dad told me a few weeks ago that I hadn't thought of. He said it's not just about your current net worth but also your future net worth - if one of you might be coming into any sort of inheritance if a relative passes away, you might want to protect your future inheritances in a prenup. Obviously if you stay together and one of you comes into an inheritance, you would share it, but if you were to split up, it would be a shame for your ex to take half of an inheritance that was intended to stay within your family. Just something to consider.
again, you should consult your attorney because each state is different. smartl, whether an inheritance/gift that you receive while you're married stays as your property or becomes both of yours also depends on the state.
Does anybody know if you can include child custody in prenup ? I am a foreigner and my bf ( we do plan to get married in relatively near future) is American. All of my family and a lot of my friends are in Europe and therefore if things didn't work out for us ( hopefully this won't be the case, but with 50/50 chances, nobody knows), I would most likely move back to Europe to be closer to my family. I was told that I can't move away (out of state or country) with children without court approval etc. Did anybody hear about this ? Or about anybody whose pre-nup includes details about potential child custody ?
I know this may sound crazy, but my Mom got divorced twice and I work with a lot of divorced bitter people so divorces, settlements and the such are part of daily conversation.
Petunka - I think kids from a previous marriages is one of the main reasons to get a prenup - to cover how they will be dealt with. I'm not sure from your post petunka that you have one or think you would have one. I'd go and ask a lawyer the question it sounds like a reasonable prenup request. Of course you'd have to get him to agree to giving up contact with a future kid so it depends on his reaction.
The one idea I like the most about prenups is debt protection. Even if the assets are equal if he hasn't been honest about his liabilities then it would be nice if you could not get tagged with them in a divorce, ruining a credit record in the process. I know at least one divorce that hidden debt was a big part of - and was the most contentious part of the divorce. Plus - people assume that they won't need them -but if he's lying about that what else is he hiding.
Anyways I'm on the fence with a prenup - I think I'm covering the debt protection by sharing our credit scores and credit reports. I have more assets - but not a lot. I want one but am not sure I can justify the cost.
Thank you everyone for the very helpful, thoughtful, and LEGAL advice! We have a family law attorney who will work on this for us and I will definitely mention to her about the other items such as housing, inheritance, and alternatives to protect our assets. She said it would take about three days to process but from these posts it sounds like it might take longer to draft! What's funny is my FI and I do not have a home right now so if we move into a cardboard box - I think I'll let him keep it if all else fails! I am the one with a gi-normous paper supply closet so I can fashion a DIY home if need be - lol!
Prenuptial agreements get such a bad rep and before you predict and judge where this post is going lend me your ears gentleladies and men... Ahem... My cousin in France got married in 2001 and she told me she and her dear fiance drafted a prenupt.
Okay, aren't the French known for things romantic? But a prenupt? This is her reasoning:
"We stated in the prenupt that what is his is his and what is mine is mine. As a physician, I am at risk for getting sued one day and that person may take everything away from us. With this legal binding agreement/document they can take all of my finances if it gets that far but they CAN NOT touch his finances. This way the kid's college funds are safe, we can keep the house, the car, and even the dog! We are protecting ourselves from other people not each other."
Wow. So really this new idea of a prenupt is to protect the couple not from themselves but from the people that may threaten to take their financial stability away from them! My fiance and I are planning on drafting our own along these lines as I am graduating from medical school next year and our state does not have a malpractice cap - yikes! I also know very good physicians who got sued for no good reason and I think it would be wise to get this done. Does anyone have experience with these legal matters? Did this idea change how you view prenupts?
posted by ATaleofTwoCities 65 posts 10 months agoYou need to consult an attorney. It doesn't work the same way everywhere and you need State specific information.
posted by MJ 78 posts 10 months agoThis is a great topic and you've worded it very well! I have never thought of doing a prenupt, and I don't think I will either. But, I must say, that the reasons you described are thoughtful and worth looking in to for anyone in a similar situation.
When you're broke like me and my love, I don't think a prenupt matters much!!
posted by dani 45 posts 10 months agoThere are also ways to structure your practice so creditors can't reach into your personal assets as well. I strongly recommend consulting an attorney in your area since you never know if what you draft will hold up in court.
posted by lovebird 100 posts 10 months agoGreat article, but this isn't the sole way to protect your assets, as lovebird pointed out. I'm an engineer who's duties require me to protect my assets. I asked my lawyer a while back if a pre-nupt would be best to protect my FI when we marry, and he advised me against it as the law limits the protection a prenupt can give in my case. To each their own, and obviously consult a lawyer as each states laws are different.
posted by AOEBuckeye 143 posts 10 months agoIt sounds to me like your cousin therefore has no claim to the house if anything goes wrong? I wouldn't sign any prenup that said that. Definitely talk with an attorney. It's maddening and expensive (I know: we're doing it now), but the document will hold up better in all circumstances, good and bad.
posted by Nopinkertons 75 posts 10 months agoWe're doing a pre-nup. Actually, truth be told it was my idea. Unlike the situations above, it doesn't have anything to do with protecting us from others taking our financial stability away from us, we have a few different componets.
