Post # 1
FMIL abuses prescription drugs. Our counselor said it affects her short term memory and we’ve had “I forgot” moments, more and more as the wedding day approaches. I don’t buy it but then again I’ve never had to deal with someone abusing drugs and she’s a manipulative person in the first person so I just don’t buy it because of the way she is and the way she is towards me. But FI does, though sometimes he thinks she’s lying. I don’t deal with her much but FI does. I’m tired of everyone making excuses for her; before the prescription drugs, it was something else. IT’S ALWAYS BEEN SOMETHING!!
Can anyone offer insight into the abuse and their memory? I don’t want to automatically assume she is lying and saying she “forgot” but it’s always something with her. I guess in a way I am trying to be a bigger person (don’t really know if those are the right words but I’m trying to just not assume she’s being a biatch for once but usually everytime it’s just a bunch of BS) by not always brushing off her.
Post # 3
I’m not questioning you, just wondering – how do you know she is abusing prescription drugs? How long has this been going on? And what kind of meds are they? While any prescription drug abuse is dangerous, certain drugs are worse than others. And lying and manipulation come with the territory of addiction, so it’s no surprise to me that she is showing those characteristics. I understand that you are frustrated with the situation but drug addiction is a very big deal. Has anyone in the family suggested some sort of intervention/rehab scenario? I’m just trying to gauge what the level of addiction is and what has been done about it, if anything, to date.
Post # 4
Drugs affect your brain (neurotransmittors). Memeories are encoded, stored and retrieved in the brain. Also, people who are addicts tend to have other mental issues, and she may just be the type of person who is selfish. So if she doesn’t care much in the first place, she’ll say she forgot.
In any case, I’m very sorry for your situation. Try to be as supportive as possible, but stand your ground. Best of luck.
Post # 5
My mother is addicted to prescription medication for a barrage of illnesses – I completely blame the pain management doctor.
With that being said, it affects everything about a person including memory. This past Thanksgiving I visited my parents. While my father was preparing dinner, we repeatedly yelled back to her in another room that we were ready to eat. After about 20 minutes of her replies saying she would be there, we had dinner without her. She is ADAMENT we never told her, despite the fact she acknowledged us reminding her every 5 minutes that we were ready.
That among other things. She has actually forgotten my birthday once a few years ago, as well as serious things I ask about – like her sending my medical history for my doctor. To date, she has never done it.
This is what happens.
Post # 6
Im so sorry for your frustration. I knew someone who abused prescriptions and did fib about nearly everything. I actually talked to a counselor about this and the counselor told me not to be frustrated because what this person is going through (addiction, forgetting and making excuses or fibbing about everything) is an actual illness that requires professional help. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how right the counselor was. And although it was annoying having to put up with the forgetfullness, fibbing, and other behaviors, the more I realized how important it was to show that person I cared and try to get them the help they needed. Ultimately the person I knew ended up in psychotherapy. Maybe your FI is defending her because he loves her and wants her to get better, but may not know how to help? Perhaps your counselor can add some insight on what you both can do to make it a little more manageable during your wedding planning.
Post # 7
Two years ago, I was taking pain medication for a number of months as I recovered from a couple of surgeries. Although I wasn’t addicted I definitely noticed a decline in my memory throughout this time. I would occasionally forget basic words while I spoke, definitely forgot details and even sometimes simple things like forgetting to close the fridge after taking something out. I don’t know whether or not she is feeding you bs, but I can honestly say that it definitely effects you!
Post # 8
She’s told this to FI [and me] (which brings up a good point- is she actually taking them or is this some attention thing- I’ll get to that later so I don’t go off course) and she’s not in the closet about it but doesn’t constantly talk about it- so somewhere in the middle with info. From our knowledge, she is taking 2 different pain meds (one is her mothers, I’m not sure who the other belongs to) and 2 other anti-somethings that are not prescribed to her. I don’t know if she is just not giving them to her mother or if the mother isn’t taking them herself (she’s been ready to die and is tired of the pain and is ready to go and has been for awhile) so she’s taking them. Our counselor said her concoction is enough to not feel anything (except hate apprently). Her doctor does not know what all she is taking and FI has said that he has considered calling her doctor (or who he thinks is her doctor) to tell him everything going on that she’s leaving out, if the doctor will hear of it (I tried doing this with my mom but it got me nowhere). But she also has a ton more around- she probably has 10-20 bottles in her bedroom-whether actual pills are in there, I don’t know- I’ve never snooped. Her friend is on gov’t assistance so depending on what meds different people want, she will act however and ask for those and she usually gets them. Yes, she’s been offered help but she “doesn’t have a problem”- it’s everyone else. FI has offered to pay for counseling and she’s said no.
About the attention thing: FI and FMIL recently had a discussion and she told him that she doesn’t think she can depend on him, he won’t hold his word or do what he promises to do (which he has every.single.time and then some- she pretty much made him feel like crap times 10) so if something does happen and she needs help, she won’t ask so she *que guilt* “won’t bother anyone”. FI thought she was hinting that she would commit suicide by “not bothering anyone” and is completely okay with doing a courtesy patrol (when the cops go by to check in with the person) plus we don’t live there. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to say she is suicidal but she usually does whatever will hurt a person the most and she knows how much that would hurt FI, not to mention others. I think if she were to threaten suicide and doesn’t go through with it FI will be pissed- not because she didn’t do it but because she will be playing some game, kwim?
Post # 9
You could try to advise the doctor of her issue, but if he does listen more than likely he will drop her as a patient. If she is abusing – AND if for some reason he’s prescribing something which would be a benzo/pain medicine – he’s stuck with the liability.
It sounds like she is competing for attention with you though – and may be guilting your FI about it. This happens with a majority of MIL/DIL relationships… though not always to this extent.
Post # 10
My sister abuses prescription drugs (Oxy) and let me tell you I understand exactly where you are coming from. Unfortunately, those drugs are going to damage your brain over time, and affect the nerve pathways involved in memories. My sister’s short term memory is horrible. She promises to do something, then promptly forgets. Also, my sister constantly tells fibs – being a chronic liar is often a part of drug abuse as well. Similar to your mother, my sister uses drugs so she doesn’t “feel” – she went through two verbally and physically abusive relationships in which she used drugs to cope.
You FMIL must get help, but only she can decide to do that. The best thing you and your FI can do is make sure you are not “enabling” her and just be there to support her by telling her you love her. By enabling, I don’t mean you are giving her the drugs, I just mean giving her an oppurtunity to continue with her behavior i.e a reason not to change. For example, my parents often gave my sister money because they were worried becuase she had no food, but really she just spent it on drugs. So for you, it sounds like she is manipulative (so is my sister) so you and FI just have to not give in to her manipulations. You can discuss more strategies specific to your sitution with your counselor.
Hope that helped a little – or at least let you know that others are going through what you are!