My fiance is in law enforcement. There happens to be a particular free website that will allow anyone to seach a name and come up with all kinds of information about a person. It even goes so far as to list relatives names. (yea, we were shocked) to protect our family, while we're in the process of puchasing a home, we've had to do some creative paperwork in putting his name on the property title differently to give us some extra added security.
Since the house is going to be listed in his "name" only, I will not be on the deed however, we're paying 50/50 for it (downpayment and all). That's where the pre-nup comes into play.
My mother thought I was being crazy in asking for one. I told her I would be crazy not to. I understand the "what's mine is mine, and yours is yours" mentality, but this is a different situation, and should anything ever happen down the road (god forbid) I want to make sure that a home, I've been equally contributing to that does not have my name on the deed isn't going to be "just his" and there will be some financial security in there for me also.
Like Donald Trump says... "Rich or poor, EVERYONE should have a pre-nup" I agree with him to a point, maybe not everyone, but I believe in certain situations, yes.
posted by July2008Bride 189 posts 10 months agoThe process is maddening, and the attorneys (plural because of course you each must have one--hence also "expensive") are maddening only because they are part of the process :-).
posted by Nopinkertons 75 posts 10 months agoIt definitely doesn't work that way in any state in the U.S. that I'm aware of. You really need to consult an attorney in your own state that focuses on family law to figure out if a prenup would give you any sort of protection in the way you describe. Structuring your business as an LLC could be a much safer, and likely easier, way to achieve the same result.
posted by Jay 2 posts 10 months agoFor those of you who have very little in the way of savings or assets and therefore think that a prenup is not necessary, I just wanted to mention something that my dad told me a few weeks ago that I hadn't thought of. He said it's not just about your current net worth but also your future net worth - if one of you might be coming into any sort of inheritance if a relative passes away, you might want to protect your future inheritances in a prenup. Obviously if you stay together and one of you comes into an inheritance, you would share it, but if you were to split up, it would be a shame for your ex to take half of an inheritance that was intended to stay within your family. Just something to consider.
posted by smartl 353 posts 10 months agoagain, you should consult your attorney because each state is different. smartl, whether an inheritance/gift that you receive while you're married stays as your property or becomes both of yours also depends on the state.
posted by jayypeeee 16 posts 10 months agoDoes anybody know if you can include child custody in prenup ? I am a foreigner and my bf ( we do plan to get married in relatively near future) is American. All of my family and a lot of my friends are in Europe and therefore if things didn't work out for us ( hopefully this won't be the case, but with 50/50 chances, nobody knows), I would most likely move back to Europe to be closer to my family. I was told that I can't move away (out of state or country) with children without court approval etc. Did anybody hear about this ? Or about anybody whose pre-nup includes details about potential child custody ?
I know this may sound crazy, but my Mom got divorced twice and I work with a lot of divorced bitter people so divorces, settlements and the such are part of daily conversation.
posted by petunka 72 posts 10 months agoPetunka - I think kids from a previous marriages is one of the main reasons to get a prenup - to cover how they will be dealt with. I'm not sure from your post petunka that you have one or think you would have one. I'd go and ask a lawyer the question it sounds like a reasonable prenup request. Of course you'd have to get him to agree to giving up contact with a future kid so it depends on his reaction.
The one idea I like the most about prenups is debt protection. Even if the assets are equal if he hasn't been honest about his liabilities then it would be nice if you could not get tagged with them in a divorce, ruining a credit record in the process. I know at least one divorce that hidden debt was a big part of - and was the most contentious part of the divorce. Plus - people assume that they won't need them -but if he's lying about that what else is he hiding.
Anyways I'm on the fence with a prenup - I think I'm covering the debt protection by sharing our credit scores and credit reports. I have more assets - but not a lot. I want one but am not sure I can justify the cost.
posted by gaudior23 157 posts 10 months agoThank you everyone for the very helpful, thoughtful, and LEGAL advice! We have a family law attorney who will work on this for us and I will definitely mention to her about the other items such as housing, inheritance, and alternatives to protect our assets. She said it would take about three days to process but from these posts it sounds like it might take longer to draft!
What's funny is my FI and I do not have a home right now so if we move into a cardboard box - I think I'll let him keep it if all else fails! 
I am the one with a gi-normous paper supply closet so I can fashion a DIY home if need be - lol!
posted by ATaleofTwoCities 65 posts 10 months ago